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time to be brutally honest

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time to be brutally honest

Postby danin » Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:40 pm

Hi I am not trying but am going to succeed in being healthy and fitter me. I am not going to be interested in scales and weighing myself to determine this as I have done in the past and this is because, I am a failure before I start when I use scales and food to control my dieting.

I am 40 and gained 20 kilos 10 years ago and this has now gone to nearly 30 kilos in the last 2 years. Why? EMOTIONS. My biggest war with myself is my depression which started before I gained weight. (I am sure there are many who will agree with this fact). I was fit and healthy, had a few kilos which I liked on me before I had post natal depression 13 years ago. I didnt gain weight till after the next birth. Then I lost very important things that kept me feeling good about myself such as confidence and respect. I gained things that helped hide the losses and my new insecure and sad me. Isolating myself, not caring about how I looked, losing also the interest in having a separate life to my husband and children which helped keep me interesting and self-confident. I was sad and felt guilty being depressed and I became a pleaser to my husband and I allowed my life my soul to disappear and I became a mother and wife not a person and individual. My husband was an angry man and this made it important for me to be a pleaser, to keep him appeased. This did not save my marriage or my self. He left me for a very young girl who was 4 months older than our eldest daughter, (17) She has now become what I was but she is slim and loving him, she puts him before our children and her new child to him. This is what he needed, what he wanted and I felt so guilty and depressed that I could not get him back and give him this.
It took 4 years to realise that I am a very important and beautiful person, I have a generous personality and I am loving and loyal. If he did not want me in his life than that was his choice and due to his emotional problems nothing to do with me and who I am. I still have depression and this illness will be with me for a very long time, but I have great resource and I make it live with me not the other way around. I treat it like diabetes or epilepsy.
I wrote that this was going to be brutally honest and maybe it isnt as brutal as Chopper Reeds Autobiography but it is an enormous admission from me to say all of this.
I do eat because of emotions, I am agrophobic and embarrassed to go to gyms due to the largeness of body and smallness of ability to do the exercises. I sometimes get nervous going into my backyard. I work and am happy on the outside to the people I serve at the cafe I work......I have turned off beer battered fries and I dont eat much while working. This is sometimes a worse way to keep weight on, not eating regular but just when you are hungry. I am going on this journey for the last time and I hope to share the good and bad and the ugly......and will listen and learn from the members already going on this journey or have succeeded.
Thank you for reading my life, and I am looking to the next time I can talk with more of my life and maybe there are a few members out there that share my journey? have similar life moments.

danin
 
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Re: time to be brutally honest

Postby milkyway » Mon Jun 16, 2008 9:56 pm

Hi Danin and welcome to our online community. I'm sure you'll find plenty of support and encouragement and friendship here.

Can I add a few more adjectives to your post? You are also smart to have the insight you do and incredibly corageous for posting your story :D

I look forward to reading about your progress :)
Just keep moving! And don't be lazy...
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SW: 74.3kg - 1/1/09
CW: 71.1kg - 3/5/09
GW 62kg
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Re: time to be brutally honest

Postby Moonie » Tue Jun 17, 2008 2:19 pm

wow! i am new to this site and what you have written is amazing and honest, i feel so much 4 u!! but you have taken the 1st step and r more than on your way! congrats and thanks 4 ur honesty it's beautiful all the best! i would luv to hear about ur progress, it's gonna b hard (4 all of us!) but i will b sending u good thoughts!!!
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no more binge eating!
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Re: time to be brutally honest

Postby Cac33 » Tue Jun 17, 2008 3:25 pm

Hi Danin & welcome to the forum.

Ditto to what Milkyway & Moonie have said! You are a strong person to be able to share your story & be so honest. I look forward to sharing your journey with you.

Good luck with your goals as I know you are going to suceed!
Cass

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SW: 108.3 (4Feb08)
CW: 96.1
GW: 70
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Re: time to be brutally honest

Postby Hurricane Katrina » Wed Jun 18, 2008 6:56 am

Hi Danin,

I'm new to this forum, but reading ur post has really touched me!!! I suffer from crhonic depression, so i can relate to that part of ur lifestory. I am so glad that despite all that u have been through, u realised that u cannot afford to let urself "die". It takes a lot of strength and courage to ackonowledge that losing weight and regaining good health is a challenge that is worthy of ur time and effort. Seeking health and a better quality of life is a journey that can only be accomplished with self-love!!

Well done for taking the first step to a healthier you!!! I look forward to sharing posts and following your progress. Thank u for being brutally honest.

All the best ;-)
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Starting weight: 70kg
1st mini-goal: 66kg (2009-06-08)
2nd mini-goal: 62kg
3rd mini-goal: 58kg
Goal weight: 54kg
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Re: time to be brutally honest

Postby tania2573 » Wed Jun 18, 2008 10:05 am

Hi and welcome to the forum,good luck with your goals. :)
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S.W 163.1 start date 19/2/2008
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