I’m baaaaaack…did you miss me?
Okay, in case you don’t have the time or inclination to read my ramblings, the summary of the last four months is: I got a new job & I’ve put on weight instead of losing it.
For those who feel like reading the longer version…
I had incredibly good intentions when I made my pledge not to return until I was under 91kg. I really thought it was only going to be a matter of a couple of weeks until I was back. At first I would read the site every day – pretty much the same as before – I just wasn’t posting. Life got busier & busier – I had a wedding to go to that took up more time than I ever thought possible, then there was a major event to organise for my last job…then I got the new job and started at the beginning of april. Since then I’ve been adjusting to a job that is far more responsibility & work. It’s faster paced and more is expected of me than in my last position.
I get home at the end of the day & I’m stuffed! I also walk to & from the station – about 50 minutes walking a day. When I get home I’m starving as well. I snack while I cook dinner and then I crash on the couch. On Friday nights I invariably fall asleep on my bf’s shoulder while i’m watching tv. Friday nights have become take away nights.
I’ve been going to see the PT at least once a week, sometimes twice, but any other exercise (other than weekday walking) has fallen away to nothing.
The new job is enjoyable but has been a bit of a rollercoaster emotionally as I’m on a 3 month probation & I am by nature a worrier that my work won’t be good enough. I’m proud of where I’ve reached career-wise but at the same time nervous because this feels like a whole different league from what I’m used to. And, true to form, I turned to food as an emotional crutch.
I’ve struggled to try and find a balance, I hated caring so much about everything I was eating & what exercise I was (or wasn’t) doing and feeling so negative about myself. I felt like I was sabotaging my relationship with my bf because I was always so negative about myself. Then I slipped into not caring what I ate – which worked for a while but ultimately I still wasn’t happy. I still haven’t managed to find that balance of accepting who I am while I strive to be the healthier person I want to be but i'm getting there.
Tomorrow morning I’m going to weigh in, it’s the week leading up to totm but that’s just too bad. A recent sneak peak on the scales showed me to be somewhere around 96.8 although at the doctors recently it was around 94. either way, it’s unacceptable.
I know this is a super long post, but it’s been stewing inside of me for ages now and it’s incredibly therapeutic to get it out there!
I feel almost like I’ve come back with my tail between my legs – embarrassed that I was clearly unable to go forward on my own. But at the same time I feel empowered.
it’s one day at a time & today is day one...it's all about small steps
to anyone who's made it this far
thank you! and a BIG thank you to shelbel, lng & milky for helping bring me back!
so...can someone fill me in on what's been going on around here