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Disgraceful

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Disgraceful

Postby Dee » Wed Feb 07, 2007 3:53 pm

Over the last two weeks I have put on almost all the weight I lost with all that hard work. I am soo disgusted at myself - and really finding it hard to pick myself up and start again. I find myself going through in my head all the 'reasons' for why I have eaten so much rubbish over the last couple of weeks, but in reality, I want to make a lifestyle change, and that means making healthy eating a habit, not a chore. I'm off to Daylesford and the Hepburn Springs with my Mum for the next four days - which is great and a good time to refresh and come at this with energy again, but I must confess to being a little apprehensive. (Mum likes to go on and on about what I should be eating and how i should be running my life - very demeaning after a while and four days may just break me!)
So folks, it's back on my feet and time to put aside the excuses... Only I can do this. And I Must.

Dee
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Postby KimE » Wed Feb 07, 2007 5:39 pm

It's not an easy road Dee and it does take constant attention and focus...at least that is what I found. You need to re-train your head as well as your taste buds. It takes time and patience.

I hope you have a wonderful time at Hepburn Springs.
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Postby Justjudy » Wed Feb 07, 2007 6:44 pm

Dee
You hit the nail on the head when you said "only I can do this". We are only answerable to ourselves, and if we give up instead of making the choice to pick up and dust ourselves off every time we fall off the wagon, we can't blame anyone but ourselves. Have a lovely time on your break. If your Mum gets longwinded about your eating habits and your life in general, sit and daydream about how you will feel when you reach your goal weight. Just remember to say yes and hmmm ocassionaly or she will wake up that you aren't listening - my kids catch me out if I don't do that. :)
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Wed Feb 07, 2007 6:46 pm

hey dee lovely to see you! kim is right, you need to retrain your thinking. you are going to do something about your weight once and for all. never mind about the past. i know what you mean about mums too- its soooo frustrating. just take it easy and keep thinking positive thoughts. you will relose that weight again plus more :)
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Postby SarahC » Thu Feb 08, 2007 8:11 am

Hi Dee! I know how hard it is to get going again after you've put weight back on. It has happened to me more times than I care to remember :shock: It takes a while to deal with what's happened and then move on - onwards and upwards :D

Daylesford - I am jealous! It is lovely there, very relaxing and just the spot to renew your resolve and gather strength to start your weightloss again :D Hopefully your mum will not nag you too much. Try and get some time to yourself... maybe a nice massage or spa or something like that :wink:
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Postby mary_in_adelaide » Thu Feb 08, 2007 8:21 pm

I wish you luck in finding the motivation to get back on the wagon Dee. I can perfectly understand how you feel as I have yo-yo'd for years.

I'm not sure why this time feels different but it does even though it's only early days yet. Maybe some of these things will help you.

I think it's partly because I'm not on a diet...I am making healthy choices. It's made a difference to my head to not think of a diet which sounds negative to my brain whereas making healthy choices sounds very positive and is about me having control.

Another thing I've done this time is realise those people who talk about moderation in all things have been right all the time. Since I started 6 weeks ago I've allowed myself to have things that are "bad". I don't eat them often and I don't have huge portions but if I decide I really do want a salt-laden empty-carb snack (my particular downfall) 'll have myself some popcorn or one of those lunch box packs of chips. I haven't had many of either (one pack of chips and 3 or 4 small serves of popcorn) and it always fits into my overall eating plan but the point is I'm not saying NEVER AGAIN to the foods I like. That seems to have made it easier for me to stay fairly stable...I haven't wasted a whole bunch of energy avoiding certain foods then binging on them when I can't stand it any more.

Tied into that has been to deal with cravings instead of just giving in to them. The other day I wanted a hamburger and fries 'cos I'd had a bad day. I told myself "no...not for 15 minutes" and I went through in my head why I really wanted that food and what I would feel like afterwards. I finally understood that I would feel good for a moment and bad for a day or more. By the time the 15 minutes were up I didn't want to eat the burger. And the real lightbulb moment was when I realised what I really wanted was to feel good and that another way to feel good would be to make the healthy choice and take control. And I was right. I did feel good about that (still do). Feeling good feels good and I think I'm teaching myself that there's other ways than eating to deal with bad days and still make myself feel good.

I'm nearly 40 and finally learning some lessons :D
Cheers, Mary

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Postby Dee » Sun Feb 11, 2007 7:10 pm

Well guys, I'm back from Daylesford and I had an amazing time! I successfully ignored every one of Mum's comments about how all the water would leave the spa if I got in, and how much I eat, and focused on making the most of the break. I was really proud of myself actually - I couldn't resist the handmade choccies - but I only bought ONE - omg how did I choose????
Actually, as a bit of irony, we went into a bakery one afternoon to get ourselves a treat - we were after all on holiday - and Mum bought herself FOUR cakes - saying she'd share them with me (I didn't want them) I bought one cake for the late afternoon sugar craving, ate half of it that afternoon and when I finally sucumbed and went to go back for the rest discovered that Mum had eaten it, and all the other treats in the box - so she actually did me a favour.
On the way home today she finally realised that she has a weigh in at her Fernwood Biggest Loser challenge, and that the pancake with mascarpone, maples syrup and strawberries was probably a bad choice. I however was able to pat myself on the back for making largely good choices. It actually helped, because I kind of saw that Mum wasn't really picking on me - she was just saying to me what she wanted (and perhaps needed) to say to herself.

Had the BEST massage and facial WOW!! Folks - you gotts get there! (Ask for Alex at the Hepburn Spa he's amazing! A masseur and a mechanic - is that an oxymoron?? :lol: )

Thanks guys for all your support - sorry I haven't fixed my ticker, but for those of you who want to know my current weight is at 130.8kgs.

Dee
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Sun Feb 11, 2007 7:23 pm

hey dee
sounds like you had an awesome time. it also sounds like your mum is trying her best to do this journey with you and needs a bit of support along the way too. im sure she is very proud of your achievements dee.
as for the facial and massage, i hate things like that where people touch me! haha. im a freak!

but overall we are all glad that you had a lovely break :)
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Postby Dee » Fri Feb 16, 2007 5:49 am

Thanks Kate, you're right - I should just be supportive of her - kinda hard when she's been such a downer on my own efforts - but that's no reason to be a censored.

Slap on the hand for me and I'll try harder next time.
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Fri Feb 16, 2007 7:17 am

Image sounds good dee :) you just concentrate on doing your own thing and your mum will follow suit :)
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