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Feeling Cheated!

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Feeling Cheated!

Postby MissReena » Fri Feb 08, 2008 10:52 am

Okay this isn't about me, but more like a vent! For as long as I can remember I have been overweight and I have done nothing about it. But recently something in my brain clicked and here I am, eating healthy and exercising a minimum of 30 minutes EVERYDAY (I had never ever done this before). Now yesterday I had a horrible day, my boss was being an arse and has decided he is going to train me to be store manager on a reception wage!!! (HELL NO I SAY) And I rang my best friend to talk about it, while we were talking I also mentioned not feeling happy in myself and my weight!
After the phone call at about 12:30 last night I recieved a text message stating "I feel like your searching for compliments because your are feeling down... If you don't like it then do something about it, have you actually tried exercising everyday for 30 minutes? and eating only fruit and vege, healthy foods? Do you take your tablets everyday?(I have under-active thyroid so I am on medication) For the whole time that I have known you you have been unhappy with your weight yet I have never actually seen you do those things. I manage to do all those things everyday and am happy with my weight. I am so sick of hearing about it!"
This girl has never been more than a size 12 in her life, and I would give my life to be in her position. I feel like I am cheated because there have been so many times that I have helped her when she has been down or something has gone wrong. I have countless times driven to the city to get her, she has stayed at my place for a full year, I have taken her to hospital visits and then when I feel like I need some support she says she is sick of hearing about it! That really hurts. :cry: :cry: :cry:
2009 is my year to Shine

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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby ali76 » Fri Feb 08, 2008 11:13 am

That's why you have us 8)

Use all those feelings as motivation...show her! She might have thought she was being a good friend by telling you what she honestly thought....and not really thinking about it. Not that it's an excuse to be hurtful, but maybe she was having a bad day too..?

You are doing a wonderful thing...you're no longer complaining about things without doing something about it. Feel good about it! Don't ever let anyone bring you down or tell you that you can't do it - you, me and everyone on this forum KNOWS YOU CAN DO IT!

I know it's hard, but try not to be too hurt....turn it into positive energy and show her what you're made of!

Chin up hun! We're ALL here for you :mrgreen:

xoxox
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby electrongirl » Fri Feb 08, 2008 11:20 am

this is why I hate communication on a screen eg: email, sms's etc. Because there is no emotion to it. Its just words. So they can be taken so differently to how they are meant to be. I would call her and tell her calmly that you felt like she was being quite harsh in her sms and it hurt your feelings. Also tell her that you feel she doesn't understand how you feel as she hasn't experienced it from your standpoint.

Apart from that, if she was being a censored, then is what she says important anyway? seriously?
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby grugwashere » Fri Feb 08, 2008 11:20 am

My Jaw just hit my desk. That is really inconcsiderate and unkind, friends should not behave in that way ever!

I think you are doing great with your weightloss Journey and we are all here to give you support and motivation.

Perhaps you should talk to your friend and tell her that you ARE doing all those things that she mentioned and you think it is unfair that she treat you in that manner after all the things you have done for her.
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:59 pm

She may think she knows where you're coming from because she's managed to maintain her weight doing all those things. The problem is that maintaining weight and losing weight are two completely different kettles of fish. It is so much harder to lose weight! People who have never had weight issues could not possibly understand it. It would be like a non-smoker saying to a smoker who's trying to quit "Well, just don't have a cigarette. It works for me!" Stupid, stupid, stupid.

If you want to keep the friendship then definitely tell her how she hurt your feelings. Not just through her doubt and lack of support, but the fact that she chose to say it in an SMS of all things. Tell her how much harder it is to lose weight than to maintain your current weight. Explain what you are doing to lose weight and ask her if she's willing to be a friend and support you in that.

If you don't want to keep the friendship (and who could blame you, she hardly sounds like a 'friend' after all) then simply stop doing all those things that you used to do for her. No more driving into the city to pick her up. No more trips to the hospital. No more listening to her whinge about her problems. Sooner or later she'll realise that in every friendship there is give and take and that as a pure 'taker' she's really got nothing to offer anyone. And she won't even have you to complain to about it :wink: . And go out and find a better friend. This one honestly doesn't sound worth your time.
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby shokoden » Fri Feb 08, 2008 3:05 pm

Now that is a bit harsh. I know you must be feeling upset over your friends comments but I would keep the text and when you feel like falling off the wagon read it and get extra determined to keep moving toward your goal and to show her that you can and will do something about it.
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Fri Feb 08, 2008 3:25 pm

shokoden wrote:Now that is a bit harsh. I know you must be feeling upset over your friends comments but I would keep the text and when you feel like falling off the wagon read it and get extra determined to keep moving toward your goal and to show her that you can and will do something about it.


Yeah. I guess it depends on how you respond to comments like this. If you're someone who would find this a challenge and motivation to prove your friend wrong, then definitely keep it and use it to help keep you on track.

