Rachella's Journey

[Downsizeme]

good on you for recognising the signs..and I know what you mean! So easy to lose track and slip back in to old habits, good luck this week

[waterbaby]

thank you! getting back to it now....

[waterbaby]

Well ....
I have officially not given up! I AM STILL HERE after 2 crappy weeks of emotional stuff and subsequent bad moods and exhaustion.
I have had so many bumps in the road on this journey already!!
My theory now is that I just need to expect them and handle them the best I can without letting go of the steering wheel for too long.
This latest emotional meltdown (the "mother issue") has been the biggest for me and I think I out the other side now,,, maybe
I gained my previous week's loss of 800g but relieved to be still under 100 (now 98.9)
Started tracking again on CK today.

I think it might be good to track my bumps/potholes/speedhumps I come across on this journey to see how many I have overcome.
So if I can remember them all:

1. Getting into the groove - eating strangely, not fully committed and unsure about CK. Challenge - feeling confident that I could do it
2. Girls weekend - needing to take control of what I choose to eat and not feeling deprive. Challenge - being strong in my choices and not deprived
2. Birthday week - DS, Nephew and my own in one week. Ate ok but a little too much cake. Had a gain. Challenge- feeling OK about myself regain
3. Really bad PND - lasted over a week, period was late, thought I was preggas, extremely moody censored. Challenge - feeling OK about myself and not resorting too much to food
4. My mum & the issues - feeling the old pull of the past and letting go. Challenge - being strong to break free, change old habits (long term goal)

I think I will add to this as I go, to help me see what I have got over and not given up. Amazing to me as in the past just 3 days of poor eating will see me having no faith in myself and give up almost without thinking about the decision!

[Downsizeme]

Good idea, recording the signs will serve as a good reminder of what you have overcome, and I hope you have a good week coming up - work hard and life will reward you!

[waterbaby]

OK so after another week, the second of struggle I have recorded another gain

Latest challenge: DH away for half of weekend and left me with kids. All planned and OK that he was going but I still felt very stretched, annoyed, a little resentful to be honest and under-loved. I ate bacon sandwiches and a whole block of chocolate, which is the most I have crumbled since the beginning of thsi journey.

I know this is yet another potential give-up trigger as the gains have really got me down, but hopefully I can find the strength I need to carry on.
Off to the pool soon. Ugh, need a big push though,...

[miss_viva]

Hey Rachella,

How's everything going for you this week? Don't give up, just put any little slipups behind you and move on. I hope you're feeling better now

[Downsizeme]

Hey there, don't give up...you can do it! Just get back on track

[HappyGirl83]

I agree with the girls, take a deep breath and don't give up!!

[waterbaby]

Have discovered a few more things...
My 4th week of my cycle - day 26 until day 3 or 4 of my period, can be really tough for me. I tend to get edgy, emotional and very tired.
That means I want to eat more comforting food and I am tired and feel less like excercising. At least I know when this is going to happen, but I am not sure what I am going to do about in the future. I am now taking evening primose oil which will hopefully help me get through. I am also hoping that with my ongoing weight loss my PMT wont be so bad...

Had anyone else discovered this and how do they deal with it? perhaps I should post this as a new thread...
rach

[waterbaby]

WOW this is definitely the toughest thing I have ever ever ever done/
Today was tough.
I have used many excuses not to exercise and then ate like a crazy women yesterday. Big birthday bash for MIL plus another party. I ate everything from chocmud cake, to mcdonalds fries & grand angus, wine and party food. Holy moly I felt like crap.
And then this morning I got on the scales! I didnt want to. DH decided I needed to face up and not keep skipping weeks when I was stressed about gaining.
But censored - my gain is enormous.
2.5 kgs.
I was happy, so so happy with reaching almost a 7 kilo loss and now.... well I guess i just feel this is a 3 steps forward 2 steps back journey for me.

But here I am, not as angry now, but mellow and a little sad.
The important thing is to learn from his.

I ate the birthday cake (mud) cos it looked so good and everyone else was. I ate the mcd's cos we were on the road at dinner time before party and hungry and after all, I never eat that stuff....then the party.....
When I am at parties that I am obliged to be at and stay at I EAT. I need to learn from that. I was at MIL's 60th filled with cackling 60 year old friends and rellies and I want to go home at 9.30. But as we felt we should stay being close rels and all and I was bored, I ate and drank 3 glasses of wine. Wine does not agree - it makes me tired, peckish and then I feel fluey the next day. I grazed all night on food that wasnt even that yummy and felt sick.
So today I feel sick & seedy and I am suffering the consequences.

My plan is to weigh tom morning and see if it is for real, the get back to it...
So hard, but I need to suck it up
seeya
xoxo

[Downsizeme]

Awww you poor bugger...what a brave thing to do, to come in here and be hoest about all that - that's a huge step and I have no doubt you will go on to lose that gain, plus more.

To make you feel better, I will tell you about what I did yesterday. I must have been absolutely off my head but I have been following masterchef and last week they did mini jam donuts from a sweet batter. Yesterday I decided to make these. I don't know why but my husband thought his ship had come in (as he is constantly bemoaning the fact that since I have started a weight loss program, HE is starving ) Anywayyy..I made them, and I had one striaght out of the fryer, it was hot and covered in cinammon sugar. It was heaven. Then I proceeded to eat about 8 more of them, all in all I would say I hate about the equivalent of 6 full size jam donuts. I just couldn't stop, had a crazy afternoon..my husbad had a couple and then I finally ate the last two. Then, I felt sick. I mean, really sick. I had a hard knot in my upper stomach and I knew I was going to be sick. I threw up for almost an hour. I put it down to my body just not ebing used to that much fat/sugar anymore but man, was I ever sick and grossed out by myself and the donuts.

BUT, today I can laugh about it. I got up this morning, put it behind me and got back on track. I had a good healthy day and I could feel my digestive system thanking me for not abusing it anymore. It was a blip in the grand scheme of things, but you CAN'T let these things ruin all of the hard work you have put in.

Get back on track, no matter how hard it seems, and you will get there.

[Downsizeme]

excuse all the spelling mistakes, obviously need to proofread before hitting send..

[Downsizeme]

Oh, and I still had enough batter left in the fridge for about 20 more donuts, I threw it out when I got up this morning

[waterbaby]

Hello and THANK YOU so much downsizeme!
Just what I needed to hear - sharing your story made me laugh. You are right you need to laugh at yourself sometimes and just move on. In the past I would have DEFINITELY quit right now. I need so much to push myself back onto the path I was on. I had an OK day re calories and did water aerobics. I felt the heaviness though and noticed my fitness is not as good. I need to forget about teh numbers for now and concentrate on doing by best.
I need to let go that I had nearly reached 7 kilos lost and now it is only a meagre 4.1.... OMG

Not giving up, even though I feel very very shaken up, and would love the Black Forest cake they just made on Masterchef!!!
Love that show, but man it puts bad ideas into my head!!
Thanks again
Rach
xoxo

[Downsizeme]

No worries Rach - I knew my pain would confort someone (j/k!) I know! The black forrest cake..oh my, one of my all time favourite desserts..I decided against making one though

You'll be fine, onwards and upwards as they say!!! Have a great day!

Serena