New girl taking on some accountability!

[Tams]

HI everyone

I've often 'lurked' and read people's updates and stories as inspiration, but now it is time to say hello and get accountable for MY goals.

I have some fairly involved medical conditions, and have just started weaning off a terribly restrictive medical diet. I still have more medical appointments before I can see my dietician again...and I am 'weaning' off the secondary medical diet myself, while still on the main medical diet.

It is really funny how a medical diet can change your brain - it has NOTHING to do with weightloss. In fact I lost 2 kilos only (and with a month off the diet, that 2 kgs is back!) It is all about 'safe' (Smiths plain salted crisps) and 'going to make me sick' (baby spinach - ironic no?!). The fear of being ill keeps you on it, but I have tentatively added back the baby spinach and didn't get sick, so YAY.

In fact, I think FEAR is my biggest motivator over my life to do anything regarding diet. So when it comes to weightloss, I have to either totally hate myself or have the fear of some occasion (like having to bear my midriff on stage - that was BIG fear!!) to motivate me.

I'm not sure now if it is fear that is making me say once again, that I need to lose some weight, or if it is a goal. I am a semi-professional dancer, and i have been out with injuries and illness for 3 years. Finally, I'm back...and about to enter a National comp in June. I NEED to work hard at it again! I've NEVER had a professional dress made before, or a personal choreographer and coach (always do it myself), so I really want to do it all justice. And that means I could lose a bit of weight...

The tricky part is that food is medical rather than traditional 'weight-loss' and weigh in and measurements are pretty non-true for me - my medical conditions can swell my belly to 8 months pregnant and add 3 kgs in 2 hours. It can last for days. Sometimes I despair that I am truely that fat. So I think my 'accountability' has to be measured in moderate food intake. Exercise is a given when I'm in training anyway.

I think my posts will be full of angst about why my weight is fluctuating! But over time, I'll hope to definitely see reduction. That dress is seriously little (for me anyway - others wear less, but I'm not blessed with that type of body), and seriously sexy!!

So at the moment the scales say I am 64kg. This morning it was 61.7kg. You get the picture, lol!

[Blitz]

Welcome from the shadows Tam!

I don't know where to begin in your post. You have raised so many different issues.

It is a common experience with ANY diet - medical or otherwise to regain weight and even to gain more weight. That is why I advocate lifestyle change as oppose to diets. Diets fail...a healthy lifestyle is there forever.

I am unclear what your medical condition is. Am I right to suggest that it is a eating disorder that perhaps has more to do with what's happening upstairs in the brain rather than downstairs in the gut? In any case; it is my belief that success in weight loss is totally dependent upon each one of us dealing with that space between the ears. Once that gets right then successful weight loss will follow.

You are not special...all of us can put on 3 kilos in 2 hours. This is natural. After we have eaten or drunk something it sits in our stomach for a while and then it is processed by the body. Some of it will be converted straight away and used to move our body. Some will be converted into stored energy - to be used in the short term. Some will be stored as fat to be used long term (unfortunately overweight people don't call on it so it is continually stored!). The rest of what isn't used will be expelled out of the body via your bowels and bladder. If you are weighing yourself several times in the one day you will develop a very distorted view of your weight. If you weigh yourself daily it is best to weigh yourself regularly at the same time and in the morning on a relatively empty stomach.

Didn't confuse "bulk" with "weight". By that I mean if you consume a litre of water, that weighs more than a chocolate bar...but the water is "bulk"...it has no calories. It is the chocolate bar that does the damage because it is loaded with calories. For a long time I didn't understand that calories and weight were not the same thing. The light only came on for me when I understood that a calorie is a unit of energy (actually a calorie as we count them is a thousand units of energy scientifically speaking).

If you are "bloated" it is usually a sign that the body is holding on to what it's got because the person isn't eating responsibly. My mother for example has been complaining about this for years. In the last 6 months she became worse and along with her mental condition she could no longer cope on her own. One of the first things that occurred when she got professional help was that she was put on a weight gaining diet (much to her complaint)...but it was interesting to see just how much her bloated stomach decreased (even though she was thrusting her stomach forward to emphasise it!...hurting her back doing it!). When I was growing up, bloated stomachs were very much the domain of starving Ethiopian children - something they certainly had no choice in.

The key thing for you to find is what is your ideal weight for your height. This will be a range of weights and I suggest that being about two thirds up on that scale is a health weight for you to aim at. As for the dress...if it is too small for your height and weight - then it will NEVER look good on you...no one likes a skeleton in a dress!

Hope this is helpful to you.
Kim

[Tams]

Hi Blitz, it's always wonderful to read your welcoming and encouraging words!

