Why I am overweight.
When I was little, I was chubby. I don't think now that I was fat, but I've always been a big kid. Even as a baby, sitting next to my cousin, I look 6 months older than her, when I'm only 1 month older.
I think I've always known that I'm too big. There's a story that at preschool one day when mum picked me and my sister up, the teacher told mum "I had a look though the girl's lunchboxes, and I didn't find anything strange!" Mum was furious, "Of course not, I packed them!" We never got chips and lollies like the other kids got, but both of us were still too big.
When I hit primary school, that's when I first remember being teased about being fat. I don't remember what was said, but I remember that I was teased. When I got to year 3, most of the big kids had left (it was a small school), and so I didn't cop it quite so much. I had a friend though, a year older than me, who came from a bad background. She would make jokes at my expense, in the way friends often do. I know she never meant to hurt me (most of the time, anyway,) but it was just one of those reinforcing things, you are fat.
From about the time that I was in year 4, Mum decided she wanted to work full time again, 8-6. So in the mornings and afternoons, my sister and I would walk to and from school. When we were younger we went to babysitting on days mum worked, but now were were old enough to walk to 2km ourselves, and to be trusted home alone. It was very exciting at first, being home with no parents. And it wasn't long before we realised that no parents meant no one would know if we ate ice creams after school, or things like that. We were allowed to do things we weren't allowed to do if mum and dad were home. But that novelty wore off after a while, and eating patterns returned to normal.
As I got to year 5 and 6, I started to get a lot taller. I was growing into my size a lot better, and the puppy fat was disappearing. Cos in the end, that's all it was. Puppy fat. And if I hadn't changed the way I ate, I would have been fine.
Mum was often dieting, and she did things like weight watchers a few times. I've always known that the only way to loose weight is to take in less than you expend, to move more and eat less. But when I hit year 6 or 7 (I forget which), I noticed something. I was hitting puberty, and my breasts were starting to develop. And I thought well, that means now that any weight I gain will go straight to my breasts. I can eat whatever I want, and there will be no problem.
Stupidest thing I've ever thought.
If I had kept eating acceptably, then that would have happened. The weight would have redistributed itself to my chest, and I wouldn't have the problem I have now. But instead I started eating a huge amount. Never very unhealthy foods, like chips and chocolate, but just a lot of things like bread and breakfast cereal. And ice cream, which never seemed that bad, because it's dairy after all.
At high school the taunts began again, worse than any I had ever experienced. In primary school, there were never more than about 15 kids in the whole school, and when I was a 'big kid' after about yr3, nothing could happen. But in yr7, I was one of 120 in my grade, 750 in my school. I hadn't gone to primary school with anyone. And I was fat. I was the perfect target, and man, did I cop it.
After about yr9, I never ate much at school. Just a muesli bar at recess and a sandwich and an apple at lunch. But when I got home, after a hot bus ride and a long up hill walk (2 hours travelling time), I was exhausted and starving, and I'd eat and eat. And then at dinner time I'd eat some more, because both my parents are big eaters and my dad cooks enough for 12. They're also both from the 'finish everything on your plate' school of thought.
And so now here I am. I'm 19, I'm obese, and I shouldn't be.
And now I have to change it.