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history of eating disorder

Postby danni_p87 » Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:30 pm

Hi I'm 21 and still suffering from an eating disorder however I am so motivated to get my weight down but changing my habits seems impossible. I suffered from severe anorexia for about 4 years and my weight dropped to below a BMI of 13. MY weight has now reached an all time high to a BMI of 27 and I am so desperate to get it back down. Does anyone have similar circumstances? Any help, comments, or advice would be appreciated.
If you have msn my address is [email protected]
even if you just want to chat...
HEIGHT: 168cm
CURRENT WEIGHT: 77.5kg

HIGHEST WEIGHT: 80.5kg
LOWEST WEIGHT: 38kg

GOAL WEIGHT: 56kg
danni_p87
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:27 pm

Re: history of eating disorder

Postby ali76 » Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:41 pm

Hi Danni,

My honest opinion would be, if you want to lose weight but you're worried it might get out of hand, do it under strict supervision of your doctor. I got quite sick a few years back and I promise you, being thin and feeling like that IS NOT WORTH IT! I'd much rather have a healthy mind and to be carrying a few extra kilos.

We can all give you advice and encouragement, but please see your doctor too!!

Good luck

xoxox
SW - 75.9
CW - 68
Happy weight - 68 (I MADE IT!!!)
GW - 65 (for now - and until I conceive!)
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Posts: 1794
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Location: Adelaide

Re: history of eating disorder

Postby danni_p87 » Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:44 pm

Thanks for the reply. I am currently under the supervision of my psychiatrist and my dietitian, both who have seen me through thick and thin. I just don't seem to be getting anywhere and it hurts to look in the mirror, knowing how much un-necessary weight I've gained. I know that i needed to gain enough to be healthy, but it's gone way too high. It's hard because I KNOW what normal eating is, but through periods of starvation/ bingeing/ re-feeding/ nasogastric feeding etc it's like my body has just said NO... it won't budge my weight because it's sick of the cycle. I feel stuck in a body that doesn't match my frame of mind, if that makes sense?
HEIGHT: 168cm
CURRENT WEIGHT: 77.5kg

HIGHEST WEIGHT: 80.5kg
LOWEST WEIGHT: 38kg

GOAL WEIGHT: 56kg
danni_p87
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:27 pm

Re: history of eating disorder

Postby ali76 » Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:48 pm

It does make sense.

I think you need to love your body again in order to make it healthy - as well as making it healthy to love it...it's a cirlce!

Perhaps take a little of the emphasis off food and put it into exercise. Do you exercise every day? Are there activities you enjoy doing?

What is your diet like? Do you eat a healthy balance? Carbs, Protein, Fibre?

A lot of us here use the Calorie King to see how many calories we should eat per day...this is an excellent way to keep track, it might help you a little bit?
SW - 75.9
CW - 68
Happy weight - 68 (I MADE IT!!!)
GW - 65 (for now - and until I conceive!)
User avatar
ali76
 
Posts: 1794
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Adelaide

Re: history of eating disorder

Postby danni_p87 » Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:02 pm

I try and exercise but because I also suffer from depression and anxiety somedays it gets the better of me and i hide out at home. As an approximate I do 2-3hours of exercise per week. I know that is nowhere near enough and nowhere near as much as i used to do (anywhere from 2-6hours exercise per DAY).
My daily diet is all over the place. for Breakfast i usually have a bowl of high fibre cereal such as all bran or vita brits with skim milk +/- fruit... then lunch can be anything- a sandwich, a salad, a bowl of ice cream, nothing... it depends on where i am and how i feel... dinner is usually vegetables and some form of protein (chickpeas/ fish/ tuna etc) as i do not eat chicken or red meat or crustaceans... tuna or white fish is it...
and snacking during the day can range from a healthy piece of fruit or a diet yoghurt... to a chocolate bar or toast.
even though i see my dietitian every 1-2 weeks, and my psychiatrist weekly, i still don't seem to be able to get things under control.
i use food as a distraction to block my anxieties and thoughts. also i use it as an emotional crutch if i feel lonely or insecure etc
i have all intentions of going to gym tonight for an hour but that may change as my mood changes more frequently than i can keep up with.
my dietitian has advised me against calorie counting as she fears i will get too caught up in it and set myself unrealistic goals that my body wont be able to cope with.
i'm just over it. somedays i just want to avoid waking up so i dont have to be seen by anyone
any advice?
HEIGHT: 168cm
CURRENT WEIGHT: 77.5kg

HIGHEST WEIGHT: 80.5kg
LOWEST WEIGHT: 38kg

GOAL WEIGHT: 56kg
danni_p87
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:27 pm

Re: history of eating disorder

Postby ali76 » Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:31 pm

Are you on any medication for your anxiety / depression?

I suffer depression too and I find that diet and exercise are 2 great things for it. I've tried to get in the habit of going to the gym straight from work (if I go home first, I normally just stay there!) so there's no excuses...and it is becoming a habit. The exercise releases lots of feel good hormones so it does help your depression and gives you more energy.

