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A Journey

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A Journey

Postby funstopper » Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:14 pm

Hi All

I have decided today is the day to start a journey, not a short walk or small trip but a life long journey and I would like to make some friends along the way.

Ok, so what kind of journey I hear you ask, well...obviously it involves weight loss, but its more than that. You see, I am a 31 year old woman who has lost myself in the world that is my life. It is hard to explain really but the easiest way to put is that the last time I really remember feeling like me was when I was 25. At 25 I had the world at my feet, I had settled into my career as a Quality Assurance Manager in a large and reputable company, I had finally met a man that I adored and he adored me and I was settled in a town that I really loved. I had it all.

Over the next few years I was so happy, my life was just what I wanted, there was only one problem...my weight started to creep up and up, only slowly but it was on the up. Then at the age of 28 and after being with my loved one for 3 years we decided to try for a baby, it didn't take much trying and we were to expect our bundle of joy in June 2006. The pregnancy went by without too many hiccups but I put on even more weight, then our daughter was born, it was the most amazing experience and she was just so precious. We were a family and we were so happy.

Over the first 12 months of her life, I was dedicated to her, I wanted to do everything I could to give her the best start in this world, then when she was 11 months I had to make the tough decision whether to return to work or not. I returned to work, mostly because of the financial gains for my family. However, the busy life of work, which regularly was a 60 hour week and being the best mother and partner that I could was not good for my health, I was constantly under pressure both at work and at home (although pressure at home was only the pressure I put on myself to be some kind of superwoman) and the stress was getting to me, in order to cope I started emotional eating. Slowly but surely I was loosing sight of who I was and I was becoming some kind of robot that just kept eating more and more in order to cope with my hectic life.

Then in January 2008 I fell pregnant again, it wasn't exactly unplanned just not expected to happen so soon. At the beginning of my pregnancy I weighed in at 118kg, I knew it was going to be a rough road ahead of me, but with a bit more emotional eating, I managed, but by the end of my pregnancy I was 142kg. I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy in October 2008 and I was so happy, our family was complete. However, the birth was complicated and I did not come out of it unscathed, I suffered severely high blood pressure problems immediately after the birth and still do to this day and to top it all off I now suffer mild depression. After the birth things were tough, he was a very unsettled little bubba and it took us quite a few months to get settled and really bond however, during that time I coped by eating. Then 6 months later it was time to return to work, I arranged a day to return with the CEO and was to return to my high pressure position of QA Manager within the same company, then two days before that day the company announced it was closing the factory in which I worked and we were all to be made redundant. I was devastated, after all, the factory was in a small town and there were not many other opportunities for work within the immediate area. That was when my emotional eating really got out of control.

My partner and I decided that I would become a stay at home mummy with our two beautiful children but I found this hard to cope with as other than my two stints of maternity leave, I had always worked, and although it was a high pressure high stress job, I loved it. But the more I ate then better I would feel, sounds crazy but it was working I was starting to feel better. I have now been at home, emotionally eating for 3 and a half months, I have no idea what I weigh as the scales in our bathroom only go to 100kg. I have seen the district health nurse where we live and although I got on the scales I was too scared to hear what they read, I begged her not to tell me. She said if I come back in a week or so, when I am feeling better within myself she will tell me then.

So thats how I landed here, I have thought alot about it today since leaving the nurses office and I am ready to start this journey, I know its going to be long and hard and I know there will be some hiccups along the way but I am ready. My first goal is to build my confidence so I can go to the nurse next week and find out what that number is, I am prepared for the fact that it is going to be high and I am certain that I fall in the morbidly obese range but I know the first step is to face that number, to look at it and acknowledge it, if I can't do that then I am sure that my journey will be short lived. I am hoping by joining this forum I will meet some people that are willing to share my journey and can offer me some help, advice and support and also help keep me motivated, after all I have tried losing weight in the past and I start out all gung-ho but soon loose the motivation to keep going. This time it must be different, for me, my much loved partner and my kids. I want to be able to play with them and not just sit on the sidelines and watch cos I don't have the energy or I'm too big to get on the playground with them.

I desperately need to find myself inside this body that has grown so big it is hiding the person I was and still am on the inside, I want the outside to reflect what's on the inside...or at least what used to be there, I hope it is still there. So please join me in my journey of self discovery, enlightenment and weight loss, any advice, tips and suggestions to help me along the way will be greatly appreciated, as would a friendship or too along the way.

