Hi and welcome to the forum. First of all, congrats on losing all that weight AND keeping it off for 12 years. Good on you. If you've lost that much weight in the past, you should be able to do it again -- and it seems like you are with a 4kg loss chalked up already. Great effort
I'm so sorry to hear about your awful situation. Don't be so hard on yourself. If in 12 years, that's what got you off the rails then it's perfectly understandable. You've been dealing with some pretty big issues.
I hope you can find some support, ecouragement and motivation here.
Just keep moving! And don't be lazy...
SW: 74.3kg - 1/1/09
CW: 71.1kg - 3/5/09