... Had a bit of a skim over some of my previous posts, and where i was last time was at the bottom of the Yo-Yo, now I am quite firmly back at the top of the Yo-Yo!!! I can't believe I have done this to myself AGAIN!! oh well, back on the horse I guess, new year, I won't say new resolution, because it isn't, but I seriously need to get my head around this stuff and life my life better!!
I've been listening to some motivational podcasts about healthy eating/lifestyles etc and it has reminded me that I 'know' a lot of this stuff, but yet I continue to block it out and not listen, or at least, not practice what I know. So... here I am again and I am going to try to take one day at a time! The last time I posted on here I had almost reached 25% of my ultimate goal to be back at 75kg, (which equated to about 12kg or something) and I was going so well, and so now here I am again, having put all of that weight back on, and trying to work out what happened. Well, I know what happened, I stopped doing what I needed to do to continue and make it work, and I need to make myself accountable to ME, not to anyone else!!!
So, while Ideally I'd like to aim for 75kg, I'm going to set myself some mini goals and see if I can get that to work for me this time!! I know that the first couple of kgs will be challenging because I have to re-set everything in my head that I have been doing for the last few months, but once I get that first 5kg's done I know i'll be on track.
I also have another goal, which has a bit of a back story and is a bit embarrassing, but one that many obese people can relate to, I'm sure (Oh God, I hope it's not just ME!!!). The last time I travelled on an airplane was November. I flew from Tassie to Qld to visit one of my oldest friends (and I mean length of time i have known her, not that she is really old, LOL) and I was uber excited!!! I boarded the plane and I found my seat - a window seat, and there were two ladies already in their seats, so of course, they had to get out, so I could get in - the younger woman (in her late 20's or so) had this look of absolute disgust on her face when she looked at me, and she moved from the centre seat to the aisle, with the older woman (say in her 50's or so) sitting next to me. I could tell by their demeanour and the snippets of conversation I heard, that they did not like sitting next to a fat person. SO I squished myself up against the window and felt sooo guilty about being fat (for the next 3 hours!!) and THEN, the flight attendant walked down the aisle checking that people had their safety belts on before take-off, which I did. She kind of nodded to me as if to ask "is it done up" so I gave her a nod in return and thought nothing of it, until a moment later she re-appeared with a safety belt extender!!! WTF!!! Clearly her nod must have meant 'do you need an extender belt?" I felt SOoooooo embarrassed, I didn't know what I should do, as she gave it to me and then continued on her way - so I just kind of popped it in the back of the seat pocket where it sat as a reminder of how fat I am, for the rest of the trip!! Once I arrived at my destination, I kind of brushed it off, but it really hurt (have never even told my husband) - and the only person to blame is myself!! I have done this to myself, and continue to be responsible for what I stuff into my face, and really have to think about what I am doing to myself. well, not just think about it, I need to take action and I need to take it now!!!
Today I was invited to a BBQ of a new friend who I met from discussing lap band surgery at a garage sale of all things, where I bought some plus size clothing ... funny how serendipity steps in every now and then. She shared with me her lap-band journey, and has actually lost more than 60kg's over the past couple of years (with maybe another 20-30 to go?), but re-iterated what everyone I have spoken to about this, is that it is not easy, and still need to get our heads around the process and how it is different for everyone, but in a way, it's kind of the same because we are all dealing with similar challenges. So ... on the way to the BBQ I was listening to the motivational podcast and decided that today is the day, so I've bought a new Calorie Counter book (2015) and a food diary so I am going to do it right this time, and do all the measurements and everything so I can track it all right from the start!! It feels a bit 'deja-vu' but here I go again...!!!!! Oh, and I made healthy choices for the BBQ - Chicken kebabs (2 only) + salad + soda water for a drink, so I felt good about that - I did not have any chips, cabana or dip which was set out on the table, and didn't really think about it (well, until now perhaps), thankfully, there was no cake on offer, but I think I probably would have declined that also.
So ... I have to travel to Melbourne in about 8 weeks time - ideally I'd like to have lost at least 8kg by then - so I know the safety belt will fit!!! I KNOW I can do it, I HAVE done it before, I just need to do what I have to do, and continue to do it! With all things being equal, there really is no reason why I can't get back to that goal of 75kg in 12 months time, I just have to set my mind to it and get on with it ... so like setting the dial on the DeLorean (time machine in Back To The Future) I am setting my goal for Australia Day 2016, to lose approx 45kg, and be a fitter and healthier person, with much smaller clothes!!!
I really want to write 'Wish me luck" but I have to accept that luck has nothing to do with it, there is no quick fix, it's hard work and challenges up ahead me hearties ... and the voice inside me says "Just Do It!!!!"
trying to stop the yo-yo!!!