... ok here I am AGAIN!! having not been on this forum for just over 12months, and ashamed to say that all that weight I lost, found me again. I dropped the ball and let life get to me, and stopped being accountable to myself and my poor body has suffered!! Last January we lost our house in the Tassie bush fires and I let that be an excuse for stepping off the bus and letting life just get on without me. Luckily, since I married my wonderful husband, and we moved in with him, our house (the one we lost) had become a holiday home and as a result was not as dire as some others caught up in the bush fires - at least we still had a roof over our heads. Because of this though, we didn't qualify for any of the support or assistance, although the insurance company were great, but this left me feeling a bit weird, worthless and not quite as legitimate as other bush fire victims. I developed an aversion to any official mail, finding it difficult to even open a letter, let alone read and take in what it said. I know this is not rational, it does not make sense, but this is what I allowed to happen to me. I have only recently, 12 months later, decided that I cannot go through my life ignoring my mail and decided that I need to change this in myself - don't know what I'm afraid of - maybe its just being lazy?? anyway, so through last year, I was resorting to good ol' comfort food and through the next 10 months put on almost 13kg!!! shocking right??
so... my boss finally voiced her concerns for my health and encouraged me to find out about lap band surgery. I had never thought I would be a candidate because I have a 20 year history of reflux and associated oesophagus damage. I did lots of internet research and got a referral from the GP to go and see 'the lap band man', still uncertain if it is the course of action I want to take. I spoke to a few people who have had the surgery, who it has actually worked for, and got very enthusiastic. I also was aware of a few people who the surgery had not really worked for, and made a mental note of lots of questions to talk to the lap band man about.
My appointment finally came around (I'd put off actually making the appointment for about 4 weeks) and I finally was able to talk to the lap band man about the surgery, about whether I was a candidate and what would be involved. He was very easy to talk with, he answered all of my questions, yes, I was a candidate, nothing seemed to be a problem. I had only recently joined a health insurance fund so I need to wait 12 months before going ahead with surgery anyway, so it has given me a lot of thinking time to consider all the options. He told me that only 2% of people who try to lose weight on their own, actually succeed. 2%???!!!! wow!! that's pretty small odds right?? By the time I walked out of his office, I wished I had joined the health fund earlier because I thought I would go ahead with the procedure.
I probably also need to add that from the time I started thinking about even going to see the lap band man, I imagined that I WAS already fitted with a lap band and even found some lap band hypnosis online that I had to listen to about 6 times before I finally was able to listen to it before falling asleep, LOL. Short story is that by the time I went to see the lap band man, I'd lost 2-3 kg purely by eating smaller portions, and chewing everything about 1000 times
"interesting" I thought to myself ... then it was Christmas, uh-oh ... nothing really happened over Christmas, except maybe I put on about 1kg, which I see as a positive, because it quite easily could have been more.
so ... here we are now, middle of February, I've been sort of counting calories, using my iPhone app to record my food intake and weigh in etc. weigh in day is Tuesday - I have really tried not to weigh myself every day, but a lifetime of habits are hard to break, so occasionally I get on the scales on days that are not my usually weigh in day. I'm going to try not to do that, but I get impatient and in a way, want it all to happen really fast, but I know I have to be sensible about it all and take it as a life challenge, and not a 'diet' but the challenge is working out what 'normal' people do, and try to adjust the habits of a lifetime and try to live a 'normal' life, and not an obese life.
so, back in October, I'd crept up to 122.6kg - whoa - biggest I've ever been
and I'm only 156cm tall, so basically I'm just a big round ball of chunkiness!!! and yes, my BMI is not far off 50!!!!! its a wonder I'm not dead!!
so its been slow, but I finally started recording my food intake a couple of weeks ago, when the scales were telling me 118.2kg. so tomorrow is the official week 2 weigh in and I'm hoping I've lost at least 1.5kg - my iPhone app is working on the principle of losing .5kg per week, and it will take me a while to get to my ultimate goal of 80kg, but I'm looking at this as something I will need to do forever, not just for a couple of months. finally I've realised that it HAS to be forever - one of those people I talked to who has had a lap band and was so pro-lap band a couple of months ago, and in fact had a skin removal operation over Christmas, has started putting weight on again and even she admitted that it is something she will need to deal with forever - BINGO!! that's what my rational mind tells me all the time, I just need to follow through with the right actions!!
I started out doing around 1700 calories in the first week, then back to 1600 for this week, and I'm thinking I will stick to around 1500-1600 calories, and try to stay away from those foods that I know tempt me - but even if I find something that tempts me, maybe I can just have a small small portion, to satisfy the taste factor, and not necessarily binge on it ... here's trying anyway.
I've also decided that planning ahead is key. my downfall is finding something that is quick and easy - convenience food is where I usually head after a long day at work, so a cook up on the weekend so there is something pre-prepared and ready when I open the fridge that satisfies all those elements that make up the traps that I readily fall in to - I just need to fall into the trap of healthier food (and smaller portions!!). I've also stocked up on some frozen meals as well that are already calorie counted, so when I get home from work, I have something quick and easy that fits into my calorie count for the day.
having said all that, I also have an appointment at a dietician in a couple of weeks so hopefully I can get some more tips and advice to help keep me on track.
to keep me accountable, I'm also going to try to post on here more regularly - at least a weekly update on weigh in day!!
so, who hoo, here goes - wish me luck