Well it was TTOM this week so I'm up to 63.5 kg. I've noticed that my weight has pretty much stabilised at 63kg, going up by half a kilo for the week and a bit around my period and then going back down. I guess I am actually kind of happy with that. I mean - would being half a kilo lighter and 62.5kg really make that much difference? Sometimes I feel a bit ripped off because I feel I eat very, very well, lead an active lifestyle and I really enjoy my exercise so surely I should be losing weight rather than maintaining? But then I guess before this year I had never been below 67kg (since I was about 15) so to be 63kg at my height is actually a massive achievement for me, and obviously something that is going to be a challenge to maintain, which is why I need a weight-loss lifestyle to maintain it! Does that make any sense???
And although I do behave well most of the time, I still have my treats. I have a ~150 cal dessert every night, allow myself a treat meal each week and I hit the wine about every fortnight. So it's not like I eat perfectly clean. If I did, perhaps I would get down to 62kg but would it be worth it? I enjoy spending time with my friends, and I think that food and wine can be a great pleasure when shared with loved ones. Over my journey, I have sacrificed these occassions a fair bit - I have found myself staying in and making a healthy dinner on weekend nights instead of going out and having fun. I don't regret these times, as they were all small steps towards a healthy body, and it was actually very empowering to make that choice. But there is no point in beating myself up over a kilo or half a kilo when I have worked so very hard to look and feel great. I think there have been times throughout this journey when I have gotten close to an eating disorder, and I feel as though I am coming out of that sort of thinking now.
Anyway - thanks for reading my rant!! Next week I want to work on my upper thighs and butt cos these are the only areas I'm not happy with in the mirror!