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Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

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Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Sun Apr 29, 2012 11:04 am

Brief:
Ex duromine junkie! Was on and off it for 5years maintaining a tidy 55-59kgs - tidy but very very unhealthy.

After a breakdown from a relationship I finally just stopped caring about my weight (ex bulimic) and essentially sat hiding in the dark for almost a year - living off chocolate. Food became the only thing that remotely brung happiness... I'd never understood before how "ppl could let themselves get SO fat" and now I get it - competely! When I see obese ppl i don't think "oh yuk" instead I wonder what happened to them to make them how they are....I feel sad for them...I spent a long time feeling sad for me.

I went from someone that weighed-in compulsively to never weighing in (I simply just got so worn out from obsessing about my weight - its not a way to live...starving/vomting just to get the numbers down this surge of happiness when I got to 52kgs (under my bmi) only to be filled just as fast with dread/anxiety at the day ahead and trying at all costs to avoid food).

Timeline:
- Addicted to duromine (5yrs)
- Deep depression (1.5yrs)
- Now - out of the 'dark' - 12weeks into clean-eating and exercising - no pills! no quick fixes!

Firstly my diary isn't about sitting here feeling sorry about myself - it's not a 'im starting' or a 'I'm gonna' it simple 'IS'. I acknowledge I had an addiction to phetermine I acknowledge that that addiction contributed to my spiral decline and ruined relationships I acknowledge that for a year I was deeply depressed - debilitating so and closer to death then I have ever been. And finally I acknowledge that I FORGIVE myself, that I needed that year to just stop focusing on WEIGHT to stop it running my LIFE!

Within 4months of my 'darkness' I went from 57kgs to 80 something (more then what I weighed when I was pregs!) The fatter I got the more I wanted to avoid ppl/the shops incase ppl I knew seen me fat..less then perfect - I was underso much pressure to maintain - pressure I put on myself and real pressure - Goldcoast isnt full of beautiful women for no reason!

To avoid shops id go drive through fast food outlets so I didnt have to see ppl... I'd run in and out of local shops doing chocolate runs cause I was shamed to shop at the one beacause 'they' would know how much choc/junk I was living off ect - I could easily have a block of choc for breaky and then again by mid day.....

Making matters worse my ex is a pro-bodybuilder (great) and my new bf is a (personal trainer) ...extra great haha just more pressure to be fit enough to be 'worthy' of them :? (*pressure again i'm putting on myself - irrational)

Lets get back on track here - I want this diary to be postive - I keep a hardcopy diary but I like that this is interactive - i would love to make friends that understand... hate being alone or having to keep secrets cos of judgements =) I will post photos of progress along the way - just figuring out how to work all this!
Mostly this diary for me so if anyone reads it it may be a bit boring sorry, lots of food and exercise logs ect

my first weighin 12weeks ago was a shocking (for me..remember I wouldnt let myself get above 59cause I considered that fat) was 82.9kgs now I weight 72.7 kgs....I have such a long way to go but at least its progess and I'm doing it the right way which makes me proud! I'm 28 and a mummy of 1 (five year old).
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby weightyissue2012 » Sun Apr 29, 2012 12:03 pm

All I get from your entry is positive vibes!!! Like you've said maybe we need that deep depression/sadness to make us wake up to ourselves and realise what we are doing. I totally understand the quick shops, but what I would do is use the self check-outs, my basket would be full of junk food, lollies, chocolate, chips etc. And if anyone didn't see it then it was OK, and I could eat it all and normally in one sitting! GOSH how things have changed.

I look forward to reading your posts, and happy to be a FB buddy - I've subscribed to a lot of people off FB who I find very insperational, reading their posts and viewing their pics make me want to succeed and perhaps if you keep writing the way you do, you might rub off on me to :p

AJ
Small steps... AND... POOF! Weight gone :)

GOALS:
9.6.12 = 110kg


MY JOURNAL: viewtopic.php?f=40&t=30064

RECIPES:
Choc-Banana Muffins: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=30080
Oven Baked Muesli: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=30101


http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/w4Tx7uW/
Image
weightyissue2012
 
Posts: 75
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:02 am
Location: Country, NSW

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Sun Apr 29, 2012 1:00 pm

Yay thanks AJ

haha yep those self checkouts are the WORST ever haha!
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Retire_The_Fat » Sun Apr 29, 2012 2:03 pm

