new girl trying to get to the bottom of it all

[Blitz]

Isn't it interesting how our taste buds have changed? In the bad old days that Tim tam would have been the bee's knees. Your cream bun obsession reminded me of mine. I too was lured by it, to combat it I decided to use it as one of my goal treats. Lose the next 10 kilos and it was earnt and mine. Lost the 10 kilos and got the bun. Didn't enjoy it very much. Tasted a lot more sugary and fatty then I remembered it. Obsession with cream buns now well and truly buried.

Your local show choices were sound. Halve the problem and walk the treat off. Good work.

You've got to find another way to deal with stress rather than oral therapy. When I get stressed or bored (which is my major trigger) I go for a walk or run. Find a replacement behaviour that will work in your life style. Chew sugarless gum or take up juggling...anything; just so long it works for you.

Careful on the snackage. This is calorie bracket creep that can undo all your good work. Be disciplined and keep your snacks for your snack breaks were it will do you the most good. Try apples for snacks...they have more bulk and make you feel fuller. Oranges have strong flavour and may help you with taste wonder lust, they too will fill you up. Drinking lots of water as you have been is really wise. It will reduce your hunger.

You are getting there. Importantly you are making wise choices and getting your lifestyle right. This will pay off in your future.

Best wishes
Kim

Regards
Kim

[feebeejay]

Hi Kim, yes snacks are a bit of a trick aren't they?? And so easy to blow out on. I've been trying to really keep it on track since the other day, and managing ok. Today I had a work seminar to attend, morning tea, lunch and afternoon tea included. I imagined it would be a challenge and I was right, but I think I did ok. I stayed away from all the fruit juice, and only drank my water, i also chose to swap the thick shortbread biscuit with my box of snack sultanas for afternoon tea. Lunch was 2 small baguettes with a tiny portion of ham and salad ... Morning tea though was scones and jam and cream ... I did eat the scone and jam, but didn't have the cream. It was so yummy, and I incorporated it into my calorie count for the day, and figured whilst I could have chosen not to have it, I adjusted the rest of my daily calories so it all fitted in, so I'm ok with my choice, but I'm also choosing to make healthy choices for the next few days. Tomorrow is the Hobart Christmas pageant so we have an early start, I've organized our entry for my work, and there won't be time to eat naughty things! The plan is to put our sparkle on and spread the Christmas message of joy and hope, plus lots of walking a bonus incidental exercise!! May the joy of the Christmas spirit be with everyone who reads this!!
Cheers
Fee

[Blitz]

You managed the seminar well. Made a few substitutions so you wouldn't feel deprived and took some of the healthier options (jam only - natural sugars = good). Great job.

Christmas does get busy and sometimes the Christmas spirit is crushed out of me if I'm not careful. I really make a effort to prevent it from happening. Nothing worse than a jaded Santa or magician going "humbug" instead of providing cheer.

Walk those pounds off as you spread that cheer!

Kim

[feebeejay]

Feeling a bit weird today ... Scales say I've lost 7.4kg, which is really great, but I feel so skeptical, and wonder is this real? My clothes are looser and I'm noticing minor changes, but I've been here before and always slipped back to the weight I was before. Today we had visitors, and for afternoon tea, we served up a huge plate of strawberries, some fruit bites and a plate of chockie biscuits. The biscuits were a temptation to me, but not a craving if that makes sense. I was happy to have the straawberries and fruity bites. but there's this little voice inside me that is somehow not believing what I'm doing ... I'm wondering if part of that is about my scepticism or is it some form of self sabotage? It's sort of like I don't believe that my loss is going to be something to be proud of and trust until I've lost 20kg, but I wonder if because I don't trust it, is it somehow sabotaging what I've already done, and discounting it as unimportant, just in case I slip back?? Are these sort of feelings normal or is it just me? I am really pleased I've lost weight, but the reality s that I have done it before, and slipped, so why would I get excited about it? I've ordered a couple of new tops on eBay, and one arrived the other day. It's more fitted than I would normally wear, but looks ok (with the appropriate foundation garments ... Lol) but maybe I'm not quite ready to wear it just yet ... I've always worn loose clothing and in my mind I imagine continuing to wear loose clothes and then one day when I've lost heaps of weight, having the big reveal moment ... And then the cynicism kicks in, and I think I probably won't ever make it to the ultimate goal of being in the 'normal' weight range for my height of 156cm, which is somewhere between 48 & 60kg, which means a loss of at least 60kg, and so overwhelmingly unreal it's hard to comprehend. I'm only setting mini goals of 10kg at a time, so clearly it's going to take a while to reach the ultimate goal ... Sub goals along the way are 100kg; 80kg an d then if I ever reach 60kg it woukd be a miracle, i just have to keep the ball in the air so to speak. I really am torn though, because I've clearly been making healthier choices, but from my choices today of the fruit over the Choc biscuit, I wonder if that will stick, will I feel like I've lost 'x' amount of weight, therefore I deserve the treat?
Sorry, I'm feeling a bit confused today, and a little bit scared. I don't want to slip back, I want to keep at it and keep making good choices, I don't want to get used to feeling good about myself and then just sabotage it like I've done so many times in the past ... I feel like I'm on the edge of the cliff and I need to take the leap of faith, and just not brave enough to do it, even though I've done the work to reach the top of the cliff ... Does that make sense to anyone?? Maybe believing in myself is a deeper issue that I need to explore ... Hmm, I guess I'll ponder that theory for a while and see if I come up with any solutions or ground breaking answers ... I'll keep you posted re progress !! In the mean time, I'll try to follow dr Phil's advice to fake it until I make it ... If I eat like I'm 60kg then maybe one day I will actually get there ... Thanks for listening to my confused ramblings, today I made good choices, but it all of a sudden seems more difficult...
Cheers, fee

