*Warning sensitive* babyloss mentioned
So here I am 2 years later and boy has my life changed.
My baby I was so happily pregnant with last time I posted in this thread is in now in heaven. He was born too early to survive, not a day goes by when I don't think of my beautiful baby Ethan.
Following the loss of our son I wanted to fall pregnant A.S.A.P. I was also still overweight and wanted to lose weight A.S.A.P and I did and I fell pregnant the first month of trying. However that little bub also didn't make it and I had an early miscarriage. I was concerned that the big weightloss was stuffing up my body, making me unable to sustain a pregnancy. So I stopped worrying about my weight and ate what I wanted. The next month I was pregnant again and this time we got to bring our baby home with us! I had a baby girl in February this year, she is now nearly 8 months old.
However these pregnancies took a toll on my body, my weight and pysche. During the last pregnancy I had the oppposite mentality I did when I was pregnant with our angel baby. I had terrible morning (all day) sickness with my son and I lost a lot of weight and was happy to be losing weight at the time. Our stillborn son was born at a low weight for his gestation and I blamed myself thinking maybe I wasn't eating enough. Though his loss had nothing to do with my weight (so the doctors tell me) it was always playing in the back of my mind. So this time around I was lucky enough not to have any morning sickness and I ate and ate and ate so more. I was ravenous, by the end of the pregnancy I had put on a whopping 31kg. I could see my weighty going up every week I just didn't care. I had enough to worry about without worrying about my weight. I would deal with my weight after I had my baby, it would be easy I thought... wrong again.
So for a couple of weeks after the birth I was doing well, eating healthy. Couldn't exercise due to birth injuries but I was slowly losing. All was going well then one day all of a sudden my baby girl got sick, very sick. We took her to the hospital and she was diagnosed with bacterial meningitis. She is fine now and we are very lucky to have her with us. But for those weeks she was in hospital I pretty much stayed in the small hospital room no exercise eating crap. I put on heaps of weight and when we came home I just couldn't be stuffed with exercise or eating healthy I just wanted easy.
So now here I am all fat again, feeling disgusting and hating seeing myself in the mirror. I was looking for quick fixes but come to my senses and realised I have lost weight before I can do it again and I was here before and losing weight,I'll just do the same things. So I started at 126kg on 18/10. I want to lose 20kg before christmas, this is my first goal. I'm already down a couple of kgs and really motivated. Will post later with diet and exercise details.