Hey im Sarah, im 18 years old and im 85kg. I never used to be this weight and i really dont know how i got here. As a child i was a healthy weight and at the age of 14 weighed 54kg, i decided i was fat and aimed to lose 4 kg. After losing 4 kilos i decided i was still to fat, during year 10 my weight reached around 48kg and believe it or not i stil thought i was to fat. At the time i didnt realise the dangerous line i was walking. Now looking back i can see i was on the verge of anorexia, i looked in the mirrow and saw fat, and i was controlling my food and exercise very strictly. This involved yoga every morning and no carbohydrates after 3pm. During year 10 i felt socially isolated, didnt have many friends and somehow my weight quickly reached 70kg by the end of the year.
Ive now finished year 12 this year and in the last few months, since the beggining of this year i have gained another 15kg. The scary thing is i dont seem to care, and ive accepted this fatness. I know I have an eating disorder, for some reason I actually pick the fattiest food on purpose, and i now associate feeling good with the worst food available, i nearly eat 24/7, I cant not eat. It has to stop, i am so young and i am already covered in stretchmarks which i fear will never fade. I think my stretchmarks would even shock women who have had children. Im sick of them, and i think it is there presence that is finally making me stop and do something. I think another thing that has held me back is the fact that my boyfriend has also gained a significant amount of weight whilst being with me, but not because of me lol. We were both very skinny when we first met. Anyways he accepts me no matter what, no matter how fat i am and so thats stopped me from bothering to lose it, however he has said hes worried about my health and thinks maybe if i gained 10kg more then id start to look to different, and i dont blame him. But the thing is this doesnt feel like me. I hate feeling self conscious, i dont feel like a fat girl inside, im just a girl with an eating disorder, i feel unhealthy, and the thing is even though im fat i still get hit on and checked out by men.
Losing weight for me will also have to be a mental thing, so that it never comes back, and i never think like this ever again. Finishing year 12 this year has made attempting to lose weight alot easier, there was no way i could do it whilst i was at school. I suffered from depression and anxiety and went untreated for over a year, this was combined with the pressure of the HSC, constant assignments, exams and the fear of the impending HSC exams in which i believed at the time would define my life and determine whether i was succesful or not. So yes i was under a hell of a lot of pressure.
When i was 14 i was even given a card from a modelling agency and threw it out cus i thought i was such a punk rocker and anti-fashion in those days! I dont feel like ive reached my full potential. When i do lose weight, id love to try and do a modelling job just once because i have never once believed i was beautiful. At the height of my depression, my mother drove me to school one day and i refused to get out of the car and just cried because of how ugly and gross i felt in comparrison to the other girls, who were skinny, acted dumb, but got high marks (yer i dont get it either).
I need to lose weight for my health according to my BMI i am obese, i want to be fit, and i want to look hot. My boyfriend is a musician, potential rockstars wives cant be fat lol.
Sorry for talking so much and being so personal but i really needed to get all of this off my chest, and am hoping to meet girls that can relate to anything im saying. What i really like about this site is that there are alot of girls overweight but uner 100kg, so i can relate to them because we have similar goals etc.
I was thinking of counting calories and having 1500 per day, cus my maitenance calories are 2020 and i am planning on walking my dog everyday 30-60 min purely cus they need it to. One of my dogs is over weight to