I WANT to lose weight.. i don't wanna be stick thin. I wanna be comfortable in my own skin. I want to be able to walk in to a shop and not have to head for the plus size rack. I wanna stand with my head high and let the world take pics of me instead of trying to shrink into the background with an embarrassed flush on my face when my family make me stand in front of the camera instead of behind. I wanna be able to do all the activities my kids love. Let me on the water slide i'll show you how to slide.... Go on rides at the show and be confident that i will fit in the seat belt / cage etc.. Show me how to water ski.
Setting goals is important.. i wanna lose weight.. not good enough.. how much weight?? i dunno. I have been over the 100kg mark since i started high school. i don't remember being a certain weight i was happy with since puberty. can't i just say i'll know when i reach it??? no... I used to say a size 16 would suit me. Small enough to be able to shop off the rack, seems attainable for me. how much does a size 16 weigh? why would you wanna be a size 16 if you could be a size 12?? well WHEN i get to a size 16 can't i make that decision then?? Where's the goal setting in that? Damn Look at me.. size 26 + doesn't feel good, doesn't look good, surely saying i want to be a size 16 is a major goal. Pfft... no wonder you struggle you... have you ever made any decisions in your life? Stuck to anything? Hiding behind your fat is a lifestyle choice for you is it...
I'm not hiding... i'm suffering.. did i wake up on my 8th b'day and say right i wanna be huge when i grow up. i don't remember it but perhaps i did. well this morning i woke up and said ENOUGH... Time to lose weight.. i cant see myself at 65kgs, i don't remember ever being that weight but i can see myself walking into a shop and getting clothes straight off the rack.. okay they may be the larger ones but their still on that rack. i have options. when i'm actually there at that size and step on the scale i'll know i can lose more if i want too.. shouldn't that be enough...
Day 5.. first small goal... to lose 5kgs in this first week. doable i'm told on my program. i've already lost 3.8kg. Then 1/2kg a week..
I've made my goal weight 80kgs. Not sure what i'll look like at that weight but when i get to that weight i can set a new goal if i feel i need to cant i??. If i can lose over 60kgs then another 20 after my epic drop will be a piece of cake won't it??
Woke up this morning feeling good. Thinner if you will. i've had breakfast, a meal that was never on my agenda unless a fag and coffee makes b/fast. I have hope that i can actually achieve this weight loss.. I think well it's be 82 days since i had a smoke.. i do that why not this.. My partner still smokes in the house, in the car, constantly around me and i haven't picked up a cigarette. surely the rest of the family can still eat the junk foods and snacks without me eating them.
My busy day has been cancelled and postponed due to wet weather so the only thing let on the agenda is my nephew's 21st tonight... am i confident i can control myself, not really but as this will be a life long endeavor i'll have to learn to adjust. I have 9 more 18th's and 21st to get through in my immediate family... can't be sweating the small things...
Start weight 142.9kg 28/05/12
Weigh-in 1 137kg 04/06/12
weigh-in 2 134.1kg 11/06/12
weigh-in 3 132.4kg 18/06/12
weigh-in 4 132.8kg 26/06/12
weigh-in 5 131.5kg 02/07/12