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My emotional return

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My emotional return

Postby Julz » Tue Mar 16, 2010 9:38 pm

I don't really want to be here, I shouldn't be here but yet I am. I had to start a new thread because my previous thread is just to hard to deal with. A couple of weeks ago I was pregnant and feeling on top of the world. Now my world has coming crashing down after my beautiful baby boy was stillborn just 10 days ago. I am desperately yearning to fall pregnant again and to give my body the best chances of concieving and my baby the best chances I need to lose weight. After losing my baby I have lost a lot of weight just from grief and having no apetite, I'm the lightest I have been in years by my heart is so heavy the weight loss means nothing.

I need something healthy to focus on to distract me and well this is it. I have set myself some goals and I am more focused than ever, failure is not an option. I am currently 99.7kg, finally under 100 wish I could be happy about that. My goals are:

1st goal: 88kg- No longer obese, in overweight category bmi 30 deadline 25 April
2nd goal: 73.7kg- No longer overweight, but normal bmi 25
Final goal: 60kg- bmi 21

My goal for tomorrow is to eat a bit more, drink lots of water and at least 1 hr exercise
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Re: My emotional return

Postby miss_viva » Tue Mar 16, 2010 9:54 pm

Julz,

I am so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how difficult this time has been for you. Don't be scared to reach out to your family, friends and others if you feel like you need some extra support right now.

I've never been in this situation and I don't pretend to know what you be feeling and experiencing. Please be kind to yourself during this time, and try not to push yourself too hard. It's great that you want to continue to get healthier, but please make sure that you have discussed your plans with a qualified medical practitioner. I hope that you don't feel as though I am lecturing you by saying that, as I am honestly thinking of you and your best interests.

Perhaps instead of giving yourself stict deadlines, you should focus on just becoming generally healthier and making small and realistic changes. You have stated that you are currently at 99.7kgs and you have nominated April 25th as your deadline to be at 88kgs. That is almost 12kgs in a little over a month Julz, and while I think it's great that you want to lose weight and become healthier, 12kgs in that time frame is so unrealistic. Again, I am honestly not trying to criticise you, I just think that you need to reasses your goals and focus on taking care of yourself and your emotional state right now. Perhaps your goals for April could be something like you have outlined above: like going for a gentle walk (30-60 mins) a day, drinking more water, and getting your eating back on track.

*hugs* Once again, I am so sorry for your loss, and I wish you all the best. I'm here if you need anything.
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Re: My emotional return

Postby Julz » Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:33 pm

Thanks for your concern miss viva. I feel like this is something i have to do right here and right now and that I am running out of time. I have spent countless hours researching trying to find out why this happened its all I can do until I can hopefully get some answers from the specialist. The things I read scare the hell out of me. I'm more likely to have stillborn baby if I am obese, if I have a history of it, and as my age increases, there it is 3 out of 3 strikes. Its like there is only one thing I can control there, my weight, I'm not growing any younger and I have to get my weight down. I will talk to the specialist and my GP when I have my appointments regarding the weightloss but as you can imagine I don't have much faith in the medical profession at the moment.

I think for me 12kg in 6 weeks is realistic, its only 2kg a week and I've done it in the past whilst eating healthy and exercising so I am hoping I can do it again. I know I have to start eating properly, its been affecting me lately I have been having dizzy spells so I am going to have to force myself to eat. Also the last thing I want is for my lack of nutrition to affect my fertilty. I think I will try to give myself a week or so to get back on track food wise then head back to calorie king to make sure I am eating enough. I know its probably not the best example but you see people on the biggest loser dropping 12kg a week or so and other ridiculous amounts so it seems completely do able without having to overdo it in 6 weeks if you get what I mean.
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Re: My emotional return

Postby Sassyt » Wed Mar 17, 2010 12:53 am

Ahhh Julz I feel very bad for the news about your baby, really I am so so sorry :( . All I can do is to wish you good luck with every good thing you wish for yourself. When I first read your post I honestly felt exactly the way Miss_Viva felt. I immediately worried that if you dont reach your goals as pre-set you might just fall over the edge and experience worst feelings of failure and maybe want to give it all up @ the same time I understand your point of view as well. I completely feel your determination and I hope you do reach your goals as you wish but then again if you dont and only if you dont just dont give up atleast you'd be half way there and you'd be on the right track health wise...

