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Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby xlannalx » Sat Jan 03, 2009 7:02 pm

Hi everyone

I'm new to this forum, but not new to trying to lose weight lol.

I had put on quite a bit of weight 3-4 years ago and have been trying to shake it off the past couple of years. Unfortunately I have been pushing my partner further and further away from me because I have been less and less confident and losing alot of self esteem because I am feeling so self conscious. He has been very supportive in the past but I haven't been staying motivated and am always making excuses not to go out with him or to meet his new friends because I am scared of people making fun of me.

He's very very fed up and feels as though we should head in separate directions, that a break up is necessary for us, if I don't prove that I am going to sort myself out and keep to my promises - he's not a superficial person at all but he wants me to feel more confident and to be happier so i'm less mopey and argumentative and will actually be fun again and hang out with him and our friends alot more. I have been like this for the past couple of years and I can understand why he's sick of waiting around for me to become happier and seeing me lose motivation so easily all the time.

I have 9 weeks til he comes back (he's serving overseas at the moment) to show alot of progress (i want to be halfway through my goal by 1 March) and I know by doing this for myself I will be alot happier and start being the social butterfly i used to be which in turn will save my relationship with the love of my life.

I have started the optifast diet and it's been really great - I only do it for breakfast and lunch and for dinner I have a large bowl of steamed vegetables (comes to around 500 calories per day) and i'm teaming that up with lots of crunches and push ups and a daily walk - hopefully this will make quite a difference!

I am on my last chance and I really want to do this for myself and my partner and am hoping daily visits to this forum will keep me motivated and on track - has this forum been a help to anyone else?

Good luck to everyone on their weight loss journeys!

Anna
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby mumnbub » Sun Jan 04, 2009 12:59 pm

Its great to see your making a firm decision to lose weight, but i have to say i dont think your going about it in a healthy way- according to your goal your aiming to lose 2.5kg a week (there abouts) which is not healthy, you should be aiming for 500g to 1kg a week. Plus, you said 500caleries, is that just your dinner meal or is that howmuch your having in a day? if its over the whole day your not eating anywhere near enough and this will make it harder for you. There are plenty of people on this site who will agree and have lost plenty of weight by even eating 1500 caleries in a day which is more about what you should be having- check out calerieking.com.au, you can add all your details and it will tell you how much you shoul be eating each day to lose weight.

Your exercise sounds good, walking is one of the best exercises you can do and by adding weight bearing exercises to it gives your body a good chance to lose weight.

Please re think your food intake before your body starts holding onto the fat because its starving which will stop you from losing more weight.

Good luck and if you need any more advice please just ask, there are plenty of people who will help out.
Start weight: 98kg April 2008
22/12/08- 80.7kg
29/12/08- 81.8kg
04/01/09- 81.6kg
12/01/09- 81kg
19/01/09- 80kg
09/02/09- 79.3kg
Next goal 75kg

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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby electrongirl » Sun Jan 04, 2009 1:11 pm

1 thing I have to ask. Has your partner said anything about your weight in regards to the break-up? Or is it your attitude, moods etc? Because if he is telling you to lose weight or else, then he is not worth it. However if your weight is bringing you down and making you miserable and THATS whats driving him away, I can understand (I have been there many MANY times trust me).

The first thing you have to do is get your confidence back. Without confidence in yourself, you will fail. Set small achievable goals. Just having that last amount as a goal is scary and daunting. Break your weight up. Set your first goal to 1kg. Once you reach that, set it to 5kg, then 10kg etc etc. Reward yourself with things like beauty treatments or jewellery or whatever you think.

My ex used to tell me all the time I was miserable and no fun to be around because all I ever did was mope around because I felt so ugly. He didn't help though as he hated my weight and called me fat alot too.

You need to put your full self into this, because if you want to lose the weight and keep it off you have to commit yourself to it everyday of your life.

Start small. Make small changes at first. Drastic changes for some people can be too much and cause you to run back to the bad habits.

