Won't be on much today because i actually have a lot of work to do!
Anyway, yesterday started of quite positive
, went to an all you can eat buffet at Star City for mums birthday and i didn't gorge myself. i had one plate of food (nothing fried!) and a little dessert, i wasn't hungry ( i ate a good breakfast before going). So proud of myself
. Even went for a 7km walk last night so i was quite happy with myself then fiance said something completely innoceently that i wasn't happy about. He was telling me how i was doing really well but he is glad i am still cuddly
. CUDDLY! I DON"T WANT to be CUDDLY!
He didn't mean it in a bad way but i want to be thin, i don't want to be sccary thin or anything, i want to be healthy and have curves in the right places but i don't want to be seen as cuddly, thats a polite way of saying fat!
Now i just feel very deflated like my efforts haven't been enough
. DOn't get me wrong i am still very proud of my efforts but i'm worried i will never get to where i want to be
. I will always have an arse the size of a barn. I wasn't happy when watching TBL that Nicola who weighs more then me had 2 legs!
I still look like my thighs are joined to the knee!
Its not fair!
What i want is to take 3 months off work and focus on me and get myself to the size i want to be. Not gonna happen, i have no annual leave up my sleeve since i have the Fiji trip coming up and can't afford to live off just Sams wage all though he deserves it after calling me CUDDLY!
I hope everyone had a good easter.
What would really help my self esteem right now would be for someone to comment that i have done well, it won't happen but i'm sure. I guess diving into the pile of work i have to do today will help distract me.