I've finally decided I need some support. I've looked to online forums in the past, and found them to be wonderful safe havens for people in similar circumstances. I hope that this community will be the same
I have a long history on the weight roller coaster. I was always a 'big girl' growing up, getting up to about 80kg. I've always been an over eater - so I suppose that was eating disorder number 1.
Then when I hit university I developed bulimia nervosa. My weight went up even further and then dipped. I plummeted down to around 50-55kg. I am approximately 5foot seven, so that was probably a bit low for my height. That was eating disorder number 2.
I then developed anorexia nervosa, and got down to about 44kg. I was virtually dead, by that point. Riven by depression, suicidal tendencies, in a bad relationship, and needing hospital. Eating disorder number 3.
Now I am back to 76kg. Back to being fat, and continuing my life of being unhealthy and unhappy. I now both overeat and purge. I am sick of being beholden to food. I need this all to stop. I need to lose at least 15kg in a healthy way. But I don't know how. I'm obviously not particularly competent at the whole 'wellness' thing.
So that's a very logical, dispassionate account of my weight history. It obviously doesn't acknowledge the pathology - the psychological distress... but I am sure you all know about that. We all do. And even when I hopefully lose this extra weight I will remain, as I have always remained - even at 44kg and deaths door - 'a fat girl'.
I look forwards to getting to know you all