[Blitz]

Let me help you with that leap of faith on the cliff by giving you a little push over.

Be proud of what you have achieved. There is nothing magical about reaching any number. You can be pleased with yourself now and you don't need to wait until the 20kg mark. However do keep perspective on your journey. When asked about my weight loss I would say something like, "I've lost 7.4kg but I still have 79.4kg to lose and then keep it all off for the rest of my life." Proud of my achievement but keeping my goal before me so I wouldn't get complacent.

The key question I think for you is, what makes this time different from the other times? Maybe your nervousness is because you know deep down this battle is the one that really counts. You are really committed to change in your lifestyle. You are not playing games any more, this time it's for real. No more rollercoaster rides.

60kg does look like a big number but that is why you have the mini goals so it doesn't scare you away. Ignorance is bliss. When I started on my weight loss journey I had no idea the 87kg I had decided to lose was such a big number. So I wasn't hung up on the largeness of my number. It was only watching the Biggest Loser or reading Weight Watcher magazine articles that I discovered that my number was bigger than most of their goal numbers. The bottom line is this; if you do the basics right, keep grinding it out, you will reach your final goal no matter what that number is.

Keep buying tighter clothes. They will challenge you to keep going. They say I believe enough in myself to buy the next size down. One day Target had a sale on old stock T-shirts. They had a stack of Bowie T-shirts (huge fan...but enough of my obsessions) in small and medium sizes going out for $2 to $5 each. Bought every different design of each size. At the time I could only just get into extra large (which was better than the XXX large I use to have to buy). Every month or so I'd try these T-shirts on. Finally one day the mediums would fit (yeah they were tight...but I wore them nevertheless). When they got baggy...I had the smalls to go to. They were great carrots on my journey. Now I shop for tight clothes!

Have faith in yourself. It won't happen overnight - but it will happen...because this time it is different. You do mean business. It just isn't a pie in the sky wish because you are committed to the journey and the goal.

You can do it!
Kim

[feebeejay]

Thanks Kim for your encouragement, it really helps. I guess you've said the word that I was skirting around, and that is complacent ... That's where I've fallen before, hey, I've lost 20kg, so I deserve that cream bun or two ... Aren't I great for losing 20kg, look at me eat this bag of chips, and hey, ive lost 20kg, so why not eat the whole bar of chocolate!!! It does feel different this time, but I can remember saying that before too, and that's what is making me scared. Although you are right, this time I really have acknowledged that it's a forever plan, not just a 'once I lose 20kg' plan. I think the last time I was just so pleased with myself that I got to the 20kg mark, I just decided I was brilliant and gave it all up, and forgot what I'd learned, not believing that I could put that weight back on. But now I know different, and that's the feeling that I'm afraid of ... But if I'm realistic about it, it's all up to me, and it's all about my choices, I can only put it all back on if I choose to eat rubbish and go back on what I've learned. Intellectually I know that it's a slow race and one that takes one step at a time, and that hopefully in twelve months time, I'll be way further into the journey of reaching my ultimate goal. Something that makes it different this time, is that since the time I lost 20kg, I married my wonderful adorable husband who is so supportive of me, no matter what my size, well apart from offering me the occasional Tim tam ... And he wants me to reach my goals and be happy with myself, so that's the major thing that has changed, and I also have now settled a bit and feel like I can give myself permission to eat differently than the rest of my family, or prepare healthier meals for them too ... But it's still a daily challenge as you are aware, I struggle sometimes when I'm stressed (work is crazy right now!!!) so that's also another reason why i might be panicking a little ... I'm still doing it right, I'm worrying just in case I guess ... My boss sometimes tells me that I'm good at spinning on the spot, maybe that's what I'm doing now, and I just need to chill!!! Anyway, I really should get back to work, but thanks again for the encouragement, I'll just see how I go .. You'll be sure to hear about it!!
Cheers
Fee

[Blitz]

I think I fear complacency. It is what drives me to keep myself below 70kg mark. I feel that if I cross that line I'll end up losing control and slide back to obesity. It takes less effort to maintain and I don't want to be one of those people who's lives are a rollercoaster of weight loss and gain.

