Was about to put this in my personal diary but aspects of it are weight related so I figured it might as well go here... plus it's easier to type than use a pen... So here goes my first negative entry
I'm in a pretty "bleh" mood right now, have been since the afternoon. There was absolutely no reason for it, - nothing's happened, everything's fine... It was just some sort of chemical imbalance thingy... but this is something that has happened to me only a handful of times EVER in my life... so I guess I've never learned how to deal with it very well. Minus the influence of actual events my mood is usually at a very solid "upbeat" setting day in day out... I've never even noticed a change in my mood at that time of the month.
But, today was one of those rare occurences and of course, I messed up
. I was out shopping, and all the things that I've been finding relatively easy to say "no" to the last few weeks all started to call to me in a much more forceful and persistive manner... long story short I ate two massive cookies and then a healthwise "OK" dinner but much too much of it and now I'm feeling bloated and gross. I'm not looking forward to stepping on the scale tomorrow, I can "feel" that I'm much heavier than I was this morning!
It's not even so much what I ate and what it's done though... it's 1) that I actually WAS craving all this crap, badly, when I thought I was done with that, and 2) my attitude
in the decision to eat it ... I mean over the last few weeks there's been times when I ALLOWED myself to eat something bad or too much of something, but it was "OK" because I felt totally in control those times... I wasn't giving in to a craving so much as just enjoying something yummy when it came along.
This morning I was thinking about how I've lost pretty much the same amount of weight as I did this time last year now (I started a little lighter than 79 then) and I was trying to recall how it fell apart that time. I knew it was a mental thing, but just couldn't understand how I could've let my feelings translate into giving up... it seemed soooooooo silly to good-mood-me ... now it seems totally understandable
Lack of sleep might be a contributing factor... only got about 3 and a half hours last night... but again, lack of sleep is not usually enough to throw me from my regular mood. Still, I'm going to go get a good night right now. I should've drunk more water yesterday and today too... that prob would have helped with the bloated feeing...
Well, anyway... thanks for reading if you did. Hopefully back to regular, upbeat and "confident I can do this" me by the next entry!