If ever you need to share your sadness and your pain we will be here for you...

***hugs*** we love you so much and you will go thru this, and when its passed it would be just another bad memory

Keep well & best of luck!
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Re: My emotional return

Postby Aylilth » Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:30 am

I am so sorry for the loss.

I just wannted to give you big interwebz hugs.
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Re: My emotional return

Postby Julz » Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:44 am

Thanks guys :)

I'm not worried about feelings of failure if I don't meet my goal, because a. I won't fail and b. If I do I'm sure I will be much closer to my goals and the feeling of failure is nothing compared to the other feelings I have now.

Started off better today, I ate breakfast for the first time in 2 weeks, it was only a little bit of yoghurt and a sneaky spoonfull of nutella and I feel sick after eating it but better than nothing I suppose. Now to get started on the water and exercise. I have to take the kids to school/preschool soon and have the day to myself so I'm going to dig out the good old wii fit and give that a go for now, don't feel much like going out and facing the world so will just exercise at home for now.
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Re: My emotional return

Postby miss_viva » Wed Mar 17, 2010 9:41 am

Julz wrote:you see people on the biggest loser dropping 12kg a week or so and other ridiculous amounts so it seems completely do able without having to overdo it in 6 weeks if you get what I mean.


I understand where you are going with the above comment, and how shows like TBL can make huge losses every week seem realistic. HOWEVER, you have to keep in mind that these are tv shows, and not everything is how it seems. These shows are filmed in advance, and are filmed over a period of months. "One week" in Biggest Loser time might actually be two weeks in reality. They manipulate the time to make the losses seem more impressive. I'm not saying that these people aren't going out and losing huge amounts of weight, just that things aren't always as they seem and it may not have been during one week. Prior contestants have admitted that this is the case, and there is a discussion about this somewhere over on TBL forums. Also keep in mind that TBL is an extreme weightloss show, and that these people have access to personal trainers, the best equiptment, and dieticians round the clock. It's not sustainable to exercise for 6 hours a day while eating such a restricted amount of calories. That is why you see some people regain the weight after they have completed their stint on the show.

Julz wrote:I have spent countless hours researching trying to find out why this happened its all I can do until I can hopefully get some answers from the specialist. The things I read scare the hell out of me. I'm more likely to have stillborn baby if I am obese, if I have a history of it, and as my age increases, there it is 3 out of 3 strikes.


Julz, I know that this is such a difficult time, but you really have to try not to blame yourself for this. I know it's so much easier to say than do, but it's true. While you may have these risk factors, it doesn't necessarily mean that these are what caused you to lose your baby. Try to remember that there have been so many slim and young women who have suffered from miscarriages/stillborn babies, just as there have been older and overweight mothers who have had perfectly healthy babies. Again, I really hope that I don't come across as insensitive in saying this, but perhaps this was just natures way of saying that something just wasn't quite right with the pregnancy. It's nothing that you could have done to prevent, so please don't beat yourself up over this.

Julz wrote:I feel like this is something i have to do right here and right now and that I am running out of time.


I think that after you go and see the specialist again, you'll know more about this. You really have to take care of yourself now and not push your body too much, as it has been through a difficult event physically. I think it's really important to get your body as healthy as it can be, before you think about trying to conceive again. That means getting your eating back to normal, and exercising without overdoing it. I am a firm believer that things happen when the time is right, so try not to stress out about running out of time. Easier said than done, I know. Again, focus on just making small and realistic changes, but please don't beat yourself up if you don't happen to lose 12kgs by April 25th. That will not make you a failure. Instead, think about how healthy your body is becoming, and not so much on the numbers. I honestly still believe that 2kgs a week over 6 weeks IS unrealistic... but you may lose some bigger numbers in the first couple of weeks into your plan, as that tends to be the case usually. Use this as motivation to continue eating well, but please don't get hung up on the 12kgs. Any loss is a step in the right direction :)

