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Hippy Chick's Journal

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Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby hippy_chick » Mon Aug 04, 2008 6:10 pm

Yippee! Weight loss for the wqeek was 600g. Ok, so it could have been a LOT better if I'd not deviated so horribly but, it's within my weekly goal of 500-1000g per week.

I can't wait to be back in the 60's, woo woo.

Next Monday I would like to see the scales say 69.0 (It is my birthday on the weekend, have to be extra careful during the week).

I have left it too late this morning to do any of my weights exercise. :/
Slow & Steady Wins the Race!

I'm imformed, committed & consistant. I'm loving my body & working towards a sustainable body, the healthy way.

Persistance will set you free.
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Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby hippy_shake » Mon Aug 04, 2008 7:30 pm

Hey congratulations thats such a good loss :D
Jane :)

SW:80- 21/05/08
CW:68.5
GW:60

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Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Tue Aug 05, 2008 1:59 pm

That's a great loss Hippy Chick. A very healthy amount to lose in a week. Well done! And good luck with hitting the 60s next week.

I hope you have a great birthday this weekend. Do you have big celebrations planned or are you going to have a quiet one?
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Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby hippy_chick » Tue Aug 05, 2008 6:08 pm

Hi guys. I'm having a party on Saturday, and then a BBQ lunch on Sunday - so should be fun!

Yesterday:

B: All Bran and milk. One cookie, one slither carrot cake
S: 100g bag mixed nuts and raisins
L: Vegetable soup
D: Pesto pasta salad with rocket and cherry tomatos; glass red wine
Later: Carrot cake, 2 x cookies

So this morning I have stumbled right into one of the horrible pitfalls of weighing in - I I'm RIGHT back where I started, after one day! Damn. I can't pretend, it' s not a good feeling! Realistically though I know that such small losses and gains such as I have had can be attributed to many things. I think it just makes it more difficult because I am at the start - if I had a few kilos behind me, it wouldn't be as hard. Never mind, just have to keep on keeping on. It won't get me anywhere to dwell on it.

So my food intake yesterday would have looked ok without the intake of the cake and cookies, which I really didn't need at all. Stupid, auto-pilot eating. The soup sound healthy - but on closer inspection of the container in which it came, it contains cream and butter. Just shows to show fresh is always best!

It is really yucky not being able to walk, I missed that today and yesterday. I know it sounds like I am being rediculous, but my whole ankle was actually sttiff this morning and I do have to let the silly heel... heal.

Well, I can still reach the 60's if I try, just have to try and stay focused on the goal.

BTW - I am doing pretty well in some respects. There are a few occasions where I have passed up food, and when I have not eaten things I would usually eat. I am still eating too many 'treat' foods with the cookie and cake but I'm hoping that I will learn in time to pick and choose the appropriate times for these.
Slow & Steady Wins the Race!

I'm imformed, committed & consistant. I'm loving my body & working towards a sustainable body, the healthy way.

Persistance will set you free.
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Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby hippy_chick » Wed Aug 06, 2008 9:43 am

So today went badly again, I ate for emotional reasons, but of course ended up just feeling grose for it. My question is, WHY do I keep doing it, when I full well know I won't feel good afterwards? It's a really weird cycle.

My eating habits also aren't normal - like I polished off the cookies tonight just so they'd be gone - weird! Most people could keep them there and they'd last a while. I have never been able to! Do I love food too much!? I do love food.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a hopeless case and I do know how to make choices and I often make good ones but gosh, I just fail to understand WHY my brain can't compute that I'm trying to lose weight, therefore, simply, don't eat the crap. I mean, it's a simple enough sounding equation isn't it? Why then, does my stupid brain insist on telling me to eat the crap. It's rediculous!! I know ... certain times mean we crave certain foods to boost serotonin etc etc and that's where the cravings come in.But honestly, it just really really peeves me off that I keep slipping into binges, I mean come on now seriously, it's like... get a grip woman? Sorry - I am just rambling to myself here.