Thanks for listening

Funstopper (thats what my kids and partner call me...cause when they are up to no good (aka fun) I stop them)
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Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did

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Re: A Journey

Postby longy » Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:26 pm

wow funster thanks for sharing that story, i know it can be difficult to get down into words. Welcome, I hope you find a lot of support here, in fact I know you will! There are a lot of people here who are on/ have been on similar journeys and everybody has their own special brand of advice and helpfulness. You've done a great job by seeing the CHN and by stopping in here- everybody is here to help you reach your goals!!!!
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Re: A Journey

Postby GayleMarie » Thu Jun 18, 2009 1:23 am

Well now you will be the funstarted...Hello, well done to you for making these first step to a more happier slimmer you. I would love to be a fellow fatty friend. We are all here for the same reason & together we can conquer our demons. Go to the doctors, with your head held high, walk in there all excited and enthusiastic, let the doctor see that you are on the road to the new you, it maybe a path that you lost along the way (who hasn't) but you are on your way home. I am still very enthusiastic for my own weight loss & I have walked every night this week for an hour at a time, Im loving it & my border collie Heidi is loving it too. I also walk with my identical twin sister we both have weight issues & are on this journey for the final time. There it is no more going back to unexceptable ways. I wish you true success. Remember.... every step forward is a victory (even a baby step) you can do this just stay focused on the big picture, & set yourself mini goals so there is lots of success & minimal failure along the way.

Take Care,
from GayleMarie x x x
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Re: A Journey

Postby funstopper » Thu Jun 18, 2009 3:46 pm

Well, I'm nearly half way through the first week of the rest of my life and so far so good.

Been for walks each day, even if it is with the kids so only at a slow pace but better than nothing. The food side of things I am really enjoying, I've been researching and reading anything I can get my hands on about dieting and healthy food choices, I've even cooked a couple of really yummy meals (I mean I always cooked before but only ever the same old meat and 3 veg) and I'm really enjoying discovering new meal ideas and tastes.

I'm still feeling good about my decision to take this life changing journey and I'm still in that positive frame of mind but I need to get some sort of exercise routine happening. I started out Tuesday morning all gung-ho and did a routine of step ups, lunges and weights (using a couple of half bricks cos I don't have any weights) while the kids were still in bed and then later in the day I put my son in the pram, got my daughter on her bike and off we trotted for a fairly well paced 30 minute walk. Since then though I haven't really done much, a couple of walks to the shop to get milk and bread but only at snails pace cos I have my 3 year old with me and they don't walk all that fast but thats it. The early morning routine before the kids get up went out the window cos my 8 month old has decided he doesn't want to sleep through the night anymore so I've been too tired to get up early and I was going to go for a walk without the kids in the evening when my hubby got home from work but he isn't particularly supportive and whinged and whined about being left home with both the kids...he couldn't understand why I couldn't take them with me. By the time we finished debating the issue it was dark outside and time to get tea on. Oh well, I'll keep trying, I guess all I can do is try and fit it in my day and if it doesn't happen I just have to remember not to get so down on myself or beat myself up about it. Each day is a new chance to press on, put the previous day behind me and push forward on this journey.

Oh well, enough said for me today, have to go and find something to occupy myself for a while so as not to shove my head in the cupboard and eat out of sheer boredom. Might even head out in the yard and play a game of totem tennis with my 3 year old, its better than no exercise at all I guess.
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Re: A Journey

Postby Miss Jo » Thu Jun 18, 2009 4:23 pm

Welcome to the forum Funstopper!!!