And we are always here to help!
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby xlannalx » Sun Jan 04, 2009 1:38 pm

thanks for the advice mumnbub - yeah i will up my calories a bit then.

electrongirl - no hes not ending the relationship because of my weight, its more because i used to be fit and healthy when we first met and i started putting on a bit of weight and then my confidence and self esteem pretty much disappeared and im too scared to meet new people and his new friends or go out anywhere coz im scared of people making fun of me or making fun of him for being with me. ive been mopey and self conscious and the censored drive is disappearing and i used to shower with him all the time but now i close the door and i dont even get changed anywhere near him - we had a huge argument about it a couple of weeks ago and i can see how thats making him feel, im really pushing him away and not being a part of this relationship because of it, hes knows and i know that if i lost the weight and got back the body i used to have my confidence will come back and ill be happier again.

hes also just sick of me making these promises to lose weight the past couple of years and then seeing me lose motivation so quickly (and hes been very supportive), its been a battle for him more than it has been for me. so no hes not superficial to break up with me just because of my weight, hes told me a million times hes not ashamed to be with me and wants to introduce me to everyone he knows, ive been the one hiding myself.

ill give the small goals a go - i think it might even be better for me because it probably wont feel as daunting and i guess ill see the results more postively and more often too, which then will probably keep my motivation up. i hope i can make alot of progress in the next 9 weeks!

thanks for your advice and help guys!
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby electrongirl » Sun Jan 04, 2009 2:04 pm

Well he sounds like he cares alot about you and it probably kills him to see you so depressed.

What kind of support system do you have around you? Friends, family etc?

Have you seen a doctor? Talking to a doctor about how your feeling may help. Its always good to get an unbiased opinion.

I suffer from chronic depression so I know how it helps having people to talk to. I'm not saying you have depression, however you have some symptoms.

If you need someone to talk to, send me a private message and let me know. I am always willing to help.
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby Gordz » Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:37 pm

I missed this thread. What a sad story =( But i'm so proud of you for deciding to do something about it. We're all behind you 100% and if you ever lose motivation, let us know and we will all kick you up the bum. lol. I hear great things about optifast. I'm on optislim, not sure what the difference is. Anyway, best of luck and go getem!
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Start date: 12/8/2013
Highest - 144.8kg

Current - 141.3kg

Goal - 110kg

3.5kg lost

31.3kg to go
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby MagicGirl79 » Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:30 pm

Hey There Anna - Congrats on the very hard decision to lose weight!

If you're going to look at breaking up your weight loss into smaller goals, then I suggest going for 5kg blocks, it's the easiest to track AND... the good news is that after your awesome start you're only 300g away from your first mini-goal!!! I think you should reward yourself with a facial or a massage, something that will make you feel special about yourself. :D
Cheers,
Kate
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby BigBasil » Sat Jan 17, 2009 12:11 pm

Hi, well, I thought I would trow in my 2c worth here as well. Sounds like he actually loves you for you, not your weight. Ever considered that? Its not the fact that you arent trying to loose weight, its the fact that you are making such a big issue of loosing it that he feels at a loss what to do himself. Perhaps if you focused more on him instead of making wieghtloss the biggest issue in your lives then the weight loss will become more of a hobby and you may in fact loose the weight you want to.

Believe it or not, there are a lot of men out there who would rather have a woman who is healthy(doesnt not mean skinny) and happy then a miserable woman complaining about how much weight she has to loose.

Big Basil
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby electrongirl » Sat Jan 17, 2009 12:29 pm

BigBasil wrote:Hi, well, I thought I would trow in my 2c worth here as well. Sounds like he actually loves you for you, not your weight. Ever considered that? Its not the fact that you arent trying to loose weight, its the fact that you are making such a big issue of loosing it that he feels at a loss what to do himself. Perhaps if you focused more on him instead of making wieghtloss the biggest issue in your lives then the weight loss will become more of a hobby and you may in fact loose the weight you want to.

Believe it or not, there are a lot of men out there who would rather have a woman who is healthy(doesnt not mean skinny) and happy then a miserable woman complaining about how much weight she has to loose.

Big Basil


Dude I understand your probably just trying to help, but you are coming across as a little harsh. And not just in this post either.
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby xlannalx » Sat Jan 17, 2009 10:19 pm

electrongirl - thanks for all your support in this and my support system isnt very strong as we moved to a new city just before i put on most of the weight which is probably another factor in how it got here because i didnt know anyone here and just had my fiance so i wasn't going out all the time and sorta feeling a bit lonely (but not too lonely coz i have him of course! :D) but im doing really well lately and since starting this weight loss plan and recording my weight changes and making a calendar with a todo list on each day of what to eat and exercises and how long for i feel really good everytime i tick one of those boxes and it just keeps me reminded every day, just another way to keep me on the right track a motivated. but i've lost a bit of weight and its already making me feel better psychologically and i got to talk to my fiance on the phone the other day and he could tell i was more cheerful and as soon as i hit my 10kg marker i will buy myself a new outfit and go out with a new friend ive met.