Oh, I understand those 'different shops so well! Not wanting to be noticed so they dont remember you but knowing that going in buying chocs...pretending it's like 1 for each of the family!...looking my size didn't foola nyone :(

Love your personal insight and wish you well on your journey :)
Image

๑۩12 WEEK CHALLENGER۩๑
Currently: 93.9K
Start of challenge: 98.6
①97K: ②96.6K: ③96.3: ④95.6:⑤96.1:
⑥94.5: ⑦94.3: ⑧ 93.9: ⑨: ⑩:⑪: ⑫:
Pledge for week 10: NO excuses!
Retire_The_Fat
 
Posts: 294
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:22 pm
Location: Western Australia

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Sun Apr 29, 2012 3:36 pm

Retire_The_Fat wrote:Oh, I understand those 'different shops so well! Not wanting to be noticed so they dont remember you but knowing that going in buying chocs...pretending it's like 1 for each of the family!...looking my size didn't foola nyone :(

Love your personal insight and wish you well on your journey :)



Yep!!! Know its awful but so glad you 'get' it! my bf wld be mortified if he new what i would eat in massive binges!!! You'd have to like talk yourself into believe your shopping for a 'party' or buy food you didnt want (Like healthy stuff) just to hide the chocie under! I DO NOT miss those days --- clean eating...having energy is the best...and even better is having some effing control!! ;)
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Sun Apr 29, 2012 3:56 pm

Start picci - sorry to shame to do a full knickers one here!! haha maybe when I have my hot bod! (note the when...not the if! ;) ) will post a piccie at the end of may - same out fit to compare differences....aim to lose 4kgs for month of May.

[IMG=http://img856.imageshack.us/img856/3097/1204270818001.jpg][/IMG]

Uploaded with ImageShack.us
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Sun Apr 29, 2012 4:09 pm

Not sure how to edit - but here is an embedded view

Hold the fat mostly in my waist, hips and thighs (good baby making genes if you hold it there apparently :P) boobies are fake so dont expect to see much loss there...but everywhere else is welcome!! :P to shame to bikini ones...but i did take some for my own records and MAybe if im brave enough when i reach my goal weight will post!

Image


Image

Uploaded with ImageShack.us
Uploaded with ImageShack.us
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Retire_The_Fat » Sun Apr 29, 2012 10:06 pm

I've done a 'before' pic but wont show it till I'm happy that I'm doing well enough to post a 'now' pic 1/2 way
Image

๑۩12 WEEK CHALLENGER۩๑
Currently: 93.9K
Start of challenge: 98.6
①97K: ②96.6K: ③96.3: ④95.6:⑤96.1:
⑥94.5: ⑦94.3: ⑧ 93.9: ⑨: ⑩:⑪: ⑫:
Pledge for week 10: NO excuses!
Retire_The_Fat
 
Posts: 294
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:22 pm
Location: Western Australia

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Mon Apr 30, 2012 1:50 pm

Retire_The_Fat wrote:I've done a 'before' pic but wont show it till I'm happy that I'm doing well enough to post a 'now' pic 1/2 way


Yep thats understandable.
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Mon Apr 30, 2012 2:08 pm

Okay so I'm heaps excited to start the May challenge with a few of the girls tomorrow....even though i've been eating clean for 12 weeks - it feels like another fresh start to commit myself to (I get bored easily so its all about mind-games for me!)

I have my new flavour of protein (still have half of my other one left - rocky road so can switch it up if I start to get bored).

Main aims for may:
- 1kgs loss per week
- increase water intake
- continue with Fatburner walks (FBW)
- continue with Tuesday Tummy Butt Theigh (TBT) class, Wednesdays Step class and Fridays Latin Fusion class

Tecniques for when I get hungry
- Read
- jump on to these forums
- have a nice hot bath
- clean the house (extra cal burning ;))
- go to the beach
- drink more water
---- IF im absolutely starving - I'll just have another protein drink as a snack cause they are so fulling!

I do have an event coming up in June - but my weightloss isnt just for that event so I don't want to add more pressure to myself - it's uncessary - i'm the first to admit i'm doing great. Commitment and clean-eating mean more to me then the number on the scales, I love that outlook, its positive and strong so how can I go wrong with that?

