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It's just getting harder...

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It's just getting harder...

Postby kararose » Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:19 pm

I'm smart. I study at uni, read loads and know almost everything there is to know about the biology & psychology behind weightloss. I don't study the science (I'm an English major), I just obsess over it.

I started gaining weight in the 4th grade. I remember being a complete outcast and turning to lollies and MacDonalds to satiate my needs.I was never clinically diagnosed, but I'm sure I suffered from some form of depression at a very young age, spurned by being a little socially inept (OK, very). Sugar was my way out. By the time I reached the 6th grade I weighed 65 kilos, and that would be the last time I'd see that number on the scale until a few years ago.

In highschool my vice was Coca-cola and afternoon binges. I'd starve myself all day and scoff when I got home. When I left school I began eating breakfast, I quit coca-cola, I gained better (well at least less cruel) friends and dropped 20 kilos. I went from 86 kgs down to 65.

Back then my goal weight was 65kgs, but although this was a healthy weight, I realised when I was down there it wasn't the size I wanted to be. I tried losing more but it seemed impossible, and then I started gaining again which scared the hell out of me.

For a long time I hovered between 65 and 70, usually resting at 68. And for a long time this was OK. I was OK with it, not happy, but OK. I'm 25 now, and for 7 years I've been dealing with OK.

At 5'9" my body is pudgy. What people might call skinny fat. I have very little muscle. I'm also very pear shaped so I look quite thin up top, but sport big thighs and big calves. My entire career is based around sitting at my computer writing, or else reading. All up I'm kind of just sick of my fatty body and my lazy lifestyle.

I'm not sure what triggered my initial weight loss any more. I can't imagine how I ever even got to 86. I just remember being utterly horrified and changing my habits. I don't really use scales anymore. They made me obsessive about everything, and I figured I should distance myself from that. (There was a brief stint of starvation which I am not proud of, and never want to return to again). I'm fairly certain that I'm at 70-71 at the moment, though. But it should be mentioned that it is that time of month.

I need some help. I'm not sure where to go or what to do, but I very much want to feel better about the way I look. My lack of self-esteem is effecting so many things in my life. I know I'm not obese, I'm very realistic about the way I look. But I also feel so unhealthy. I don't drink enough water, I don't do enough exercise and I have a serious addiction to jam on toast (not even kidding). This isn't really about numbers on a scale or on a tag, it's just about being proud of myself and my looks.

I would love to have people to talk to who can relate, who can offer advice and help motivate me. I hope this is a place I can find them.
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Re: It's just getting harder...

Postby CronicBadger » Sun Oct 30, 2011 4:33 pm

Hello Kararose

You've come to the right place! The main website attached to the forum has a wealth of information related to weight-loss, fitness and health. The forum itself is great for maintaining focus and gleaning little gems of information and insight.

Mmm, jam and butter on a thick slab of toast - I had to stop regularly making toast with various spreads like that a year or so ago. It may help to remind yourself that that sort of meal is of little nutritional value and is not really needed. If you must have toast ensure it's wholemeal and load it with mashed up boiled vegetables (broccoli, asparagus, beans, etc). That way it seems less of a snack and more of a meal (as long as it IS part of your meal).
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Re: It's just getting harder...

Postby ryanphillips » Wed Nov 02, 2011 10:57 am

Bro I just read your post and I feel for you man.

I feel for you because although I wasn't as heavy as you I wasn't happy with my body and it affected my self confidence, with my girlfriend and in front of my guy friends when getting changed or just simply wearing clothes that i thought i looked "fat" in.

There is definitely light at the end of the tunnel my friend, I was shown the way by my friend who lost 4 stone in 4 months and has completely changed his life. I took inspiration from him and i lost 17Lb 3.6% body fat and over 8 inches in 25 days! Now i'm sharing what I have done and my friends are benefiting too :)

If you have any questions just ask and you will find the answers on this forum.

Good luck :)
Last edited by CronicBadger on Wed Nov 02, 2011 12:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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