I am in control, so why do I find it so hard to control??? It's like I am taking a chance with the food - will it make me feel good?! Eat it - woops, no, don't feel good feel grose! It's not that all 'treat' foods make me feel grose, depending on the situation, I can quite enjoy it. But shouldn't I be able to assess those times when it will make me feel good, and the times it will make me feel rotton? I should be able to tell myself - you don't really want 7 cookies now. It will make you feel sluggish and you'll regret jeopardising your goals. But maybe one day when you're enjoying coffee out with a friend, you might enjoy a biscuit. Or like today, I had an Aero Bar. I craved it, but then had it, and it was horrible, the whole experience was like torture, there was no enjoyment at all, do you know what I mean? I mean technically it tasted nice but the actually experience was stressful because I felt bad and i knew it was just junky rubbish. So why did I think it would make me feel good???? I think I ASSOCIATE these foods as rewards and treats from days in the past, when it really WAS a treat to get some chocolate. What I am failing to do is aclimatise myself to the NOW. I'm just not sure where these binges come from, or how to control them. I have been trying to remember how I feel when I'm in the moment, when I've decided to have that chocolate, or those 7 cookies, or the cake after breakfast, and nothing will stop me. It's like I just shut off any voice in my head, I conciously push it away and then just do what I want. It's like I'm in a trance, and then after, after I've eaten, I come out of it feeling regretful. It's obvious I have at least some level of food addiction and this is not just a matter of 'woops I had a bit too much fun over chirstmas and put on a few'; it's an actual mental and emotional battle. One which... I have to admit, really terrifies me.

To look on the bright side, I think I am going in the right direction as I am acknowledging and trying to learn and really giving it a real go to be patient so that I can put changes in place that will have a lasting effect. It's interesting to note that when my Mum was my age she went up to a size 14 (right now I am a 12-14, probably more 14 than 12 atm) and then once she lost it, she has maintained her size 8-10 frame her whole life since. She has a healthy diet, with occasional treats. She doesn't have chocolate and biscuit addictions like me though!

I really want this to be something I can beat and something I can change but I am just really struggling right now. But, maybe when you look at it.... a few months ago I was eating LOADS more chocolate than I am now. I was eating choclate every day, sometimes like 2 or 3 lots a day!! And I felt AWFUL. I would buy chocolate in the morning, at lunch and after work! I'd buy it waiting for a train. I don't do that any more. My chocolate purchasing has gone way way done and usually if I do I have just been buying a freddo. But I also find the light hot chocs do the trick. So if I look at it this way, I suppose I did manage to come a long way in teaching myself that I didn't LIKE buying and scoffing chocolate like that, that it didn't make me feel good. So perhaps it's just a matter of training my brain to realise that if it really won't make me feel good then I DON'T want it. I hope it's just a matter of training. I really don't want to be too hard or negative on myself but I do want to acknowledge these things. Because at the end of today - I ate loads more calories than I needed too... and I am annoyed at that. I am thinking of the exact moments before...

I was sad because of something important to me that I couldn't accomplish.... i ate cookies
i ate cookies, so i felt bad, so i ate more cookies, and cake
i felt sad because of the anniversary of my nanna's death... i drank hot chocolate
i saw someone eating chocolate... i had already binged, so i ate chocolate (adn felt ghastly!!)
i came home, the cookies looked good, i ate the cookies

How it could have gone:

Ate well breakfast lunch and dinner, felt good... possibly craved something sweet.

I think that I can try and arm myself better.

One - I need bring fruit to work as snacks. If I am hungy, I am turning to junk.
I need to stock the light hot chocs. Depravation won't lead to good places.

I am late for bed, but I wanted to say - the weights on my arms are paying off already. My arms are feeling stronger, firmer and more powerful, and that makes me feel good!! Also, I don't know if this is just in my head, but I swear my butt is a bit more toned and 'lifed' than it was. Lifted, in, type thing, rather than hanging out the side like 2 extra asses. Haha!! If it is possible for a change already... it could be the walking, plus the big hills, and the butt exercises in the lounge room. Do you think it is possible to have a change already?

