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True Confessions

Weightloss Confessions where you can confess your weight loss sins.

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True Confessions

Postby Ally » Thu Jul 05, 2007 3:15 pm

Sshhh! Don't tell anyone......

I have been here for almost a year now with no progress...well ok, there has been progress, then regression, progress, regression....I have embarked on "this is it" moment, the motivation to end all motivations, you name I have done it over this last year....not even some seemingly embarrassing moments have pulled me up.....Oh don't get me wrong they did for awhile, but then the over eating would begin again and I would fool myself (again) that the extra lines of chocolate, the way too many takeaways in a week, the lollies, the chips with the movie, the kids leftovers.....they all didn't matter.....but it did.....and I gained more weight again. I have adjusted my ticker. My weight was spiralling out of control again, but this time I put a stop to it..I hit 157.7kgs again and something just happened as I fought and struggled with the feelings of despair.....this time I have no "defining" moment, no embarrassing situation, no excuses....this time I have started to deal with the one thing that has been staring me in the face the whole time over all my efforts to lose weight....my relationship with food.....I have been delving into the why's and the wherefore's, not just trying to stop, but actually stopping even half way through a binge of chips or chocolate and asking myself...."why the heck am I doing this? Why am I treating myself this way?" sometimes the answers have been quite confronting.....sometimes, there is just no reasoning...I am eating because it is a habit to just sit in front of that tv and consume 1/2 a block of chocolate and a whole packet of Doritos.....

but the difference is I am changing....I have been going through the Calorie King University again, but this time instead of it just being a "process", I have started dealing with issues I have had for as long as I can remember....I have started my one year diary and it has been quite a challenge to actually write down the things that I have eaten, even though part of me still wanted to cheat and pretend it didn't happen....since I have started being honest with myself and writing it ALL down, I have felt much better about myself and realise that there is no turning back....even if I have a bad meal choice, a bad day, a bad month....I have to write it down as I have committed myself to doing so....before it has been a half-hearted effort and I have fooled myself by not writing it down on paper and if I have takeaway I wouldn't write it down, if I ate chocolate I wouldn't write it down......no one would know, except me of course.....I would only post my food diaries here, if I had a good day, never a bad one...but this has stopped. I need to be conscious of the calories that I am consuming....to be accountable. Previously I have only been accountable on the "good" days and pushed the bad ones out of my mind....

So there you have it.......now those of you who may have wondered where I got to over the last few months, now know why I have struggled to be here so much...yes my life did get extremely busy at one point, but it certainly hasn't accounted for the amount of time spent away from the forum, or skipping around certain topics...I too find it hard to give advice when not following it myself, hence the absence.....I agree with Dee when she says don't run away from the forum for making some bad choices...it is easier said than done, but I wish that I hadn't have run off and just stuck around, but :roll: we all live and learn........

I got my daughter to take some photos of me the other day in my bra and undies (no don't worry they won't make it to the forum :P ) but even that was an eye opener for me, to just realise how big I had become, was a big jolt to the system!

I know that with the amount of weight that I am carrying that I am at a huge risk of disease, but all the while it didn't seem to matter even though I have 4 kids and a hubbie that I would die for...now I am turning it around to say that I want to live for them and be here a lot longer to share their life with them
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Thu Jul 05, 2007 3:53 pm

HI there ally

welcome to the group ;) my name is kate and i also have a weight problem. i have also lost weight in the past only to recently face up to reality and find that i have put on half of what i have lost. I am glad we are both here taking control of the situation. i too, am writing in the food diary on the forum and will add if i slip up etc- we are all human we arent robots who are programmed to eat this food or that amount of food. we have minds and we need to make conscious decisions. i too thought about running from the forum but have made the decision to stick around so i can get the support. looking at everyone else losing weight each week is great because it shows me that i can do it too however sometimes i feel like an embarrassment (think Muriel Heslops dad telling the family theyre all an embarrassment). i know now that we all slip up and i am not the only one in this world who has regressed with their weight. you arent either. we can either sit here and um and ah and make excuses- and sometimes it does help to get off the chest why you think you are eating the way you are or why you havent exercised but in the end we can say our excuses but we need to do something about our eating and exercise despite things standing in our way.

