it's so hard not to get despondent. I haven't even told people at work because it's too stressful talking about it. I am keeping a positive face on at home though, I guess I believe that you might as well be positive because being negative about it won't change anything and makes you feel worse.
Okay, so yesterday I had a 1000 cal deficit, today was 880. I did a Powerhour class tonight which I enjoy a lot. Lots of running and skipping which are my downfalls. I tried not to realise that I was the most overweight person in the group and that my face looked like a beetroot but anyhooo... next time I will try to just do a little more and keep pushing myself.
Something that's really bugging me though is the trainers giving me compliments. Last night we were doing weights and I know that my technique is good because it's something that I used to work on quite a bit, no shoulders up, good posture etc. The trainer was like 'oh Kelly, you're great, your technique is perfect!" Then tonight with boxing ''so you've obviously done a heap of boxing before, I can tell by the way you are punching" I just wanted to crawl into my shell both times. I don't need to be told that I am good, I need someone to say, 'you are still fat and two classes ain't gonna change that, you turning up next week flubber?"
I just don't know, I know they are being nice. I don't want to be nice to myself anymore. I had to imagine my fitter self in the spin section tonight, it was torture on my thighs after squats and lunges yesterday...
Hope everyone is doing well. I have a thread happening on twitter... I've tried the blogging before and it didn't work. Add me, i'm dwindlingaway