PM FOR MISSY-----
(Tried to send this via PM Missy - but it isn't working! so posting here.. sorry everyone, it's long!)
Hi there "Missyperson".. might just call you "Missy" if that's okay?
Man, I totally know how you feel. I was in your situation 8 years ago - I was 17, the biggest girl in my school - well over 100kgs and afraid to go near scales. I had great grades, got into what I wanted at uni (medicine), had lots of friends, got along well with my family.. everything was fab. But on the inside.. I was SO unhappy. I was petrified of free dress days - all my friends would wear miniskirts or midriff tops and I would be wearing daggy old lady clothes.. I loved swimming - in my own pool - but was too embarrassed to wear my bathers at school, so I used to make up excuses to get out of swimming class. I dreaded the formals (a time that a teenage girl is supposed to look forward to!) because it was awful finding something to wear... I still hate my photos from then!
Unfortunately, I spent the next four years in denial.. I joined a gym at one point with a friend, lost 10kg over a few months just by exercising heaps.. but then the gym membership lapsed, and I gained it all back. I had fun at uni, making friends, going to parties - I used to get really drunk to avoid feeling uncomfortable around all the pretty skinny girls wearing next to nothing. We had lots of costume parties - lots of excuses for girls to wear very little - and I had to try and cover up as much as possible - it was awful! When I think of how much I limited myself...
I also had very little self respect.. I told myself that no guy would ever want me, because I was fat and ugly, and therefore worthless. Never mind my intelligence, kindness, sparkling wit... I assumed that because of my looks, I would never have a boyfriend, and never get married. To cover, I used to joke with all my friends and talk about my "high standards" being the reason why I'd never had a boyfriend - truth was, no-one had ever asked me. I used to get drunk and then crack onto any guy I saw.. if he showed interest, I'd do whatever he wanted.. kissing, buying him drinks, doing drugs, even one night stands... I had NO self respect at all and told myself that I didn't deserve to be happy. I convinced myself that so few boys would ever want to kiss me or sleep with me, so I had better do it with anybody who did seem like they wanted to. Of course.. I just started hating myself more.
Gradually.. I started feeling like maybe there could be something more to my life. I was 20 years old, and acting like it was all over. But was it? I took a pretty big step - I went to see my GP, and I told her I wanted to lose weight. She referred me to a dietician and weighed me then and there. I was nearly sick - I had ballooned out to almost 140kg! I was wearing size 20-22 tops and size 24-26 bottoms. I was larger than anybody I knew. Blood tests proved that there was no "glandular problem" to blame - only myself and a lifetime of poor eating habits, and no exercise. I went to the dietician appointment not really knowing what to expect. I had a good education session - she told me how skipping breakfast was causing my metabolism to slow down, and that because I was so hungry, I would eat too much for morning tea/lunch. She told me that my calcium intake was minimal, and there have been studies done linking low calcium to weight gain. I learned SO much. After that first session, I started drinking "Up & Go" drinks for breakfast every day - got calcium, and got some nutrients in, no matter how rushed I was in the morning (you can drink them in the car/bus etc). I also kept a food diary, and saw the dietician fortnightly.
In a couple of months, I had lost 10kg, and I felt awesome. I was going for daily walks, I had renewed energy - I remember going to a picnic with friends and actually participating in a footy game, running around with everyone else - it was incredible for the girl who always sat by the sidelines. I had my 21st birthday, wearing my new size 22 jeans, and felt damn fabulous. I even got my hair straightened for the first time! I stopped having one night stands, stopped doing drugs, and stopped drinking to oblivion.. I became.. happy!
I made an important decision - best decision of my life - and deferred uni for a year to go travelling. I had lost a total of 20kg by this point and was wearing size 16 tops, and size 18-22 bottoms (depending on the brand). I felt confident - and even pretty! I wasn't a size 8, but it turns out you don't need to be a size 8 to be happy...I travelled in Europe and spent a lot of time in Ireland. I dated heaps when I was there - no one night stands - and even had my first long term relationship (6 months). Turned out that people a) thought I was gorgeous and sexy the way I was - that has a LOT to do with being confident! and b) also liked all that other stuff I thought wasn't relevant - the kindness, intelligence, and sparkling wit
It's two years on and I've stuck around the same weight (110kg) for a while. I met an awesome guy, finished uni, moved in with the guy, started working as a doctor. Living with a boy and eating boy-sized portions of meals, and stopping exercise hasn't agreed with me too well - I've put a bit of weight back on and I'm fluctuating between 115-120kg. I'm just now starting to buckle down and take this seriously again - time to lose the rest of the weight.
That was a novel! Sorry
Just wanted to tell you a bit about me so you know where I'm coming from. I'm not perfect, I don't have all the answers - I don't know how to lose 50kg in 6 weeks or anything like that. I just know that the most important factor in this - the MOST important factor - is learning to love yourself, and gaining confidence in yourself. No more "punishing" your body with lettuce diets or cabbage soup. No more "bad" foods and no more punishment with exercise. Think to yourself "I deserve to be healthy" rather than "I'm a fat censored and I need to be thin else I should just die". Think of skipping morning tea cakes as kindness to your body, rather than a punishment. Think of that extra walk to the shops, or taking the stairs, as an extra bonus you can give your body.
Start slowly. Start with very small goals. Why not try keeping a food diary? Write down what you eat every day for a week. Have a look at it.. were there binges? Were there things you maybe shouldn't have eaten so much of? What were you feeling when you ate it? Were you tired/stressed/bored/happy/sad/frustrated/angry/actually hungry? Just keeping tabs on yourself can do wonders. Maybe start drinking some more water the week after. Try a tall glass of water before a meal, or when you feel like snacking - wait ten minutes, and see if you are still hungry before indulging. Eat slower - enjoy your food, and listen to your body - stop when you're full, not when it hurts. Start putting in some incidental exercise - get off the bus a stop later, walk to the shops, take the stairs - anything to get going!
You can build up every week and see how you go
Ohh.. that is WAY too much writing. I'm just going to stop here. For any more advice, or a chat, feel free to pm me again, or e-mail me at [email protected]
. You're probably better off asking specific questions, because I tend to ramble
Best of luck! Chat soon.. hang in there, you are NOT alone!