i am very proud of you doing the watp this morning. even though you are still getting better you are easing back into the exercise. hows the little gym going downstairs that you were going to get scott to help you set up? maybe thats something you can do on the weekend. get the kids to make some great drawings or paintings to hang up in there (good school hol activity) so when you are in there its bright and cheerful and it will be a place you want to be :)

remember we are always here and you can always chat to me if you feel like you are slipping. i have been there!

once again welcome, i am sure you will fit right in here ;)
xoxox
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Postby sassi » Thu Jul 05, 2007 4:34 pm

i started blushing when i read what you wrote about not writing down or admitting if you'd eaten something bad - i got such an attack of the guilts because i have been known to do this very thing - i guess it's kind of an ostrich syndrome - if no one knows, then it never happened! :oops:

i have some of those same bra & undies pics you talk of - a fabulous motivator to make me sit up and say "right, this is how i am at the moment. if i don't like what i see, i have the power to change this".

the same things i said to kate hold true for you also - i would be so sorry to see you stop posting. your advice & comments are so important to this forum. but it's even more than that - because it's all the different personalities & all the different experiences that make this forum so fab and keep us newbies coming back!
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Thu Jul 05, 2007 4:39 pm

Good on you Ally :D

Ok, I guess its my turn then! Hello, my name is Grace. I have a problem with binge eating....sometimes I will sit down and eat an entire block of chocolate, a whole pack of biscuits, a whole bag of doritos, 5 peanut butter sandwiches, 2 litres of coke...all in one go...some times more. I have realised that I am in an 'all or nothing' mentallity...like, if I slip it, bugger it, I may as well pig out, and Ill 'start again tomorrow' GOD I think I have said those three words a hundred times, easily....Ill eat until my belly hurts and I dont want to move, just keep eating....I think that it is like a punishment .....food is a punishment for having something 'bad' like If I have a 'treat' (excuse for cr*p!) then Ill stuff myself sick with everything I can find (and go buy it at the milkbar if I dont have any! Very embarrassed of the knowing smile the man behind the counter gives me when I buy ANOTHER family block of chocolate, pack of chips and golden gaytime! :oops: ) I start telling myself that I am never going to be thin, Im just a loser, why do I bother starting, Im only going to fail....I know this is setting me up for failure, all this negative self talk. SO, I am starting over too. FOR THE LAST TIME< I WILL SAY I AM STARTING OVER TOMORROW!! I am going to challenge the urge to binge, sit down and write out the way I am feeling, and WHY I want the food....I need to set a good example for my little man, and I want to be around for him for a long time yet! I am going to finish up with my celeb slim shakes and see how I go....and my new avon food diary has just turned up! :D perfect timing! SO, Its a week for admissions :D We CAN do this, together....I think sometimes we just get a little complacent.... :) Lets do it together :) xxxx
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Thu Jul 05, 2007 4:50 pm

you are right gracie it is a week for admissions and a clean slate by all! i hope that by me confessing my weight gain it is making it easy for other people to come clean - its hard to do and as i said it can be embarrassing and i am someone who worries about what people think about me. everything you girls have said i have sat here nodding my head- like the one more row of chocolate, or eating til my stomach hurts. we can do this :)
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Postby sassi » Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:03 pm

like me having fish & chips for lunch yesterday because i was "sick" and "deserved a treat"? :oops:

it does make me less hard on myself when i read other people posting that they do so many things that i do myself - i don't feel so alone and that we can all achieve our goals.
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Postby grugwashere » Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:04 pm

Hey Ally,

Good on ya! Its great that you have decided to try and whack the weight on its head again... sorry that just sounded really funny and cool in my head..:P

i too am a big fan of only posted food diary when its good... or accidentally forgetting the bad stuff

i think you are a wonderful very important part of this forum so dont go away when you dont feel so happy with your weightloss.... it would be the same without you

:D *hugs*
SW:91kg
CW:75kg
GW: Somwhere in the 60's for now

Next mini goal:73kg
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Postby grugwashere » Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:14 pm

well i suppose i should do some admitting also:

Hi my name is Joanna and i am fat because:

i crumble to easy and find it hard to resist temptation. i follow the good old one more wont hurt diet. but one does hurt... one more over and over and over hurts alot.

i stuff myself silly with chips and junk food... i have a problem with eating stuff like nachos for dinner... i wouldnt consider doritos a meal so why does adding some salsa and cheese do this?

i have a fear of being hungry.
i gorge myself even when im not hungry i just dont stop eating!

and i dont make up for it in excercise.

i too am going to start over... nothing massively strict just try not to gorge and to eat healthy... its true if i dont buy it i cant eat it.
SW:91kg
CW:75kg
GW: Somwhere in the 60's for now

Next mini goal:73kg
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Postby SarahC » Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:17 pm

Thanks for confessing to us Ally. Wow, seems to be the week for it! It's great that you are tackling the issue and not letting it get out of hand :) Just think of how much better your life will be and focus on all the things you want!