I know that I get depressed at the slightest negative comment (I only like constructive feedback and only when I ask for it). I'd probably end up deleting both the message and the friend who sent it! :wink:

This is the great thing about sharing problems on this forum. There are so many helpful people here that you're bound to find a suggestion that suits you.

Good luck MissReena. I hope it all works out for you.
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby ForMe » Fri Feb 08, 2008 3:58 pm

It's a pity that your friend didn't have the courage to be so unsupportive and superior in a real conversation. Now that's irony. I could never imagine my little group of friends ever being so self-servingly harsh.

Hayles
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby MissReena » Fri Feb 15, 2008 8:13 pm

Hey guys I just thought I would update and say THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

You guys are wonderful and really made me realise that I have a lot more going on in my world that her! My other friends said much what you guys did. And I just let things go.

So the update is, my fiance and I had our Engagement Party on the weekend, and the friend that sent the rule message was going to be my head Bridesmaid as she is the person that I have trusted for the longest amount of time. All of a sudden she decides that she isnt coming to the Engagement and her excuse is that she had to work, I know that she had booked that weekend off so she could come and party with us, then all of a sudden turned around and said that our friendship needs a break and that she thinks it would be better if the two of us just went our seperate ways.

She further sent me an email saying that you just dont know how friendships are going to work out and that she wants nothing more to do with me. All of my other friends are furious and I am just utterly confused! I am so lucky that we are so far away from the wedding we have time to make the changes.

I thought that I deserved a right of reply, so I emailed her as she wasnt taking my calls or texts. And just told her as it was from my point of view, that I had done nothing to deserve being treated that way and even if friendships do change there is no need to be a total censored to other people. After she got the reply she is wanting to catch up saying that she loves me and that I have always been like a sister to her... BUT WHAT THE HELL???

I just don't know what to think... also do I keep her as my Head Bridesmaid or use someone that I trust more???

Sorry for the long post I am just so confuzzeled :?
2009 is my year to Shine

Wk1 - 2kg, Wk2 - 2kg, Wk3 - 2.9kg, Wk4 - 3kg
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby hysterical_oliver » Sat Feb 16, 2008 1:07 am

Ditch her!! You deserve to spend YOUR day surrounded by ppl who actually care about you are you fiance :mrgreen:
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Sun Feb 17, 2008 1:56 pm

I agree. Forget about her. Honestly she seems to either want to be a drama queen and the centre of attention (maybe that's why all this came up just before your wedding), she gets a kick out of belittling people she thinks won't stand up for themselves, or she is mentally unstable (why else make it so clear in so many ways that the friendship is over only to claim you're like a sister when you call her on her behaviour?)

To do this before someone's engagement party is completely inappropriate. You should be having a good time with your fiance and friends. You should not be worrying about some unstable woman who can't even decide if she really wants anything to do with you or not.

Listen to your other friends. They sound like good people who are rallying around you. Their fury at what she's doing is completely appropriate. Their anger tells you that you're a good person, that they like you for who you are and that you deserve better than how that little cow is treating you. They're your real friends. This other girl seems to be using you for some sick twisted game for her own ego. Find someone else to be head bridesmaid. If she's going to start pulling stunts like this before your engagement party who knows what she'd to closer to the wedding. You don't want your big day sabotaged just because you feel guilty about letting her go. You need someone far more stable to rely on!

I hope you enjoyed your engagement party and that your wedding goes really well!
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby ForMe » Sun Feb 17, 2008 2:47 pm

I absolutely agree with the posts. You could never rely on her for your wedding. Ditch her now and save yourself the worry. She's really done you a favour by letting you know her true colours now rather than closer to the wedding.

Yes, and keep listening to the friends that show they care about you - forget the egomaniac, she's not worth it at all.

Hayles
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby zeedeveelgirl » Sun Feb 17, 2008 3:14 pm

Wow!!! Harsh!! Don't worry about her, you deserve far better in a friend! It's her loss :)
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby big_love » Wed Feb 20, 2008 1:06 pm

I really wanted to respond to this post because I felt bad for you...but here's the thing...Im in the same situation, but in mine, im the friend! Thing is im the head bridesmaid for my "bestfriend", who I havent been close with in years. Shes pregnant, her bf's in jail and she's living with her parents. I dont want to come straight out and "break-up with her"...but she's so draining and I don't need those kind of people around me. The only time I hear from her is when somethingswrong or she needs something...she' an idiot!...Im not at all saying this is what has happened with you, and im not trying to say anything at all actually...just its really hard to break up with friends I guess, and you have to do what is best for you in the long run. If you don't trust her, and your not close, I would say choose someone you can trust. You don't need to be treated like that!!!

Goodluck with your decision :mrgreen:
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Re: Feeling Cheated!

Postby Carlos » Thu Feb 21, 2008 1:20 am

Life is really too short to have dog friends like that. I have had friends like that, when they want something they suck right up.. then when it's you that needs something they aren't interested at all.
http://www.weightloss.com.au/forum/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=13874&p=145759#p145759

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