gordz - thanks! yes its finally all in place and im making progress. i only use the vanilla milkshakes on the optifast and use three a day (so one box lasts me a week) and i actually feel really good because i eat my bowl of veges (sometimes with Kraft Vegie Pourover to make it less bland) at dinner time which is when i sometimes used to binge as well as a banana in the afternoon which is another terrible food time so i havent been feeling hungry at all because im filling myself up with healthy low calorie foods when im usually hungry and sticking to the optifast plan. i hope you do really well on the optislim diet! :)

magicgirl79 - thanks for the congrats, yeah its been a struggle and im really glad im making some progress and i think thats the most motivating thing in all of this is seeing that number on the scales get lower and lower!! and i didnt notice i was only 300g away from it! yeah its definately a positive and this forum has definately helped and i hope i can help keep other people motivated as well!

bigbasil - i totally understand where you are coming from, i understand that he loves me for me, i never said that he didnt but i did mention that hes just tired of me being depressed because im so overweight and not feeling confident in going out because i feel disgusting in my clothes (i used to be such a fashion obsessed girl) and because im not confident like i used to be and feeling more and more self conscious thats whats causing me to push him away and is really make him fed up. i get exactly what you mean and that is definately my problem - but i know that i will never ever feel comfortable or confident like i used to be until i lose this weight and he knows it and i know it so im just trying my hardest while he's away (so this issue isn't shoved in his face all the time) to lose the weight and get myself together so i can focus on more important things in life and focus more on our relationship again and be happier again which i know will help the relationship because i wont be too shy to go out with him all the time and spend time with him no matter where we go or who we meet up with. and i agree my fiance is definately not into the stick thin girls and likes to see a bit of curve in the right places, thats what makes a woman, so im definately not going to lose TOO much weight - thanks for your 2c!

hope everyone is doing well in their weight loss battles! keep working hard!
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby starr22 » Sat Jan 17, 2009 10:33 pm

Hi, sounds like you're doing really well :D And in good spirits! Good luck with everything. How much do u have to lose to get to your goal?
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby starr22 » Sat Jan 17, 2009 10:45 pm

hehehe just saw your details at the bottom of your post, whoops :lol: I need to learn to look a bit harder :roll:
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby xlannalx » Sat Jan 17, 2009 10:46 pm

i have 19.6 to go til i get to my halfway marker by hopefully 1 March and then another 20kg by 1 May (although depending on how i feel and look i might do 65kg or a little more, just as long as im under 70kg and fitting into size 10's and some 8's haha) so far ive lost 4.7kg then a couple of days ago i binged and put on 1.5kg but ive lost that 500g - lol i think im yo-yo-ing a bit but i am definately making progress.
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby starr22 » Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:06 pm

Hey you're going great so far, we all have little slip ups along the way (i'm the queen of slip ups :lol: ) But aslong as you're making progress, thats the main thing. I'm the same as you, in that I want to be fitting into a size 10! I'm not sure what weight I will be when that happens......I'm guessing for me it will be the low 60's, such a long long way off :shock: but we will get there eventually, persistance is the key :D
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby xlannalx » Thu Jan 22, 2009 11:18 pm

i think my problem with this whole weight loss thing is i have no idea what size ill be at what weight - i just cant visualise it and i dont even know if my goal weight is the right one for me! when i was fit years ago in my mid teens when i used to be a dancer i was 52kg (i am 160cm tall or i guess you could say 160cm short haha) but some people used to say i was a bit too slim and needed to put on some weight (but my mum and dance teacher wouldnt allow it - but i was in no way starving myself - my gosh could i eat back then! but i was in high school, living with my parents, partying and dancing 25hrs a week! - definately no time for this now that i live with my partner study and work full time) and i was a size 6-8. i am hoping to be a size 10 but i dont know if 64kg is right (and i cant really base it on the BMI because thats just a range not taking into consideration should i have quite a bit of lean muscle or bone density or just some damn heavy jewelry!)

starr22 - my halfway marker is 80kg and i noticed ur at 80kg-ish now, can i ask how tall you are and what size clothing you are already fitting into?
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