I can definately relate to your situation, we have a lot of similarities. I used to be slim and trim when I was first with my partner 52kgs at 15yrs old- now I'm more than double that. I like to keep things to myself, I found this site iss a great place to vent, you don't have to be so worried about sharing your intimate thoughts and feelings with a bunch of strangers as you would with family or friends. Even if no one is reading its great to get your feelings out, I use this site partly as a journal/blog if people comment great, if not well I've still got it off my chest. This site seems to be pretty slow, I am used to larger forums with a bigger member base but this one is great because I am already starting to get to know a few of the characters around here.
I am also no stranger with the bingeing and starving thing, this is one issue that haunts me with every weight loss effort. Every day is a struggle, its hard trying to stick to doing something healthy and taking your time when you know you can just starve yourself for a few days and lose teh same amount you would in a month. But I am starting to learn that that approach is stupid because after years and years of doing it that way Iam still as fat as I was when I started, actually fatter.
I would suggest you don't diet but find some permanent solution that will work for you, a complete lifestyle change maybe? I'm using the calorie king website to track my eating and I am regularly exercising now. I am eating regular meals and never feeling hungry and I know its working better than the typical starving myself routine or bingeing and then throwing up that I was used to. I don't feel deprived of eating anything, when I am doing well I let myself have a little not so healthy food just to feel normal. If you want chocolate don't deprive yourself, eat it in moderation I am sure you could find room in your daily intake to have a couple of squares of chocolate. I get the occasional chocolate craving, instead I have a nice big mug of jarrah choclait and feel content. If you have a slip up don't worry remember you are only human, we all slip up but instead of using it for an excuse to go on a huge binge or give up just get back on that horse and keep going, you'll reach your destination eventually but if you get off the horse you'll never make it!
I know when you are overweight its easy to be disgusted at yourself and ashamed when you look in the mirror, so many of us have this problem. I'm still working on this, my self confidence is terrible but its getting better. If you start doing things to make yourself healthy- exercise and healthy eating this will help change your self perception. I look in the mirror and yes I still see a big fatty but I am also seeing the changes and thinking wow I actually look pretty today, it helps to motivate me to keep going.
It sounds like you have a great family that loves you a lot. You need to start loving yourself though, you will not only be better for it but your family will too