I have never tried to lose weight before this adventure because I knew that I couldn't just play at losing weight. Either I was going to do it for keeps or I wasn't going to do it at all. No middle ground for me.

They say that if you can keep the weight off for a year that you're past the danger zone. I've put a lot of solace in this as I march to my first year (24th February 2013). Lately however I've read in a number of places of people "fallening off the wagon" after three years. Looks like we are never safe. As someone once said, "Out of the forest, but not out of the woods".

The fact that we worry about complacency means that we are not complacent. Guess it's about taking life one day at a time and leaving tomorrow's battles for tomorrow.

Kim

[feebeejay]

Just a quick one tonight, but had to share ... 8kg in 8 weeks!!!!! Happy smiley face ... Only 2kg to go till first mini goal, and looking like 2 weeks ahead of goal ... Woohoo!!!

[Blitz]

Good steady losses. That's the way to go. Excellent result...go get that mini goal!

Kim

[feebeejay]

What a crazy week, work so so busy, and a 3 day conference I've had no time to check in to the forum ... But feel I need to post or else I'll get complacent about it and lose my connection ...
Ok, so started the week with a 3 day conference that was so hectic I still don't think I'm over it ... Stuffed my hip from sitting on dodgy chairs for 3 days and had to use a walking stick for the rest of the week ... Was really good on day one of the conference, chose not to eat the yummy morning tea cakes ... Went for the fruit platter .. But succumbed to the lure of the lamination in the afternoon ... But only ate the inside of the cake, can you believe that? Seagulls were happy with the Choc icing!! . Day two was a disaster, only selection on offer was savory scones for morn tea and fish type stuff for lunch, so ended up having a couple of small plain rolls and butter ... Haven't had butter for AGES but thought it would be ok ... Again stayed away from naughty cakes in the afternoon, but had noodles for dinner, lots or carbs at night don't do good things for the scales the next day!!! The last day of the conference I took stuff with me in case I didn't like the lunch time selection, but lunch was really rather nice, and although I had a taste of everything, I don't think I did too bad, but went over my total cals for the day, a.ouple of hundred cals and yes had a Biscuit in the afternoon. I think the day before I'd over compensated my unhappiness at only having fish options that I ate twisties, which was not a good thing. I drank lots of water to compensate and on Thursday the scales said I'd put on almost 1kg overnight ... Its Back to something well sort of reasonable now, but I'm taking responsibility for not doing the right thing over the past week or so, and thats where it shows up I guess.

Good news though, is that I've just spend 2 days wandering the local Target being Santas elf, which has burned more calories than. I would have if I hadn't have been santas elf, so I have been too worried about what I've eaten today and yesterday, because it will have been a deficit anyway. I started getting excited though this afternoon I tried on a jacket I've had in the cupboard for a while, and even though it hadn't fitted for some time, when I put it on today it fits and does up and is quite ok ... So I started getting excited about the next phase, even though I haven't quite made it through this phase yet. The thing that is motivating me this time is my bmi ... When I started, I'm ashamed to say, it was 49.3 ... Now it's down to 45.8, and I'm aiming for under 40, which will be about 97kg... So a little way off yet, but something to work toward... Gives it a slightly different focus when you look at how little the BMI moves even though you feel like you've done a brilliant job. Just have to work harder ... I can't help thinking about those people I saw in Dr Oz that day who had had lap band surgery and they were literally only having 5 teaspoons full of food for each meal ... How can that be healthy ??? I know it might take me longer, but at least this way I'm keeping it in perspective for me and can enjoy the new things that I love so much that are better for me (like corn) than some previous choices ... I think once I reach my initial 10kg, I'm going to start a new thread in my progress or something, I can have myself a nice little graduation ceremony or something, with sparkling water and lemon, with a side of corn (no butter of course!) ... Till next time (1.4kg to go till first mini goal)
cheers, fee

[Blitz]

I read a book by a lady who had went the way of lap banding. What a nightmare her journey seemed. You do the operation and then you still have to learn to eat properly with the added burden that if you get it wrong your body punishes you big time. Then there is the adjusting of the band to get the balance right and you also have to have supplements to keep your body healthy. The worst bit is that you've paid a fortune for the pain and suffering! It's easier just to do it properly in the first place.

