Thanks for your kind words everyone.
As it turns out this morning I was back to 102kgs. I was so frustrated seeing that awful number again. I didn't think I would see it again, thought it was gone for good. I think it just dragged up a lot of emotional stuff. Like I have tried for years to shift the weight and it seemed nothing worked. I would lose then gain again. Sometimes I think I'm not going to get to my goal weight but hey, no harm trying, I might suprise myself. I looked at a pic of myself the other day. Well two actually. I look at a pic of me Christmas 2001. I was size 12, I looked good, I actually liked myself, was proud of me. Then I looked at a pic of me Christmas 2002. I was so big. Looked all bloated. I was size 24. Everyone has reason for weight gain, but I haven't shared my story about it.
Well in Feb 2002 I was diagnosed with cancer. I went thru 6 and a half months of chemo, was pumped full of steroids and I put on weight fast. But being so sick I could hardly eat and definately could not exercise. Then I had 6 weeks break. I found that towards the end of that 6 weeks I could eat. Like food tasted good again and I was keeping it down. So I did over indulge a bit. Then came the radiation therapy. Only five weeks of that but again, couldn't eat much, gave me really bad indigestion. So again after that finished I was like a starved animal in a way. I ate and ate. Food just tasted so good. I had a good Christmas, ate what I wanted. I enjoyed it.
In the new year came the job of trying to shift the weight. I started to walk to the shops but more often then not had to ring for someone to come and get me to take me home. I had no energy to get back. The shops were only a 10 minute walk away. After months of no exercise and putting on over 30kgs I couldn't manage much. It took me six months to be able to walk for 15 minutes without losing my breath.
So, since then I have had problems with my weight. I mourned the person I had lost (I was fit and active, enjoyed exercise and loved life) and hated myself for being so big. I also have problems with depression and anxiety which doesn't help. Over the years I have very slowly lost the weight, but I am determined that my Christmas pics next year are going to make me proud. I would like to see that happy, healthy person again. I don't mind if I am not a size 12 but a 14 would be nice.