Back to it tomorrow. Always back to it :)

Food doesn't control my body, I CONTROL MY BODY!! I decide what I want to put in there! Food is an inanimate object, and does not have a say. I choose the fuel, the fuel doesn't choose me!!!
Slow & Steady Wins the Race!

I'm imformed, committed & consistant. I'm loving my body & working towards a sustainable body, the healthy way.

Persistance will set you free.
hippy_chick
 
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Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby Indi3 » Wed Aug 06, 2008 11:36 am

Hey Hippy Chick!

I think your doing great.. and if you can see and feel a change then it is happeneing! Its the thought process remember.. that matters the most when trying to change patterns and habits.. the self image of yourself is so important to the thinking.. if you think your fat if you think your toned.. the body., the cells , the subconsious hears all of it!

What date is your Birthday? I reckon you should just enjoy.. don't put pressure on yourself.. if there is one day in the year to induldge and enjoy, its on your birthday. !

I have a birthday party to go to on Saturday and i'm like.. bugger.. i wanted to be good this week or at least for a few weeks. So i decided I will be. Its just one day and i dont have to go nuts. I've decided there is always going to be SOMETHING and i can't keep giving in just because of that SOMETHING coming up. If i can work out which ones mean the most to me, i can narow down the events im going to enjoy the most.. leaving me stronger for the less important ones.

Have a great day HippChick .. just stay focused.. You've got the support!

Indi x
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Postby hippy_chick » Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:37 am

Hi hi.

Feeling good because I had a good strong day!

Indi, Strawberry and I have been taking it in turns to email each other a daily mantra and challenge. Today I was creator of the mantra!

I control my body, my body does not control me!! Food does not control me, I control what I put in my body.

This has helped me! I found myself craving and just said 'NO stupid silly voice, YOU don't get to decide, I DO!! My concious self, the side of me that has control. I said, No - I want to eat healthy, I'm not going to let this pesky voice trick me into eating junk.

Well, it worked today, hopefully it will work again.

Today:

Breakfast: Mixed all bran and nut cluster cereal
Morning tea: Necterine
Lunch: Vegetable soup
Moment of weakness before dinner: 2 teaspoons leftover icing for carrot cake (But did I have the cake, no)
Dinner: Jerk chicken with sweet potato mash, peas and brocoli


Still no exercise, my heal is still stuffed. I should have done some weights and sit ups tonight though. I am going to jump back into the exercise tomorrow but it'll have to be a walk with thongs unfortunately. Not ideal, but it's going to be at least a week before I can put a healed shoe back on.


If anyone would like to know how to prepare a really healthy and very very tasty jerk chicken breast, here is my very simple recipe:

Preheat oven to 200c fanforced. Prepare both sides of chicken with olive oil, squeeze lemon juice, freshly ground salt and pepper, and crushed garlic. Wrap in tin foil and place in oven for approx 20 - 25 mins. Check the chicken at 20 mins to see if it is cooked - you don't want to overcook it, nothing worse than dry-as-a-boot chicken!

The mash was prepared using sweet potatoes, low GI and better than regular potatoes, but just as tasty and nice as mash! To make mash I used 2 sweet potatoes, one teaspoon olive oil (not needed), splash low fat milk, and freshly ground salt, pepper, sprig of rosemary and 1/2 clove garlic which I mashed in a mortar and pestol. Very yummy, especially with the peas!
Slow & Steady Wins the Race!

I'm imformed, committed & consistant. I'm loving my body & working towards a sustainable body, the healthy way.

Persistance will set you free.
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Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:51 am

Re:

Postby hippy_chick » Thu Aug 07, 2008 6:40 am

hippy_chick wrote:Preheat oven to 200c fanforced. Prepare both sides of chicken with olive oil, squeeze lemon juice, freshly ground salt and pepper, and crushed garlic. Wrap in tin foil and place in oven for approx 20 - 25 mins. Check the chicken at 20 mins to see if it is cooked - you don't want to overcook it, nothing worse than dry-as-a-boot chicken!



