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Weight Loss / Save Relationship

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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby GONZO » Fri Jan 23, 2009 6:56 am

Hi Xlannalx,

64kg is about right for your height. I am 159cm, and have set my goal at 63kg. This is in the upper end of all the healthy weight range charts that I have seen. Like you, I have no idea what I am going to look like as I lose weight, as I have never done it before. Scary!
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby Alexandra » Sun Jan 25, 2009 10:41 am

I've just started following your progress, you sound like such a sweet girl and although I'm a perfect stranger I just want to give you a big hug! I'm a bit worried for you :shock: people have been too harsh in some of their comments, in my opinion in your thread, but maybe it's helped you. But I feel I need to add that weight loss should never "save a relationship" or really even make you happy, it should in my opinion, be used primarily to make you healthy and increase your well being and quality or standard of life. I get that being happy is a byproduct but I hear so much of what you are saying in what I used to say."I'll just finish school and I'll be happy, I'll just get a boyfriend, and I'll be happy, I'll just finish uni and I''ll be happy, I'll get get married and I'll be happy, I'll get my dream job and I'll be happy, I'll just lose weight and I'll be happy. I must have said it 20 times with 20 different milestones (which I have all achieved) yet my happiness level is just the same. Then I had this epiphany, it's not actually a milestone, its me! It's inside me already, its a way of thinking and feeling. I'm no doctor, but I have also suffered from depression and the things you describe, loss of enjoyment in activities, not hanging out with friends, not doing the things you enjoy, low sex-drive, these are classic signs of depression (as electrongirl said) and it may help to talk to a doctor as well *wonders*. On another side note, I also have family in the defense force and understand the upheaval it makes in your life when you move to a different city and how lonely you can get when your partner is way (my cousin is deployed at the moment somewhere). My other cousin was heavily involved as a volunteer in defense families and they can be a wonderful network of support. I know you aren't feeling confident due to your size but please, forget that, take advantage of the wonderful support network defense families have because that's what they are there for and loneliness is one of the worst things in the world. Geez *prods everyone to see if you are all awake* On the weight loss front, it's a tricky business, there is lots of support and guidance here so good luck with your goals. You said in one of your posts that you used to be a dancer, that is a great form of exercise, can you tap into your expertise there and get back into dancing for exercise? Best wishes with everything and good luck. :D :D
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HW: 127 kg
CW: 93.7 kg
GW: 68 kg
LW: 73 kg
Alexandra
 
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby xlannalx » Sun Jan 25, 2009 1:05 pm

hi alexandra, thats a really wonderful post! you seem like a very motivational type of speaker - are you a counsellor? :) yeah i think i may have come across a little wrong before - i mean i am focusing on the happiness as the byproduct of it all, the happiness is meant to come from being fit and healthy and feeling confident in my body and enjoying the acitivities i used to enjoy such as even something as simply as hanging out at the beach and going clothes shopping and i used to love my watersports and such. yeah i was a dancer but i cannot tap into that type of dancing anymore (ballet is not something you can go back to once you've stopped - i started when i was 3, its been a few years since so im way past my syllabus). yeah the defence force can be a bit tough but ive been alright and im definately using this time apart to focus more on myself and acheiving the weight loss goals as well as focusing alot on my studies and work. i feel as though ive made a bit of progress, ive been drinking plenty of water and doing pilates everyday to see if i can avoid the popular saggy skin problem but i know in the end nothing i do will avoid or cure saggy skin - sometimes over time is can shrink back and slow weight loss unfortunately isnt the key, losing weight slowly is just more appealing aesthetically because youre giving ur skin time to shrink with the weight loss - if its going to shrink then it will shrink a little after you lose the weight as well. it really depends on how fast you put weight on in the first place and how long youve had the weight :( *fingers crossed* that i dont get it. oh and on top of that my cat broke my scales last night so i couldnt weigh myself this morning to see if i had made any more progress, damn! i will have to go out and buy another set, maybe in the mean time i can put some clothes on a see if they feel loose lol
xlannalx
 
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Sun Jan 25, 2009 1:36 pm

They have adult ballet classes around the place that cater for a range of skill levels. I know there are a few in Melbourne. I used to do it myself before I became a student and got too poor to afford the classes. Not sure if there are many in Brisbane though. It would be worth looking in the Yellow Pages or doing a Google search. Just having a quick look it seems that Sayers Dance Centre in Kenmore offers adult ballet classes. No idea how convenient that suburb is to you, mind you.

I think it's fine to lose weight for the sake of your significant other, provided your significant other is worth holding on to. I think the first thing you should work on is your self-esteem. That would put you in a better position to decide if it's worth saving your relationship. Weight loss is great for health and could improve your confidence, but it's not a magic bandaid that's going to make you confident and full of self-esteem once you hit an arbitrary number on the scales.

You are a lovely, wonderful person and it's sad that you don't share that opinion. Counselling might be a good idea because as Alexandra said you seem like you have at least some degree of depression. Whether that's caused by the weight or is an independent issue could only be figured out by a qualified professional.

Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

*Hugs*,
Ali
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Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby Alexandra » Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:17 am

hehehe, I'm absolutely no expert, quite the opposite! But I am a caring observer. You do have to be careful though, (I love quoting my funny father-in-law and like he says, opinions are like ar*eholes, everyone's got one), so the best advice is to have a think about it all in conjunction with your particular circumstance and go with what works for you. You are absolutely on the right track and doing a great job and the forum just helps to give you some tips and encouragement along the way! You've got it all inside you already, so best of luck with your endeavours, but I know you'll do really well anyway!

And great tip and info from Ali there about Adult dance classes...and I reckon if you can do ballet, you can do any dance. I loved watching 'so you think you can dance' and there was a ballet dancer who got to the top 10! Never say never :wink:
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/w4nfAl9/]
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HW: 127 kg
CW: 93.7 kg
GW: 68 kg
LW: 73 kg
Alexandra
 
Posts: 660
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2008 10:33 pm
Location: Brisbane

Re: Weight Loss / Save Relationship

Postby xlannalx » Mon Jan 26, 2009 1:28 pm

thanks everyone, i love all the support and great advice. i am feeling much better in myself already by deciding to do something about this extra weight and also to protect my health (my gosh do i miss doing stuff without losing my breath so quickly!!! lol) i really like this forum and how everyone can express what they feel - some times the comments are bad but either way i like to see all the different views and hear other peoples thoughts, i think thats what helps the most. oh and i dont think i really want to go back to ballet, i sort of left it behind after highschool, i mean i wouldnt mind doing it as a bit of a hobby but i dont really want to aspire to be part of a company anymore and i just have so many memories of being tired and sore and rushed around all over the place, but i wouldnt mind doing salsa and some hiphop (dont like too much hiphop/rap music but i love the dancing its so energetic and playful). i also cant wait to get back into kitesurfing and riding the motos with my partner (havent been doing it much while he's been gone and i dont know anyone else here at the moment who does it) but yeah im feeling great and i really hope everyone else is doing well, ive incorporated some extra calories in my diet, i dont really want to force feed myself more food because i havent been feeling hungry, i think my body has re-trained itself a little, but ive decided to add like steamed chicken to my veges and instead of having a salad im having a salad roll (soy and linseed) to add some calories to slow the weight loss down a little. i really like everyones different ideas on losing weight and have really seen its such a person by person thing and no one particular diet can work as well for everyone else. and most people seem to be enjoying the wii-fit! I WANT ONE NOW! lol
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