Take care of yourself.
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Re: My emotional return

Postby HappyGirl83 » Wed Mar 17, 2010 9:22 pm

I'm so sorry hun BIG HUGS from me
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Re: My emotional return

Postby sarahm » Thu Mar 18, 2010 7:49 am

dear julz.*hugs*
with all due respect to the advice offered here , and the good intentions of everyone, it seems no-one has personally experienced the loss of a child.
unfortunately some of the comments are cringe-worthy, and well ....
julz as someone who has experienced this devastation first hand, i have sent you a p.m.
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Re: My emotional return

Postby miss_viva » Thu Mar 18, 2010 9:43 am

sarahm wrote:with all due respect to the advice offered here , and the good intentions of everyone, it seems no-one has personally experienced the loss of a child.
unfortunately some of the comments are cringe-worthy, and well ....


Given that I am basically the only person here who has tried to offer advice, I have to assume that the above comment is directed towards me.

miss_viva wrote:I've never been in this situation and I don't pretend to know what you be feeling and experiencing. Please be kind to yourself during this time, and try not to push yourself too hard. It's great that you want to continue to get healthier, but please make sure that you have discussed your plans with a qualified medical practitioner.


Julz, I apologise to you if anything I have posted has been "cringe-worthy" or insensitive. I did state the above, and I am sorry if anyone else has found my comments to be inappropriate. They were made with good intentions, and with your best interests in mind. This is not the time or place to discuss this further though.

Again, I am sorry Julz, and I hope you are doing ok in this difficult time. *hugs*
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Re: My emotional return

Postby Sassyt » Thu Mar 18, 2010 11:21 pm

I would never say anything to undermine anyone's abilities and purposes, I just felt so sorry for the loss of Julz's baby and thought I should assure her that everything will be okey in time also made sure to assure her that wheather she achieves her goals or not it okey and she is still on her healthy way and by not achieving her goals (if ever) she must not give up.

I'd like to offer my apologies if I possibly came across as insensitive. I haven't lost a child but I certainly can imagine how it feels like.

Again Im sorry
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Re: My emotional return

Postby ali76 » Fri Mar 19, 2010 1:39 pm

Julz....hun, I'm so sorry. As somone who is TTC atm, I couldn't even begin to imagine your pain.

Please give yourself time to mourn and your body and heart to try to heal.

What state are you in hun?

If you need anything at all, please let us know.

Lots of love
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Re: My emotional return

Postby Downsizeme » Sun Mar 21, 2010 1:30 pm

My heart goes out to you - best of luck xxx
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I started this journey on Feb 2 2010 and though I would like to be a size 5 by June, I am prepared to accept that it might take a bit longer :D

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Re: My emotional return

Postby sarahm » Mon Mar 22, 2010 7:56 am

i need to apologise for the way i posted the other day-everyone here is so lovely and i must have unresolved issues myself for being so rude, i am very sorry. :(
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Re: My emotional return

Postby Julz » Mon Mar 22, 2010 7:42 pm

Thanks for all the well wishes and your thoughts ladies, its appreciated. I'm not going to go into too much details about my baby here, I've joined a support group with other women who have experienced this sort of loss and I'm working through stuff there. I just want to keep this thread for my new weightloss journey but couldn't not mention our baby boy.

Anyway....

I'm still very keen to lose this weight, my losses have slowed down a lot which is probably a good thing thats because I am eating a lot more now. I have seen a specialist today and he has advised me not to try to fall pregnant yet, not until after a regular monthly cycle. So my plan is to drop as much weight as I can before this time which will hopefully be in 2-3 weeks. Then after my monthlies I'll eat maintenence calories until I see how things pan out with pregnancy then reassess depending on where I'm at.

Currently weighing about 98kg, haven't done any exercise apart from today walking about 50 mins and 5 mins jumping on the kids trampoline- boy did i feel that lol. Going to ramp up the exercise over the next couple of weeks.
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