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How are you sabotaging yourself?

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How are you sabotaging yourself?

Postby Dolly » Wed Nov 16, 2005 9:59 pm

How are you sabotaging yourself?

"If you play it safe in life you've decided that you don't want to grow any more."
-- Shirley Hufstedler

How are you sabotaging your potential for change?

We subconsciously use defense mechanisms to shield us from situations we perceive to be scary or painful. A part of you may want to grow and change, but another part may be resisting because change always moves you into new territory in your thinking and emotions.

If you find you are getting anxious, fearful, angry, frustrated, dismissive or unmotivated, then defense mechanisms are at work. Watch for them and know them to be signs of fear that wants to hold you back. Then courageously move through them.
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Postby Fairie » Thu Nov 17, 2005 6:59 am

Thanks Dolly......."sabotage" does have a habit of sneaking up on you when things are going well.
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Re: How are you sabotaging yourself?

Postby carla » Fri Nov 18, 2005 10:06 am

Dolly wrote:How are you sabotaging yourself?



If you find you are getting anxious, fearful, angry, frustrated, dismissive or unmotivated, then defense mechanisms are at work. Watch for them and know them to be signs of fear that wants to hold you back. Then courageously move through them.


erk...I get all of the above!
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Postby laura21 » Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:46 pm

Im just about finished my psych degree (but don't hold it against me) and one of the things that kept coming up in research on binging is self sabotage, often we get to our goal weight, but we are so afraid that we actually managed it, that we didn't fail when we're so familiar with "failure" that we eat/binge and stop exercising!!
At first I scoffed at this but I think it's true, what do you think?
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Postby SarahC » Fri Aug 11, 2006 4:17 pm

Sounds quite reasonable to me. I think I do that all the time. Every time I get near my goal weight, I think I'm doing so well that I can afford to eat a little bit, then a little bit more... and before I know it, I'm back up there again. Failure has become a habit :(
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Postby Ally » Fri Aug 18, 2006 10:40 am

Oh self sabotage....she has been my best friend for as long as I can remember...When I previously lost weight and was just about to crack that 100kg mark, my Aunty passed a comment one day that had resounding effects on me. She said to my husband about having to keep an eye as me as if I lost more weight I would have the fellas chasing after me....I gave up shortly after that and the weight piled on and the scales just kept going up. Reading the part about the fear of being thin....that's me. I get so far and then fear does set in....Thanks as this has helped me to look at things a lot differently
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Postby slimmindown » Fri Aug 18, 2006 1:58 pm

Ally, I can relate exactly with how you feel. as a teenager I was slim, I did get alot of male attention, not always positive. Ie from my friends boyfriends and brothers.
I now believe I associate the feeling of attention with the guilt that I had back then. And weight protects me from that.

What I know now is that, is a irrational fear. I am in control of my emotions as an adult and that fear is one of a child, which I no longer am.

This gives me the strength to continue on my weight loss journey of becoming a slimmer healthier person, I can control my emotions and say no to unwanted advances if required.

It comes down to trusting and loving yourself and not believing that your life is soley influenced by others. I have the final say, in my decisions and I know It wont always be easy ,but i can push through that irrational fear of guilt and get on with living a healthy happy life.

And wear those great clothes that i cant wait to buy 8) and feel good about it. :lol:
[no excuses, I can do it!
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Postby Fluffy » Sat Aug 19, 2006 9:29 pm

Wow Dolly, I have just read your piece on self sabotage and have found it scarily accurate...

I too find myself losing weight and then I get to a point where I think "this is too good to be true, I better stop now". I am never really sure why I do it to myself. It's like I am scared to be sucessful at weight lost. While I have never been super slim, I have been smaller - at one time in my teenage life weighing about 75kgs which is I where I what to get to now (funnily enough). Sometimes when people compliment me on weight loss, I shirk the comments as I am almost sure that if I accept the compliments I might give up or get a "big head" about it all.

The whole sabotage thing is really a scary one for me. I look at clothes and think how I would love to buy that dress and yet I completely stop myself from getting there. I also think my "fat suit" shields me from getting to know men, etc as I don't want to have my heart broken like I already have had in the past.

Thanks Dolly for providing this powerful insight. I have printed it out and will take it with me in my bag to read when I am out and about in the hope that I will be able to limit self sabotage for the future...Thanks again!
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Postby °•Spook•° » Mon Sep 18, 2006 10:01 pm

I can relate with you all.
I did so well to lose weight after my 1st child. I was really going well, down to 60kgs, walking regularly. Then we moved to the city and I totally let myself go. I stopped exercising and started saying "we'll have takeaway tonight, it won't hurt none" Boy was I wrong. Now I'm 29kgs heavier.
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Postby fiona » Mon Sep 25, 2006 10:23 pm

Spook.


i sabotage myself the same way. 1 takeaway wont hurt, 2 years later, another 10 or so kilos!!! it does hurt, but our subconscious tells us that its ok to eat it, it will be alright, you can be good tomorrow.....et cetera.
its really tough to out smart that old subconscious but i'm trying hard!! :!:
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:49 am

Kim mentioned the other day that if you have a bit of this and a tiny bit of that it all adds up- that is sooo true
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Postby SarahC » Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:11 am

I couldn't agree more! The tiny little bits are sometimes more evil than the huge binges. I used to be (and probably still am :shock: ) the worst "picker" ever.... over the course of an evening, all those trips to the pantry to get just one bit of chocolate, or just one biscuit, really adds up! I would slice a tiny sliver of cake, thinking that's alright, then another, and another again because now it's cut wonky and I have to straighten it up... before long a huge chunk is missing. Should have just had the huge chunk to start with!

Oh dear... :oops:

Luckily since moving out of home, this only happens occasionally when I go back to visit my parents... that's the only place where there's cake :lol:

Mind you, it's still possible to binge or pick on healthy stuff as well :(
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Postby KimE » Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:41 am

and another again because now it's cut wonky and I have to straighten it up


Oh my goodness, that is how it goes, so true Sarah! There’s so many ways to justify to yourself why you should have just another little piece.

Yep, and watch the healthy stuff. A lot of time although good for you and great nutritionally you still need to watch how much you eat. Dried fruit and nuts comes to mind. Yummy and healthy, good fats in the nuts, no refined sugar. But you really don’t want to be eating much more than a small handful.
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Postby Ally » Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:19 am

I think that is the problem isn't it? People think that just because it is healthy you can eat as much as you like!! The same mistake is made quite often with "low fat" foods as well!!
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Postby Garfield » Tue Sep 26, 2006 4:28 pm

^^ oh yeah! I know a lot of people like that with the low fat foods. "But it's low fat, so I can eat twice as much" :D
After a dismal start to my weight loss this time around, now I am going great guns. I've averaged losing 1kg per week the past 3 weeks. Before I never could lose weight that fast, it was more like 1kg every 3 weeks. I feel so happy with myself and how much I've lost the past few weeks it's so tempting to reward myself just because I'm doing so well. The reward I'm usually tempted for is normally a muffin or chocolate, or maybe some pizza....
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