I forgot to say - jerk seasoning on the chicken as well, der!!
Slow & Steady Wins the Race!

I'm imformed, committed & consistant. I'm loving my body & working towards a sustainable body, the healthy way.

Persistance will set you free.
hippy_chick
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:51 am

Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby Indi3 » Thu Aug 07, 2008 10:18 am

Hey Hippy Chick

Well one for being strong yesterday. And your doing great with the healing feet and keeping up with exercise..

How many days until you go to Greece?

Have a great day.. you are in control, you will reach your goal!

Indi :wink:
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Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby hippy_shake » Thu Aug 07, 2008 11:00 am

Hey hippy chick,
Just read your post about the frustration of binging but feeling out of control and I think everyone can identify with it on some level. I know I went through that a lot other times when I tried to lose weight, and also this time at the start, and I think to some extent it will always be there for me. There will always be temptations like chocolate etc and it will be a constant battle to avoid them when I have weak moments, but being healthy and loosing weight is what I choose, every time I make a healthy choice instead of succumbing to a binge it reaffirms in my head how much I want this, and that I am going to achieve it!!
There are a few things that really helped me,

>firstly EWQ's mantra; "Food has always been there, and food will always be there" As I thought about this statement it really hit home, like what on earth was I trying to achieve by eating all this food?? And you know what? as I remembered past indulgences I can honestly say that I was never satisfied, NEVER! So what was the point in eating all this food that was never going to fully satisfy me, and that was taking me away from what I really desired- to be at a healthy weight and feel good about myself.

>Secondly, exercise has really helped me- now I eat to fuel my body and enable it to run, swim, cycle, etc. I eat so that I can function, not just for pleasure or to relieve stress, because that doesn't work! And it also helped realising that this 400calorie slice of cake equates to many many hours at the gym, so just having more information about what I was eating helped me to make better choices.

>Thirdly, DISTRACTION! I found that most of the time it was just being bored, so instead of eating I now go for a walk, spend a lot of time on this and the CK forum :P And talking to other people about how you're going with your weight loss is also good. If I've just been talking to my fiance about how far I swam or whatever I'm much more likely to be strong and not eat junk food, or drink alcohol- because it reaffirms in my mind how important my goals are to me.

But overall, I don't think the solution to binging is a quick fix, its a gradual process where you find out whats going to work for you :) Just thought some suggestions of what worked for me might possibly help. Hope all is going well today :)
Love, Jane
Jane :)

SW:80- 21/05/08
CW:68.5
GW:60

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Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby hippy_chick » Thu Aug 14, 2008 8:26 am

Hi Jane (Hippy Shake)

Thanks so much for your post. It was comforting, and made sense. So true as well 'What exactly was a I trying to achieve by eating all this food?' EXACTLY!! You just get yourself into a silly mess that you have to work hard to get out of, damn it!!

Hehe.

Well I have been absent for a little while due to business over the birthday weekend and also my laptop being AWOL for a while, but I am back.

The birthday weekend was fun, but I did induldge, and only lost 200g this week, which is nothing. I still haven't even lost a kilo.

I had an epiphany the other day though. It's such an OBVIOUS thing though, one can hardly call it an epiphany, but there it is. All this time, I have been so hell-bent on 'doing this the healthy way' - which still remains a good thing, of course - but I completely failed to grasp the fact that to LOSE EXCESS weight, you need to not just adopt a healthy lifestyle/diet that will enable you to maintain, you actually need to work HARDER for a while, to lose the excess weight put on!

I have just been about eating healthily and eating well. I have been maintaining, which is fantastic, as it reaffirms that I can have a healthy diet with treats included and maintain my diet (I have been crazy binging - the stuff that made me put on the weight - for ages), however I have for the most part not really been doing anything EXTRA to shed the extra kilos.