I have a few medical issues - none eating disorders - but the combination of them has the doctors exploring why I get a distended stomach, plus why I get migraines, and the two diets they put together (that the dietician said she doesn't like to do to people!) were like a Venn diagram - that small middle area of the two circles intersecting was all I was allowed to eat. It basically cut out all fruit except 1 banana a day, and only left 6 veges, no grains except a specific type of spelt and a specific type of rice, and meat that had to be within 1 week of the kill. Nothing from packets, jars, etc, all cooked from scratch, no leftovers over 24hrs. Fortunately, they can do a test for lactose, so dairy (milk, and plain yogurt with no additives - no cheeses) were my saviour foods! Also no olive oil - only permitted BUTTER and CREAM! So funny. ALso no coffee, tea, herbal teas, herbs, spices or chocolate. And I agree with you - all diets have a die day...where you just have to eat what you weren't meant to!! Anyway, I have to go see my specialist and look into bacterial imbalances now. Hopefully oneday they will find the problem and a solution...I have had this for 6 years now, but the science is developing all the time, and I'm really fortunate to be in Melbourne where the world leaders in research into intolerances keep updating the research.

But onto the weightloss. Yes, need to think about a body that works well, because I have plenty of the 'binge' urges many of us deal with, plus that idea of 'treating yourself (to excess)' as a pleasurable way to relax - and those can do with some changes!

[Blitz]

Sometimes it is hard to figure out where someone is coming from just using their written words. This is why so much miscommunication happens on the net. A five minute conversation with you is all I need to figure out generally where you are coming from - after all that is what my day job is all about. So please pardon me if I jump to false conclusions. I hope the tests are helpful for you. It's the sort of thing my mother underwent for years - unfortunately little was accomplished for her.

Still a lot of what I wrote about weight vs bulk is valid and should be considered.

Also my last paragraph is something to investigate. What's your height and range of weight? What are your goals? Do you have a weight target? What are your plans and strategies for obtaining successful results. As it is said..."Those who don't plan - plan to fail!" What's the plan Tams?

Kim

[Tams]

Hey Blitz, there's nothing to pardon! I'm sure I would have thought similarly with just those words as info (beside, throw 'dancer' and 'weight' into a sentence and there's a pretty common thought pattern)

On to the plan. Moderate eating. I know I eat atypically for a dieter because of the medical stuff (full cream organic dairy for example), and I also don't strictly follow rules of 'no eating after x time' because I dance LATE - and if Im hungry when I get home, I have to eat to get through the night to avoid triggering a pain episode or a migraine. But we all have to know our bodies and get a regime that works best, even if not typically following the rules of weightloss! So for me, it is moderate eating both in terms of serving size, and in terms of food selection...it needs to be healthful, not empty calories.

I find it is very helpful to have everything planned out, one because I'm really busy with tight turnarounds (those days I have to have pre-cooked), and also because I know what I can legitimately eat when I start to get hungry - this past week post training or teaching dance, I've been 'reassured' in my mind (being hungry actually makes me anxious and scared, I think because of the association with pain episodes) that there's filling yummy food waiting for me...plain natural yoghurt, a cut up banana, 4-5 raspberries, and 1-2 tsp of drinking chocolate sprinkled over the top. YUM; it fills me up really well, I know it has heaps of goodness, and it also hits the naughty choc indulgence without triggering a chocolate binge.

So I guess both moderate eating and planning are in 'the plan'. And willpower...I have to really drive myself to get through my exercise, because if I don't fit it in, there's no wriggle room to do it later, and I have to really work the will power to avoid buying empty calorie snacks when I go shopping. Same as everyone I guess, but I have 'won' on all fronts this week. Oh, and while I think of it, I am putting into place one more principle - I try to have 3 days off as rest days because my body needs it (after 6 hrs dancing on Thursday alone, I'm just about crippled), but I need to not totally 'relax' the moderate eating approach on my relax days; I'll allow ONE indulgence, which will also help make 'date day' happen with hubby!

[Tams]

Oh, and you also asked about 'weight goals'. I'm 173cm, 'around' 63-64kg to be conservative (some days less), which is a BMI of 21.4 (healthy range). On paper, fine. In person, not fine! I can definitely afford to lose 2-4kg, so that will be the goal. Except mentally, the moderate eating plan will be the goal, because the scale readings take a while to even out and consistently show anything and that means numbers are too hard to have as the thing in my head.

Lol, I was just playing around with the BMI calculator...I could actually lose 9kg and still be in the healthy range! I don't think I'd feel very good though.

[Blitz]

Those BMI calculators are only a general guide so don't take them as gospel. All of the main formula charts (Miller, Robinson and Devine) have you spot on at 63 - 64kg. The latest scientific research suggest that even these weights are actually lower than what they should be. Also as a dancer I suspect that you carry more muscle than the average person and therefore should weigh more than the average person (because muscle weighs more than fat).

Looks can be very deceiving - the mind can fool itself very easily (I know - that's what my job is all about). Empirical evidence is more reliable. Don't fall into the mind trap...it is a no win situation.

Kim

[Tams]

I hear you Blitz! I actually use mind-games in reverse when I perform, to persuade myself I'm HOT!!

