I'm 28 and currently 84ishkgs, the heaviest I've ever been. I'm 5'3 and was a healthy 61kg about four years ago. It took me about 18 months to get down to that from an original 74kg so I know it's possible and I desperately want to be back there. Four years ago I moved to Melb (inner-west in case anyone's nearby), left my personal trainer, started spending a lot more time at home and managed to put on 25kg. There is a huge (no pun intended) difference between the 61 and 84kg me. I have pictures to prove it!
My diet isn't too bad in terms of making sure I get a variety of good foods, but then I pile a huge amount of junk food on top. I'll eat when I'm sad, happy, bored... I'm just addicted to putting food in my mouth. I can't even try and stop myself because I completely forget at the time that I shouldn't/don't want to be eating, I can only focus on having that food. And then I remember afterwards and feel angry and guilty. I hate that when I go clothes shopping I find myself in a bigger size section every time, I hate dreading Summer because it means less clothes to cover myself with and I hate not wanting my partner to see me naked. I don't like to go out and meet new people because I hate how I look, so I stay home and eat and just get fatter! I think it would be pretty hard to get down to the 50s so I'm setting my goal at 60kg. I feel like that is the "right" weight for me. I work in health and on top of appearances, I know how bad the extra fat is for my organs, so I just want to be healthy and feel comfortable in my skin again.
I've tried to cut out junk food a few times over the last couple of years, and/or start up exercise programs but I never stick to them. For the first time ever, I started a 'diet' just over two weeks ago. I was always against diets, as I know it's better to adjust your eating habits to be sustainable. But I put this one in inverted commas because it's my version of a diet, which doesn't really cut out any foods but has an 'aim' of staying under 1200 calories a day. Again that's not a super low calorie limit and the 'aim' is flexible, haha! So it's not really a diet. But don't tell my brain because I've found that putting myself in the mindset of 'being on a diet' has actually made it much easier to stay away from the bad foods or keep them to an absolute minimum. I know there's some debate over whether you can have an addiction to food but I do know from the last time I lost weight, that the longer you go without, the easier it gets. And the fact that I have lost almost 2kgs over the last couple of weeks without introducing exercise yet, gives me the motivation that my 'diet' is working. I didn't think I would be pleased with small numbers but it's surprising how much better it feels to think there's only just under 24kgs to go instead of just under 26.
I can tell the support here is great and I hope this forum will keep me accountable and maybe connect me with others in a similar position. Your stories are so inspiring, some of you have come a long way and are doing much better jobs than me of eating well. I hope I can use these as a kick up the butt when I need it.
Lovely to meet you all and thanks for reading.
R