My bf is back home on Sunday, so will be interesting - he's in a bulking phase for his bodybuilding - so I will have to put extra stragies in place for when hes back (for example as soon as I see him in the kitchen...leave and go into my room so I don't see him eat...like just need to block it out so I don't get false 'hunger readings' just cause hes eating :)

I seen a 100 situp a day challenge so will also aim to do the following each night (lol while laying in bed..easy!)
20 crunches
20 right diagonal crunches
20 left diagonal crunches
20 ankle tap crunches
20 lower half knee raise crunches

As well as
50 right leg raises
50 left leg raises

SOUNDS like a heap - but once you get into the routine it becomes a little ritual - I use to do it all the time when I was a teen, and did the full set at the beach yesterday while my daughter played - felt a bit silly cause ppl around but really...screw them haha I don't know them, its a GORGEOUS setting to do exercise so WHO CARES ><
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby weightyissue2012 » Mon Apr 30, 2012 2:58 pm

You are gorgeous - when I saw your pics on FB I thought why is this crazy girl wanting to lose weight - but tots understand the weight all in your hips, thigs, waist! That is my problem area to.

You really have got you're head wrapped around this right, sounds like you are doing all the right things INCLUDING not worrying about who sees you working out in public. The Gold Coast is a big place! I'm sure you're not going to know everyone and vice versa, but those that do see you will probably be thing, I wish I could do that!

I can't stomach those protein shakes, was on them for a while but they just made me gag and eventually I thought there has to be something better!!! (I never found it) Sounds like there are some pretty awesome flavours out now, maybe it might be worth trying again :S

well here's to a awesome day and an even awesomer week! :)

AJ
Small steps... AND... POOF! Weight gone :)

GOALS:
9.6.12 = 110kg


MY JOURNAL: viewtopic.php?f=40&t=30064

RECIPES:
Choc-Banana Muffins: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=30080
Oven Baked Muesli: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=30101


http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/w4Tx7uW/
Image
weightyissue2012
 
Posts: 75
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2012 12:02 am
Location: Country, NSW

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:27 pm

thx AJ - i sneaked a pic at your facey too and could say the same about you,,,theres a pici in a lil black dress with your glasses on...woot wooo ;)
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:34 pm

FOOD/EXERCISE LOG

Breaky: 1/2 oats, water and ground cinnamon
Midmorn: (wasn't hungry!)
Lunch: Protein smoothie - 1 scoop cookies and cream whey protein, ice, water blended (sooo good - like a milksake!)
Arvo: 4x vita-weets with Macro organic peanut butter
Dinner: 1/2 chicken breast with 'taco' crisppy seasoning cooked in 2 tbs lite olive oil with lots of brocoli!

*Notes - would normally have omlette (2eggs whites, 1 egg yolk with 1 tbls cottage cheese and vegies) for lunch but ran out of eggs! Brought some this arvo - last thing i need is to be unorganised for start of Month may!
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Mon Apr 30, 2012 6:35 pm

frig wheres the edit button!

lol exercise - 45min FBW and situp/leg routine!

Yessss TBT class tomorrow - call my instructor The Punisher haha shes hard as so LOVE it!
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Re: Not there yet...but closer than yesterday ;)

Postby Elitesolitude » Mon Apr 30, 2012 8:02 pm

Hoooooooomygod! Just made these for dessert...holy frig they taste AMAZBALLS!!Image

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Clean cookies and cream protein muffins!
Recipe:
1 cup of oats (finely blended)
2 scoops of protein (can use any flavour - I used cookies and cream)
3 tbs of cocca powder
1/2 cup Dextrose (check your woolies/coles brewery section!)
1 tbs baking powder
4 egg whites
1/4 cup of coconut
1/2 cup of water

Icing: (optional!)
1/2 Dextrose
1tsp cocca powder
1/3 cup of coconut
3 tsps water

Method
Combine all dry ingrediants and mix
add wet ingrediants (water and eggs) to dry mix
pour into muffin tins (line with baking paper or light spray of olive oil - haha i used alfoil cos out of these but worked fine!)
Cook in fanforced oven at 150deg for 20mins

- while muffins are cooking make your icing by combining all ingrediants so you have a consistancy that isnt toooo runny and leave in the fridge to help set it

Once muffins are cook, ice within 5mins and eat one while warm!! haha tastes soooooo good!

notes: Check to see if muffins are cooked by inserting a skewer in the middle of muffin - if it comes out clean they are good to go...don't over cook they will be dry! Don't expect them to raise heaps so fill your muffin trays to the top above makes aprox 12 - top with coconut to make them look pretty heheh
My Journal! viewtopic.php?f=20&t=30094

"Think about why you started!"
Elitesolitude
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2012 9:51 pm

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