It's simple, I realised. Forgive me, I can see this is obvious. I need to live each day at the moment in such a way that I am using more kilojoules than I put in. I need to cut back on portion sizes, really watch the calorie content, and need to exercise, to give myself more to work with. Having only realised this recently, I think I will be able to tackle this more effectively.

The GREAT thing is that while my lifestyle will be restricted, or a little more demanding while trying to lose, this isn't a life sentence. I can put the extra hard work in, and then maintain a healthy lifestyle. I have learnt a lot about maintaining, and I have done it before, when I have found the right balance between food and exercise.

So anyway, I have been doing ok. I have been eating alright, although chocolate and sweets are still my main downfall. I am eating healthy breakfasts lunches and dinners, but the chocky and sweets and still creeping in. On top of that have not been exercising. The foot is ok now probably, but the weather has been crap too. I was thinking I might joing a gym for the last months of my time over here. I haven't had a great track record with gyms because I prefer sports but I reckon I can stay focused for 3 months and fit it into my mornign routine. Plus the weather is getting colder over here and the memories of the rainy and freezing days are coming back and I know I won't want to /be able to go outside, which is going to make losing the excess harder work, I'd have to be stricter on the food intake and I'd rather just exercise and not staarrrve myself!!!.

Well thats it for today. Will get back into the food reporting tomorrow.
Slow & Steady Wins the Race!

I'm imformed, committed & consistant. I'm loving my body & working towards a sustainable body, the healthy way.

Persistance will set you free.
hippy_chick
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:51 am

Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby hippy_shake » Thu Aug 14, 2008 8:35 am

Hey,
I think thats a great idea to join the gym- it really cuts back the amount of excuses we use so that we can't exercise, and maybe if you join one with group fitness classes it might give you a reason to go more if you like them :)
All the best,
Jane
Jane :)

SW:80- 21/05/08
CW:68.5
GW:60

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Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby hippy_chick » Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:40 pm

Right people - it's epiphany time again. You know you love it!

So I was walking along yesterday, feeling well chuffed that I had dropped another few hundred grams, and in general feeling great. Isn't that interesting? I am at 69-point-something, a good nine kilos above my goal, and representing a scale number that would, if it had been my highest ever, promote catastrophic distress. You may think that I would still be feeling a little depressed about that, but the opposite is true, which is when I suddenly realised (drum roll) that the weight loss caper is fun. Granted, it would be more fun if we didn't have to worry about it at all, but the fact is, you don't have to envision your weight-loss journey as some torturous and boring and shameful period of time, one that will be hell until you reach your goal. If you are like me, you feel brilliant with each kilo shed (I admit I think you do need to lose at least that first stubborn kilo or so before you feel you might be getting somewhere), even if you are still (temporarily) sitting at a weight you don't desire to stay at (just visiting thanks, can't stay long!).

That was my epiphany for yesterday, and I took great delight in it!!

Yesterday I had a pretty shitty day. I got to work and my manager/friend started sending me these weird emails saying 'work really hard today, can't tell you why, but please please do it and you must delete these emails but trust me!' and so on and so on with the high drama. I am a temp at my current job and like in every industry, our company is also under strain. So obviously I think 'ok so they're monitoring me because I'm skating' (on thin ice, that is). A colleague had brought back these deliciously dreamy chocolate coated macadamias from Dubai and I emotionally scoffed about 5 of them. But oh they were good. I enjoyed every morsel.

Didn't beat myself up about that, because I knew I could just be careful for the rest of the day and I hadn't used up all the cash in my bank of kilojoules. Ate on the run at lunch though, grabbed a healthy wrap but I ate the WHOLE thing insted of half, when I know for a fact that half always fills me up. I felt very full after, naughty.