Wow - what a journey you will have, we are all here to back you up! :D

You sound really motivated and for all the right reasons! I can't wait to read up on your progress :D :D
1st GW: 64kg
Final GW: 60kg
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Re: A Journey

Postby sarahm » Mon Jun 22, 2009 5:27 pm

hi there.i just read your eloquent and very touching posts and would certainly like to extend the hand of friendship to you. i have been on this site afew months. i also fell victim to emotional eating after leaving a very dysfunctional relationship[ 12 yrs and two children later] . i ate myself from 70kg to 106kg in two yrs. this year as the scales crept over 100 kg i took stock of myself[ small quiet voice from within .no loud bells ringing!].i am now weighing in at 86kg and my G.P would like me to get back to 70kg. another 16kg!? phew. it sounds like you are struggling [as we all do] with the many pressures of being a mum and partner and like heaps of us you and your needs are coming dead last. this is a trap for so many women it seems,.hopefully by coming on here i and others can help you to see you are worthy of being treated the same way you would treat a friend- with love and kindness. my hotmail address is [email protected] if you would like to add me to chat to. i am sarah and i am 36 yrs old,living in sydney. we must connect-all of us struggling with this issue- it is simply too difficult to do in isolation! hope you are doing ok and hope to hear from you soon. take care-sarahm.xx
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Re: A Journey

Postby funstopper » Tue Jun 23, 2009 3:00 pm

Hi Sarah, thanks for the encouraging words and for making me feel welcome. The support I have recieved after only being on here for a week and a bit is fantastic, it is really inspiring. I live in a fairly isolated rural area and although I have many great friends here it can be hard to share with them as they are not overweight like me and although they would be supportive they don't really understand how I feel. I am hoping you and i can become friends, you sound like you know exactly how I feel and what I have been going through with regard to my weight.

I am happy to report I have lost 2 kilo's in the past week (details are in the weigh-ins thread). I know I can't expect losses like that every week but I am just thrilled with a loss, I feel so proud of myself. I feel lighter and happier even after just one week of eating better and exercising I can only imagine how I will feel when I get to my goal weight and I'm 61kg lighter.

I went shopping yesterday and bought myself a Wii Fit. I told myself that if I reached my weekly goal of a 0.5kg loss I would reward myself with it. I haven't opened it yet but I am going to do it soon, only problem is with such a big reward for such a small goal what can I do for 10kg loss reward...hehe, I'm thinking a new pair of jeans.

Anyways, I'm off to spend some time with the kiddies, might put some music on and dance around the lounge room like silly billy's for a while, gets the heart rate up and is so much fun, we usually do it to my 3 year olds Hi-5 music dvd, she loves it and my 8 month old laughs his head off at us.
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Re: A Journey

Postby GayleMarie » Tue Jun 23, 2009 7:36 pm

Wow congratulations on the 2 kilo's well done to you. You should be really proud of yourself, I feel proud of you & I dont even know you. I am glad you brought a Wii Fit, it is awesome, I get so much fun out of it, it was really worth my son's money he he he....(Well he brought it but lets me use it when ever I want)
& with that, & walking, & dancing around the lounge with my little girls, I have lost 3 kilo's in 3 weeks & I am really happy with that also. Here we go funstopper we are on our way to being raving beauties LOL, before we know it, we will be size 12's wondering how we let ourselves get that big back then LOL (can't wait) I dont even mind if I get to only being a size 14, it's way better then what I am now.
Keep going
stay focused,
see the big picture by drawing little goals along the way

Luv Gayle x x x
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Re: A Journey

Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Thu Jun 25, 2009 8:43 pm

Well done! 2 kg is a great effort, keep it up! You'll probably find the weight loss rate slows a little after the first few weeks - a good rate is around 1kg per week, but the first few tends to be a little higher.
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15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

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Re: A Journey

Postby funstopper » Thu Jun 25, 2009 11:21 pm

Thanks Gayle and BD, I expect the weight loss to slow to 0.5-1kg a week, but two kilos was a great kick start, good for the motivation. I want to do this the right way, slowly does it so that the weight stays off for good, changing bad habits along the way and making a bunch of new good habits.

GM - I'd be happy with a size 16, but 12 would be my ultimate goal and as I am relatively short it would be about the right size for my height. Hope you are going well and the weight is still coming off.

I've been using the Wii Fit since I got it, bit difficult to get used to and hard to find time to do it without my 3yo constantly nagging me for her turn (hubby is going to knock up a mock fit board on the weekend for her then we can do it together)

Anyways, time for bed now. Tomorrow I am going for a big walk before playgroup with the kids, so long as the rain holds off and the fog lifts, we've had some really really heavy fogs in the mornings lately.

My motto for this week is - just keep moving
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Re: A Journey

Postby Amethyst » Fri Jun 26, 2009 10:44 am

Haha. Young one's always want in on the action.

Welcome and good luck
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