I have decided today is the day to start a journey, not a short walk or small trip but a life long journey and I would like to make some friends along the way.
Ok, so what kind of journey I hear you ask, well...obviously it involves weight loss, but its more than that. You see, I am a 31 year old woman who has lost myself in the world that is my life. It is hard to explain really but the easiest way to put is that the last time I really remember feeling like me was when I was 25. At 25 I had the world at my feet, I had settled into my career as a Quality Assurance Manager in a large and reputable company, I had finally met a man that I adored and he adored me and I was settled in a town that I really loved. I had it all.
Over the next few years I was so happy, my life was just what I wanted, there was only one problem...my weight started to creep up and up, only slowly but it was on the up. Then at the age of 28 and after being with my loved one for 3 years we decided to try for a baby, it didn't take much trying and we were to expect our bundle of joy in June 2006. The pregnancy went by without too many hiccups but I put on even more weight, then our daughter was born, it was the most amazing experience and she was just so precious. We were a family and we were so happy.
Over the first 12 months of her life, I was dedicated to her, I wanted to do everything I could to give her the best start in this world, then when she was 11 months I had to make the tough decision whether to return to work or not. I returned to work, mostly because of the financial gains for my family. However, the busy life of work, which regularly was a 60 hour week and being the best mother and partner that I could was not good for my health, I was constantly under pressure both at work and at home (although pressure at home was only the pressure I put on myself to be some kind of superwoman) and the stress was getting to me, in order to cope I started emotional eating. Slowly but surely I was loosing sight of who I was and I was becoming some kind of robot that just kept eating more and more in order to cope with my hectic life.
Then in January 2008 I fell pregnant again, it wasn't exactly unplanned just not expected to happen so soon. At the beginning of my pregnancy I weighed in at 118kg, I knew it was going to be a rough road ahead of me, but with a bit more emotional eating, I managed, but by the end of my pregnancy I was 142kg. I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy in October 2008 and I was so happy, our family was complete. However, the birth was complicated and I did not come out of it unscathed, I suffered severely high blood pressure problems immediately after the birth and still do to this day and to top it all off I now suffer mild depression. After the birth things were tough, he was a very unsettled little bubba and it took us quite a few months to get settled and really bond however, during that time I coped by eating. Then 6 months later it was time to return to work, I arranged a day to return with the CEO and was to return to my high pressure position of QA Manager within the same company, then two days before that day the company announced it was closing the factory in which I worked and we were all to be made redundant. I was devastated, after all, the factory was in a small town and there were not many other opportunities for work within the immediate area. That was when my emotional eating really got out of control.
My partner and I decided that I would become a stay at home mummy with our two beautiful children but I found this hard to cope with as other than my two stints of maternity leave, I had always worked, and although it was a high pressure high stress job, I loved it. But the more I ate then better I would feel, sounds crazy but it was working I was starting to feel better. I have now been at home, emotionally eating for 3 and a half months, I have no idea what I weigh as the scales in our bathroom only go to 100kg. I have seen the district health nurse where we live and although I got on the scales I was too scared to hear what they read, I begged her not to tell me. She said if I come back in a week or so, when I am feeling better within myself she will tell me then.
So thats how I landed here, I have thought alot about it today since leaving the nurses office and I am ready to start this journey, I know its going to be long and hard and I know there will be some hiccups along the way but I am ready. My first goal is to build my confidence so I can go to the nurse next week and find out what that number is, I am prepared for the fact that it is going to be high and I am certain that I fall in the morbidly obese range but I know the first step is to face that number, to look at it and acknowledge it, if I can't do that then I am sure that my journey will be short lived. I am hoping by joining this forum I will meet some people that are willing to share my journey and can offer me some help, advice and support and also help keep me motivated, after all I have tried losing weight in the past and I start out all gung-ho but soon loose the motivation to keep going. This time it must be different, for me, my much loved partner and my kids. I want to be able to play with them and not just sit on the sidelines and watch cos I don't have the energy or I'm too big to get on the playground with them.
I desperately need to find myself inside this body that has grown so big it is hiding the person I was and still am on the inside, I want the outside to reflect what's on the inside...or at least what used to be there, I hope it is still there. So please join me in my journey of self discovery, enlightenment and weight loss, any advice, tips and suggestions to help me along the way will be greatly appreciated, as would a friendship or too along the way.
Thanks for listening
Funstopper (thats what my kids and partner call me...cause when they are up to no good (aka fun) I stop them)
FunStopperPerseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did