By the end of the day, two of my colleagues had been 'let go' - there were tears and tantrums, and I also learned that as a temp, my job is on the line. My manager/friend had more info and was going to tell me, but I said she should not. So, this is really quite yuck because I wanted to work there until I leave in December, to get as much experience as possbile, and it can be really hard finding work here - I need the money. Anyway fast-forward to when I got off the train and had made up my mind to have a blow out of something unhealthy (mind saying "I deserve it!") I was going to have chocolate, and a pre-packaged frozen pizza, or one of those pasta and sauce things. Ok wait.

Several things happened then.

1) I paused to try and think about my mindset of what I was thinking then, pre binge, in regards to the consequences. I think I pin-pointed the problem. At the moment of the onset of the binge/the time you conceive the brilliant idea to eat your weight in crap, you really don't give a toss about wrecking your diet. I believe my exact thoughts were, 'I don't care if I go back to 70, I'll get it off later'. In that moment, you seem to just want your food, you want it to release the serotonin, you want to feel good. It's like you're a drug addict and you don't care and can't see the consequences or the potential damages, you just want your fix.

2) I think had a magic moment, just as I was deciding on the frozen pizza. I thought about what food I could eat that I would enjoy, but that wasn't completely junky! Brilliant idea! Alternatives to junk. The alternatives may not ne strictly 'diet' foods but they are better than the full-strength junk. I have cut out pasta/rice at dinner - so a dish like spaghetti bol would have been a treat really. But I think the key is preparing your food in a way that you are pampering yourself. So, I picked up some mushrooms, capsicum, ham, low fat mozzarella, tinned pineapple and pita bread, and some Cadbury light hot choc sachets, and I made myself some pizza. It was very therapeutic actually. Much more so than taking a pizza out of a box and putting it in the oven. I felt so much better for that choice.

The thing about choosing more healthy alternatives too, rather than fully fledged junk, is that in your mind you have succeeded, you haven't 'fallen off the wagon again', you haven't failed, again; you've done something positive and your positive mindset is still very much in tact, in fact it is stronger than before. And then at the end of it all you feel much more satisfied and you haven't missed out on anything. That is where I confess that I also had a spoonful of Nutella and a little handful of dark chocolate choc-bits as well. But, every little helps doesn't it.

This morning I should have gotten up and gone for a walk, but I didn't have the motivation. It's because I have been out of the habit for 2 weeks. I know that I enjoy it so I will just have to get up and do it next time, and get back into the routine.

Today I am having a healthy soup and fruit day.
Slow & Steady Wins the Race!

I'm imformed, committed & consistant. I'm loving my body & working towards a sustainable body, the healthy way.

Persistance will set you free.
hippy_chick
 
Posts: 72
Joined: Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:51 am

Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby hippy_shake » Fri Aug 15, 2008 11:46 pm

Hey,

I love reading your posts!Possibly because I can relate to them heaps!! I had a similar moment of enlightenment about the whole idea of 'treating' yourself with food. I think it followed an episode of eating lots of junk food and chocolate and feeling totally sick afterwards (as I normally would) which got me thinking what kind of treat or reward is this? One that makes you sick afterwards? No thanks!! It made me re-evaluate the things I do and why I do them (which is a huge part of weight loss I think) and instead of treating myself with momentary pleasures like chocolate that made me sick and fat in the long run, I started thinking about what I really like. Since then I can generally think more long term when it comes to treats- I buy myself a magazine, rent a movie, take the time to read a book, or do a face mask- something that really is a treat and makes me feel good without wrecking my efforts :) That was a big turning point in my weight loss journey and I'm glad to hear you took the time to enjoy your culinary experience :)

Hope the job situation works out ok for you :)

Love, Jane
Jane :)

SW:80- 21/05/08
CW:68.5
GW:60

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Re: Hippy Chick's Journal

Postby Strawberry » Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:46 am

HC - you're brilliant! i love reading your post & all the epiphanies you have - all so true & relevant! i have 2 train myself to stop & think before i want 2 stuff myself silly cos i'm feeling emotional.
good on you for making healthy choices - that's what it’s all about.
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