dragonfly's food :)

[dragonfly]

20-4-2011

so today I had an appointment with the dietician.
we chatted for ages, and she basically told me to eat chocolate every day. so that i would not crave it and binge on it.
also to help with emotional eating, to look forwad to my choc allowance and eat it at the specified time, and not a rampage uncontrolled when soemthing goes wrong.

so if I have a bad day, i can look forward to my allocated 3 timtams after dinner.
I think this might just work, as I try be good and then give up after a few days as I couldnt have the bad stuff.
but I need to work the bad stuff in small amounts each day.
I was allowing for bad stuff some days, but thats obviously not enough.

I also hope the eating of 3 timtams is enough, and doesnt set off the I WANT MOrE< gimme more gimme more cravings and feelings.
like now.
had my 2 marshmellow eggs, and now i want more.
I might eat somethign else to get the taste out my mouth.
or that lovely glass of water LOL

ok none of that makes sense, but oh well felt good to type it up.

food:
allbran cereal and milk
yogurt
apple
2 slices rye bread
2 eggs
salmon
cous cous
2 marshmallow eggs

exercise: 90mins walking and 20mins boxing.

no veggies.... oops.
try again tommorow.

[dragonfly]

27-04-11

last time my family visited, as they live interstate, they shattered my dreams and left me with a knife in my stomach, and I gained 20kilos back. I spiralled out of control, and it all boiled down to the approval I wanted, which I never got.
seriously parents can censored up kids life so bad without knowing it!!!
So expecting a visit again, I prepared myself and knew I wouldnt get the support from them, and as predicted they never said well done, or you look great, keep going, I can see a difference etc. nothing. zip zero zilch, even with hints and prompts like *look at me, my pants fit now*
so I didnt get deflated at their lack of support for weightloss, but I got NO support in another aspect of my life. one thats important, and means alot to me, something I have struggled with a long time, and I got no respect, and no support.
SO once again I have been left shattered, and feel like I am walkign aimlessly around, looking for somewhere to fit in and belong.
I think its time to cut them loose, and stop relying or expecting them to give ANY support at all in ANY aspect of my life. it has become apparent they do not support me, are not proud of me, and probably think I am a failure.
So now I have a mind set that they happen to be my birth parents, and I share the same gene pool as them and other siblings, but thats where it ends.

I will get my support, love and encouragement from people who are proud of me and my life, who do care about what i do, and have done.

I will not gain back 20kilos, maybe 2..... well those eggs at easter LOL.....
and I will walk on forward with or without them.
one day they will look outside their little bubble and realise they dont have a daughter anymore.
I tried, again and again, and like a rubber band, stretched one too many time, I have become brittle and snapped.
its over.
I am me, I have a husband, and my five children. I have a few wonderful supportive friends, and these people will be the ones to get news and phone calls, photos and my love.

[Talien]

Hey Dragonfly

I don't know much about your family but I can say that as a rule people don't understand just how trying to lose weight can effect you.
I hope you're feeling better and remember every 100g lost is a goal reached. Celebrate each one

[Rhonda]

Hi Karin
I wonder how you are doing ????