The first few times I went to the gym, I had to literally force myself but you begin to realise just how good it is for you and the amazing side effects - not just physically but emotionally.

I have those days too - where you don't want to get out of bed. You don't want to work, don't want to see friends or family, don't want to talk, don't want to do anything. You have to FORCE yourself....it's all a state of mind. You have to get control of your body and mind...don't let something awful like depression win over you.

I'm really glad you have doctors you can turn to....I'm by no means a professional, so my advice might not work for you...you just have to keep trying until you find something that does :)
SW - 75.9
CW - 68
Happy weight - 68 (I MADE IT!!!)
GW - 65 (for now - and until I conceive!)
User avatar
ali76
 
Posts: 1794
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2008 2:37 pm
Location: Adelaide

Re: history of eating disorder

Postby danni_p87 » Mon Feb 18, 2008 4:39 pm

The only medication i am currently on is Effexor-XR. I have been on zyprexa and seroquel recently though.
My biggest problem at the moment is finding a routine. I have recently quit my job and am now working only5-10 hours in a takeaway shop that my friend owns. I am also studying a bridging course that will hopefully get me into university to do nursing. I am struggling with getting to the classes though.
I know i need to force myself but that in itself is a struggle and quite often the anxiety and/or depression takes over. I worry too much about what other people will think of me and that quite often prevents me from getting to the gym. Hopefully, fingers crossed, I will get there today! Thanks again ali76 for all your replies and support. It means alot
HEIGHT: 168cm
CURRENT WEIGHT: 77.5kg

HIGHEST WEIGHT: 80.5kg
LOWEST WEIGHT: 38kg

GOAL WEIGHT: 56kg
danni_p87
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:27 pm

Re: history of eating disorder

Postby senoritanita » Mon Feb 18, 2008 5:41 pm

hi danni,

I went through a similar process to you with the extreme weight loss & gain, when I was about 18 I went on a hardcore diet & although I never stop eating I was obsessively exercising and got down to about 45 kilos, which was extremely unhealthy for my height. From that point I think the hassling of people to get me to eat coupled with completely losing how to have a healthy relationship with food & how to eat normally I gradually put on nearly 60 kilos :shock: over a couple of years. It was a constant battle in my head but most days would be spent bingeing.

Looking back on those days I was completely anxious, my whole life revolved around food & self-hate for letting myself get to that point. My solution was to go away to south america & travel for 6 months, I just figured I needed to get out of here and hopefully confront some demons. It didn't really work as even being in another place, far away from your normal life, the issues always return.

The turning point for me was learning to love myself, which sounds cliche and its not something you can magically do, it takes a lot of life experience to get through. Now i'm on my way to a healthy life again but am quite aware those demons could revisit me at some point.

I didn't intend this post to be all about me - what i'm trying to say is that absolutely everything in your life has to be in a good state of being to be able to lose the weight. From experience its impossible trying to frantically do something when you aren't happy with yourself. I would try focussing on eating healthily rather than dieting, and not thinking about it too much if that's possible, because that will be your downfall. Try setting small goals for yourself that you would like to achieve as a minimum per week, and see if you can achieve some of them, every little bit helps and you will get through this, I guess its just a journey that you need to go through to learn about yourself (even though it really sucks at the time!!)

sorry for the rambling. all the best. x
26.1 kgs lost... 23kgs to go (and counting!)
start date 13/09/07
senoritanita
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2008 2:55 pm
Location: Perth!

Re: history of eating disorder

Postby danni_p87 » Mon Feb 18, 2008 6:45 pm

thank you heaps senoritanita for your post.

I'm happy to hear that you have learnt/ or are learning to love yourself. That is a hurdle I have never even come close to jumping over. But it makes it seem possible.

It's hard when people tell you that you need to increase your self esteem and feeling of self worth, when that is honestly all i have ever known, is to hate myself and always feel lower than everyone else.

Anyways I guess I will cross that hurdle one day, hopefully sooner rather than later.

Thanks again,
Danni xoxo
HEIGHT: 168cm
CURRENT WEIGHT: 77.5kg

HIGHEST WEIGHT: 80.5kg
LOWEST WEIGHT: 38kg

GOAL WEIGHT: 56kg
danni_p87
 
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Feb 18, 2008 3:27 pm

Re: history of eating disorder

Postby senoritanita » Tue Feb 19, 2008 3:12 pm

exactly, people telling you to feel better about yourself is pointless because its not like you'll hear someone say that and then suddenly do it. You will definitely overcome the hurdle, it just takes time but the fact that you really want it will get you there faster. You are doing all the right things to get to where you want to be too. Remember you do deserve to have a healthy body at the weight you would like it to be, just as much as everyone else does!

All the best :)
26.1 kgs lost... 23kgs to go (and counting!)
start date 13/09/07
senoritanita
 
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Jan 15, 2008 2:55 pm
Location: Perth!


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