I know someone who had it done. She did lose a good amount of weight but two of her co-workers had it done without success. She feels that she "cheated" to get her weight loss. We lost weight about the same time. I did it with a lot less trouble and a great deal cheaper than she did. People think that it is a cure all, but it's anything but that.

When I started losing weight my BMI was 54.7! The day I got it down to the ideal BMI of 25 certainly was a red letter day. It's a slow number to watch go down but it is an important number for our health.

Keep working those Santa elf's shoes off and lay off those bad snacks!
Kim

[feebeejay]

Hey Kim,
Thanks for sharing your BMI story ... It gives me huge encouragement that one day I CAN be normal. It's really weird, that even though I know I've lost weight, and clothes are looser, i know I've got a long way to go ... And yep will tackle it one day at a time. Today has been ultra crazy at work, even worse than last week, and didn't really snack today at all, was too busy ... So that's not good either ... Didn't even reach my calorie quota today ... Maybe that will bode well for Wednesday's weigh in! Guess if I'm good and stay away from bad snacks its just gotta have an impact! Someone brought cake to work today, and I really wanted to just taste it, but it looked a bit dry, and I was sitting in my meeting trying to imagine what just a small square would taste like ... I only wanted a bite sized piece, but I didn't in the end, and it didn't really bother me too much, but it was a cake that wasn't overwhelmingly appealing, I'm sure it tasted nice, well it did in my imagination, but I just wasn't really serious about actually eating it! I wonder does that say something about me, or the cake ... The cake I think ... I don't think I can trust myself yet!!! Maybe I can work on developing my imagination a bit more and next time I can have a whole imaginary piece!!!
Anyway, it's been a long day, another one tomorrow no doubt...
Cheers, fee

[Blitz]

It's the dwelling on it that will get you in the end. When it happens I try to dismiss it from my mind as quick as possible. Self talk like "not for you fat boy", "Yeah - that's going to help you - NOT!" and "It never tastes as good as it promises so don't undo all your good work." Dwell on it and you'll end up doing a poor man's imitation of Homer Simpsom; "Mmmmm....foood!".

Imagine rather that it tastes too fatty and sugary...and that is the truth.

Work elf work
Kim

[feebeejay]

What a crazy week it's been, working way long hours at my regular day job, and then being santas helper in the weekends, I've dropped the ball a little, I put on a little less than a kilo because I gave myself permission to eat more because I was being more active, but obviously I got the balance a little wrong. I think I'm still on track to reaching my goal by Christmas day, I think I got a bit cocky too ... I've done that before ... And because my app was telling me I could eat more than I had been planning, I figured it didn't matter too much if I ate a bit more than planned, but for the week I was working double hours, it got a bit out of control, and then we went out for dinner one night ... As we did last night, and whilst I really enjoyed myself, I know that there is a trade off and today I had to really stick to my calorie count to make up for last nights splurge... I've less than 2 weeks to reach my goal, with according to my scales, a little over 2kg to go, but I have a feeling that some of that is water weight and am hoping that it might be a better number tomorrow ... But if it isn't, and there's a chance of that, the I really need to give myself a good talking to and get back on track. I bought a book the other day that has some good tips in there, about planning ahead ... usually i plan brekky and lunch, and then dinner depends on what snacks i might have had during the day ... I think I need to have a bit more structure for a while so I can reach my goal by the date I planned!!! And then of course I will start on the next 10kg!!!! Ahhh, it will be a long road I think, but I am starting to think a little differently and make better choices, so I think I am improving, even though evidence suggests it may be slower than originally planned ... Hey on the positive side, I'm at least 8kg in, so that s gotta be better than when I started all this, and I do feel better ... I even wore a skirt to my work Christmas dinner last night ... I never wear dresses or skirts, and I've worn both in the past week, that indeed is a miracle!!! Till next time, hope all is going well for everyone else.
Cheers and happy Christmas to everyone, fj

[Blitz]

It is a crazy time of the year but it doesn't excuse us any. Life is always going it get in the way of our plans so we have to plan for those things that can trip us up.

A person who is losing weight has a very unforgiving body. Give it an inch and it will take a kilo! Always err on the side of caution. There are no extras in a plan to lose weight (unless its extra exercise).

Your Christmas goal is still achievable but you'll have to work like a tiger to get it. Even if you don't remember that you have come a long way and the important thing is getting there not how long it took. This is a long journey we're on not a sprint.

Wishing you success and all the best
Kim