I also occasionally avoid posting my food diary when it is terrible, especially on the weekends. But I do admit my silly stuff like eating at 2am or, like last night, eating six servings of icecream :( There is good embarassment factor in doing that lol!

Looking forward to seeing your ticker start moving along again Ally. I have no doubt that it will :D
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Postby *KaTe* » Thu Jul 05, 2007 5:57 pm

Thanks 4 sharing your stories girls :D I'm proud of all of you for recognising the issues you all face...

All the best to all of you, cant wait to hear of some great losses!!

Will be thinking of you all! :D
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Postby Dee » Thu Jul 05, 2007 7:39 pm

I did this about two weeks ago too Ally - just sort of looked at myself and realised I was deluding myself into thinking that one more treat would be okay. I stayed away from here for ages becuase I was simply too embarrased to show my face here - in the one place where everyone would understand exactly what I was going through.

I haven't updated my ticker - although I still have a couple of kilos to get back down to this point, but simply becuase I don't want to start rewarding myself at this point for putting on the weight, and then losing those same kilos again. For me, watching that ticker go down is a huge accomplishment, so I am working my booty off in an attempt to get that turtle moving!

We'll all do it together - after all, isn't that what this wonderful site is for?
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Postby shelbel » Thu Jul 05, 2007 8:15 pm

Wow ladies, what a frank discussion this has been!
To tell the truth i had tears in eyes and was nodding in agreement at just about all that was said, because i too am here because i gained back some of the weight i lost.

It really does show you how much of a mental journey weight loss is as well as physical. Im always amazed at how i can turn a mental blind to things i have put in my mouth!

I applaud your heartfelt honesty here Ally and everyone else too, we've really crept out of the woodwork! It really sounds to me like all the pieces have clicked into place for you. And can make this happen! Its your time to shine!! :D
Highest Weight - 93kgs
Current Weight - 68.3kgs
Goal Weight - 65kgs

The wise man Stephen King once said - The only way to go on, is to go on. To say 'i can do this' even when you know you cant

You'll find me in the almost there section :)
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Thu Jul 05, 2007 9:00 pm

aaaaaaawwwwww I so just want to give everyone a big group hug :D
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Postby Fireball » Fri Jul 06, 2007 1:23 am

ditto to everything including the group hug.

The last few weeks I have maintAined my weight so I'm happy about that because it had been going up and up, but I've had to put in a fair bit of extra exercises for all the little slip ups. :oops: I quit smoking 10 years ago - from 60 cigarettess a day! so I just can't understand why I can't stop eating. But with the support from you folk I know I can do it. I know WE ALL CAN AS LONG AS WE STICK AT IT AND DON'T QUIT :!:
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Postby Jannie » Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:53 am

Hey Ally,

Good luck on your journey. You sound like you have really found resolve to get on with the task.

Keeping an honest food diary is so important. It's so easy to fool yourself into thinking you haven't eaten much, or that since you have binged anyway a bit more won't matter. I know that, because it's what I have done myself. I have only been keeping a diary for 2 weeks now, measuring calorie intake against output, but it is the best thing I have ever done. Knowing I have to write it all down makes me think twice about what I am doing.. such as eating the kids' leftovers.

Thanks for your honesty in sharing your thoughts with all of us. I admire you for being courageous enough to have your daughter take photos. It's a good step, as it will give you a marker against which to chart your improving figure. I have to confess I wouldn't be brave enough yet. It's hard to see yourself as others see you. I have spent a long time fooling myself that although I had put on weight, I really wasn't all that fat, but now I realise that actually, I am. And suddenly, I really do mind!

I wish you the very best of luck in becoming happier and healthier. Be kind to yourself when you slip up (like we all do) and put it behind you and keep marching toward your goal.

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