Today hasn't gone quite as planned. Still feeling like crap, just about lost my voice now. I woke up early couldn't sleep, so I got out of bed and had some breaky my usual cereal, yogurt and banana. Went running around shopping half the day, got home at 2 oclock just felt sick not hungry at all so I skipped lunch. Then during the afternoon I had 3 Jarrah Chocolattes, the hot chocolate is really comforting and I find drinking hot liquids sort of decongests me for a bit.
I didn't feel much like cooking tonight but don't have much choice when I have a family to cook for. I made a low fat ricotta and spinach canneloni with lots of garlic hoping it will help get rid of this flu/cold whatever I have. Didn't really feel like it so I had about a half the normal size serving. Then I got hungry a couple of hours later and had a huge serving of yoghurt. Felt quite sick and full after that effort but about an hour later I'm not quite sure why I did but I had an avocado with tomato, shallot, capsicum, lemon juice and pepper. Wasn't hungry at all and I really don't know why I ate it, but I feel worse for it now so bloated. I suppose it is lucky that I didn't have much crap in the fridge or pantry so I only pigged out on healthy stuff.
I'm not concerned about the food, I would still be well under my calorie allowance.
I'm just a bit concerned about my actions of just eating for no apparent reason til I make myself feel sick. I don't want to go back to my binging days so I am going to have to get my head around the cause of this behaviour. I am happy that I didn't make myself throw it up as I usually would but it has crossed my mind a few times tonight I hope its signalling a change in my attitude bit just the fact that my throat is so damn sore it would kill to do it. On a positive note I also had a spoonful of one of my most favourite foods nutella, I am pleased to say that it was only one spoonful then the lid was back on, not the usual eating 3/4 a jar at once.
My goal for tomorrow is to try to eat as well as I can and eat at least 3 straight meals. Not sure how I will go, I couldn't even eat a decent serving of my homemade chicken soup i usually love. I might try having a couple of smoothies tomorrow, should help with the sore throat. Hopefully I will be better soon and can get back on track, another day of zero exercise and I sort of miss it.
I have been thinking of keeping a handwritten journal/diary, I spend way to much time on the internet and end up being on it all night and not getting enough sleep. I use it to wind down before bed, I'm thinking maybe sitting in bed writing might help to unwind in a healthier way. The only concern I have is family reading it, seems weird I share my personal thoughts with a bunch of strangers but would be completely embarrassed if my own family seen them. Anyway will give that idea a bit of thought, it might spare those few poor people that read my ramblings lol