Wow Lis, I had a similar up bringing with food. My brothers were footy players so were encouraged to eat alot, but they forgot about the rest of the family, so I stacked it on, and was then criticised for being "fat".
My own mother used to say the most horrible things to me. She would force me to show her where the clothes sat on me outside of change rooms, so I would be forced to lift up my shirt and show off my tummy. She knew I hated it and I guess she just didn't care.
I have struggled with my weight my whole life. After high school, I lost about 20kgs, through bad dieting and alot of exercise. I was about 75kgs and that is the smallest I have been during my adult life. Then I had my kids and now I am up to 105kgs, my highest weight being 109.7kgs (115 when pregnant with my last child).
I am very short too so I understand what you mean when you say every kg shows up.
Counselling is a great idea, or better yet, how about a nutritionist? Or a dietician. They take everything you have been programmed to know about food, and change it into workable and doable eating plans and exercise programs.
I have half of my body weight to lose so I have a fair way to go, but I wish you all the best on your weightloss journey.