Hi there yogi bear - one of the things I quickly learnt when I started my weightloss journey is that my lack of portion control is what lead to me putting on weight. I am a fit and active person (always have been) but in recent years, the weight has crept on and stayed on, regardless of how much exercise I do!
I bought myself a set of scales, logged on to http://www.calorieking.com
and was shocked to find that what I thought was a portion of rice, was actually 2 and bit times a 'normal' portion. It really was quite shocking! My apetite has since decreased significantly and I get fuller quicker - both good things.
You sound pretty angry towards yourself, that you 'let yourself go'.
I disagree that being overweight is simply a matter of 'letting yourself go'. Sure, sometimes it's just laziness and a love of food, but lots of people gain weight for various other reasons, usually emotional and until you're able to get to the bottom of those reasons, you'll struggle to lose the weight and most importantly, maintain the weightloss.
All the best for your journey and I hope you find support and great advice here.
Just keep moving! And don't be lazy...
SW: 74.3kg - 1/1/09
CW: 71.1kg - 3/5/09