Hello Everyone I too struggle with my weight. I am 39 years old. I have been marriade for 19 years.. I have 3 children...a son who is nearly 18, and a daughter who is 3 years old & a baby girl who is 9 months old. My 2 girls are mine & my husbands little miracle as after having Joel (our son, who we also adore) it took 14 years of me trying, to fall pregnant again, then along came our beautiful girls. I tell you all this so you have an insight into my life. When I got marriade I was 20 years old & 55 kilo's, a few months later I fell pregnant with Joel & put on 31 kilo through out the pregnancy. Went from 55 kilo's to 86kilo. After having Joel I fell to 76 Kilo's, Being so young I went to weight watches & got to 64kilo very quickly, But from then until now my weight has yo yoed through out the years. When I fell pregnant with Bethany my first little girl I was 76 kilo's & got to 98 while pregnant, got back down to 84kilos, my weight went up but not down from there. I fell Pregnant with Chloe & got to 98 kilo's had Chloe & hardly lost any....I am now 95kilos & it will not budge. I am only 5 foot 2...159cm. I try so hard to be happy & enjoy my life & give my kids & great happy life with a happy mum, but inside I am so ashamed. I feel repulsive. My husband adores me & tells me everyday that he would love me the same even if I was a tiny little thing or the size of a house, and I love to hear it, but when I see myself in the mirror it make me repulsed. I can't stand the look of myself. I live in secret deppression over this. My husband knows how much it breaks my heart but doesn't understand just how much being this size & putting goals on myself to loose weight & failing at it, is doing to me emotionally. I feel like a total failure.
To add more stuggle to the inability to loose weight, I have low thyroid & have to take 1 and ahalf thyroid tablets everyday. I spend alot of time in my life terrified to put food in my mouth in fear that I will gain more weight. Weight loss, calories, & fitness, consumes 90% of my thinking. My docotors tell me that I am very fit & healthy...I have very low cholestrol, no sign of type 2 Dibeties, & even though I have bad siatica from breaking my tailbone in labour, I try & keep very active. I am a very competetive person who has always been my biggest critic, When ever I had any goals in life I acheived them with pride. So as you can imagine, for me to stuggle with this & not be able to even hide the problem from the rest of the world. (if I could just remove the fat & hide it in a draw so the rest of the world was none the wiser, i wouldn't have this problem LOL) is a severe struggle. I have now lost all motivation to do anything about it. I dont even believe myself anymore. I say... "Today is the day I am going to improve this situation" (then a voice comes to my head saying "liar...I've heard it all before") I can't even convince myself anymore. I can't stay in the zone long enough to get any successful results. Sorry for the winge but I feel terrible. I feel if I vent it to people who understand then I can hide my emotions from the rest of the world.
Good luck everyone...
Love Gayle x x x