I have read weight loss magazines for years. In all of the inspring stories of weight loss and personal triumph there seem to be light bulb moments. I had mine last night. I walked from my lounge room to my kitchen and caught a glimpse of myself in the sliding door, the angle of the lights had lit it up like a mirror. I honestly had a split second when I thought, Who the hell is that fat women staring back at me? Then I realised who it was. I stared at myself with sadness. Where had I gone?, How did I get here? Five years I was a happy and healthy 66 kilos. Yesterdays I weighed in at 79 not so healthy and perhaps in ways not so happy. There are string of reasons that I could say caused this weight gain; pregnancy, stress, marridge....but really they are all reasons to make me feel better. The answer is much simplier than that...in fact the answer is pure science. I shoved in many more calories than i burnt off.
I allowed myself to wallow for a while in the misery, but then realising that I only had myself to blame, I also realised that only I could change my life around! Ii I had a friend who lied to me like I have been lying to myself for this long, I would have dumped them years ago. So to be true to myself I have to be a good friend to myself. First here are the honset reasons I am over weight.
1. I ate too mucg during my pregnancy, believing that it would all fall off while I breastfed (it didn't!)
2. I kidded myself that because I was going to the gym I could eat the cakes and biscuits and extra large servings without it affecting my weight (I couldn't)
3. I was always starting a diet on Monday so always allowed myself an extra this or that (I never started it)
4. I had not seen myself in my light bulb moment yet (Believe me I saw myself the other day!)
5. Simply I eat too much too often of the wrong things and I never made myself accountable.
However...it is not all doom and gloom. There are a few things going for me! I go to the gym several times a week and am relativley fit and I have lost weight before I know what I have to do and thats why I am grateful that I finally have had the kick up the butt that I needed.
Here are my goals in no particular order;
To slide back into my pre pregnancy jeans that still glare at me from the back of the cupboard everytime I open it
To me within my BMI byt my 31st birthday (11 weeks and counting)
To look great on my belated honeymoon and feel happy in my own skin (January 09)
To not feel sub concious everytime I cross a crowded room of people, who I think are staring at my large arse
To be happy and healthy for my family
To go into my second pregancy at a healthy managable weight
To have my husband touch me without feeling panic of what I percieve him to be feeling and thinking
I am going to do it, I am accountable and I will be successful. I am sick of only being 80% happy and hiding the rest so noone can see it. I want to be the real me that is trapped behind 13kg of unwanted bodyfat. I want to live the great life that I know I am capable of living. Good god I sound like Oprah....but I am pumped for success...watch this space!