But I don't think I'm seeing myself falsely (at the moment...I get that it can easily sneak up on you). I have a very honest husband, so I know with the unsolicited comments/nicknames I get, just how I'm really doing. 'Kampuchean' did happen once (when we first met - but that's partly because I was poor, and saving money by limiting food), if I'm 'looking very slim and nice' then that's fine, and on the other spectrum 'gotta stop eating yummy things', or 'chumbas' (as he grabs the love handles)...well, that's a wake-up call!

[Blitz]

You must have a very rare gem of a husband there! I don't think I know many guys who would answer honestly to a vexed question like; "So how do I look in this dress?"...centuries of experience has taught us guys to lower our heads, not make eye contact and get the heck out of there before it gets ugly!

When I talk about "fooling the mind" I'm not talking about mind games (the stuff we tell ourselves to make things ok). I'm actually about the mind deceiving the person. It is an adage in magic that the smarter the person is - the easier they are to fool. This isn't a reflection on a person's intelligence. Just that the more sophisticated a person's thinking is...the easier it is to bend it. That's why I enjoy working for a room full of engineers, doctors or lawyers...you can really mess with their perception of reality.

The mind is an amazing thing. When I was a teenager our tv set's picture tube slowly went. The square picture over the weeks got squatter until it looked like a modern letterbox picture. It finally gave out and we had it repaired. Suddenly the figures on the screen looked all stretched out like they had been painted by El Greco. It took a while for our perception to re-adjust. I also found that the life drawings that I had done at art school at that time had also mirrored the squat view I had developed and took quite a time to re-adjust.

On this Forum elsewhere I have written how views of my weight have changed during various times of my journey - not just myself but also close family and friends too. For example; the same photos of me from the past have been viewed with incredibly different ways by the same people!

Kim

[Tams]

Yes, I do remember reading your stories - and other peoples - of how they saw themselves, and how others saw them. Perception is really tricky. I studied it very briefly when I was doing a post-grad in Health Promotion. It is quite amazing how women in particular see their bodies, but body dismorphia is also growing amongst men. It's all 'what you get used to' isn't it? The predominant images around us feed us, and we see 'norms' from that. I also notice the phenomenon when I meet up with friends or relatives who I haven't seen for some years - the ageing process can be seen starkly with that span of years, and with the last 'pic' of the person in your head from that space of time...in contrast, your own face is something you don't see as ageing so starkly, as you see it everyday!

You must have a fine time messing with peoples minds! I can just feel your enjoyment!

And yes, I do have a unique husband. My father was the same, so I have been well trained to appreciate honesty and meekly accept it! In fact, my hubby was the person who helped pick out my wedding dress - he had no compunctions about cutting through the 'oohs and aahs' of the sales people to announce that the dress did this or that (one notable one was the dress that 'made my bum flat!') You can absolutely trust people like that - and he advised on a killer wedding dress! (Although I make sure not to ask questions if I DON'T want an honest answer )

[Blitz]

I mess with people's minds for entertainment purposes only!

Interestingly, I spent half my time bending people's reality and the other half trying to get them to truly see reality!
I guess this is a balanced life...of sorts!

As a dancer, how fit are you? Are you carrying extra muscle?...and have you factored that in the scheme of things?

Kim

[Tams]

Apparently not all that fit - I'm struggling to get through 35mins of running my routine now that it's to speed! Gasping like a fish, red like a beetroot, sweating like a monsoon!! But I'll get there. It IS super fast (makes my coach gasp and exclaim), so it's like consecutively doing sprints and jumps for 1.5mins, then doing it again and again...It's a mental feat of strength to make myself train for a measley 35mins, but that's all I can do at the moment. I also do 1.5hrs weights/pilates/stretch (4xweek), and my own teaching, so I'm regularly knackered. I am putting on more muscle with this routine - my massage therapist commented on the extra on my legs.

But I should have muscles. And they should be visible - not covered in fat (and I should wobble only in the parts females should wobble in!). So visually, and on the 'grab-o-metre', there's sheddage to be shed. It's another reason I can't base progress mainly on the figures.

[Blitz]

Sounds like your goal shouldn't be about losing weight but rather toning...getting "muscled" - that will reduce "wobble" and give you fitness. You may end up weighing the same (or even a bit more) but you will look healthier and trimmer. Think in terms of strength training rather than just aerobic - doing your weights is a step in the right direction.

Kim

[Tams]

I'm afraid it is definitely fat-loss I'm needing...even through the years of illness and injury, I kept up with 3-5xweek weights/pilates/stretch sessions (modified for the injured part). I have musckles, some of them are just covered up! (Afterall, we ALL have a 6-pack -but only some of us have 'insufficient' body fat to cover them over). I think it's a case, as someone else said on the forum, that 'you can't out-train a bad diet', so my efforts have to go into that moderate size and nutrient rich approach. I'm going to start a personal progress thread, seeing as I'm at the 1 week mark...see you over there!