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Julie's Journey

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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby Julz » Mon Jun 01, 2009 11:11 pm

Thanks EWQ :)

Today hasn't gone quite as planned. Still feeling like crap, just about lost my voice now. I woke up early couldn't sleep, so I got out of bed and had some breaky my usual cereal, yogurt and banana. Went running around shopping half the day, got home at 2 oclock just felt sick not hungry at all so I skipped lunch. Then during the afternoon I had 3 Jarrah Chocolattes, the hot chocolate is really comforting and I find drinking hot liquids sort of decongests me for a bit.

I didn't feel much like cooking tonight but don't have much choice when I have a family to cook for. I made a low fat ricotta and spinach canneloni with lots of garlic hoping it will help get rid of this flu/cold whatever I have. Didn't really feel like it so I had about a half the normal size serving. Then I got hungry a couple of hours later and had a huge serving of yoghurt. Felt quite sick and full after that effort but about an hour later I'm not quite sure why I did but I had an avocado with tomato, shallot, capsicum, lemon juice and pepper. Wasn't hungry at all and I really don't know why I ate it, but I feel worse for it now so bloated. I suppose it is lucky that I didn't have much crap in the fridge or pantry so I only pigged out on healthy stuff.
I'm not concerned about the food, I would still be well under my calorie allowance.

I'm just a bit concerned about my actions of just eating for no apparent reason til I make myself feel sick. I don't want to go back to my binging days so I am going to have to get my head around the cause of this behaviour. I am happy that I didn't make myself throw it up as I usually would but it has crossed my mind a few times tonight I hope its signalling a change in my attitude bit just the fact that my throat is so damn sore it would kill to do it. On a positive note I also had a spoonful of one of my most favourite foods nutella, I am pleased to say that it was only one spoonful then the lid was back on, not the usual eating 3/4 a jar at once.

My goal for tomorrow is to try to eat as well as I can and eat at least 3 straight meals. Not sure how I will go, I couldn't even eat a decent serving of my homemade chicken soup i usually love. I might try having a couple of smoothies tomorrow, should help with the sore throat. Hopefully I will be better soon and can get back on track, another day of zero exercise and I sort of miss it.

I have been thinking of keeping a handwritten journal/diary, I spend way to much time on the internet and end up being on it all night and not getting enough sleep. I use it to wind down before bed, I'm thinking maybe sitting in bed writing might help to unwind in a healthier way. The only concern I have is family reading it, seems weird I share my personal thoughts with a bunch of strangers but would be completely embarrassed if my own family seen them. Anyway will give that idea a bit of thought, it might spare those few poor people that read my ramblings lol
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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby Amethyst » Tue Jun 02, 2009 10:48 pm

I for one don't mind reading your ramblings. It helps to know I'm not the only one out there (not referring to you in particular here) losing weight and that if people with worse problems than I are doing it why haven't I? That being said this is about what you need and I personally find writing quite relaxing.

Also it's much easier to tell strangers cuz they're easier to cut out of your life if they make fun of you etc.
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Pizza Is EVIL

Postby Julz » Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:38 pm

Thanks from the comments amethyst (my fav gemstone too btw lol).

Its been a bit of a bumpy week so far. I did something a bit silly on Friday, my daughter was having a friend sleepover and daddy promised they could have pizza weeks ago and I indulged in it too. I'm a little peeved at myself because I didn't really want it, I could have gone without quite comfortably, its not even a food I would call a favourite, just something I eat because everyone else has it. I put a lot of thought into it before I ate it and rationalised it by saying I have been very good eating nothing fattening for 2 weeks and a treat won't hurt. I made hubby order a small pizza of the one I eat, they all eat prawns and I'm allergic so I have to get something different, normally we would get about 3 family sized pizzas, and I ate a much smaller portion than usual.

There was also a bit a curiosity there to see how it would affect me if at all since after my gallbladder operation this sort of thing goes straight through me. Well safe to say it didn't, it had rather the opposite effect. I won't be eating that crap again any time soon. I felt rather yucky after eating it and it must have had so much salt in it I was really thirsty that night, I was up all night drinking water and still felt thirsty and that continued the next day.

I'm not going to beat myself up over the pizza, I'm gonna use it as a learning experience. Bit of a costly lesson to learn with me putting back on 2kgs after eating it. I am really hoping that a lot of it is just fluid retention, because I'm sure it couldn't be 2 kgs of fat. Anyway unlike every other time when I have a slip up and just think why bother and just eat more crap I woke up and started back on my healthy food regime, while everyone else had leftover pizza for breaky I had banana, yoghurt and cereal and I didn't envy them. I've been really careful with what I am eating now and eaten less than the recommended amount of fat hoping to counteract the pizza. I had a sneak peek at the scales and I have now lost the 2kgs pizza weight but with weigh in day being thursday I'm not being to optimistic of having another big loss, I'll settle for any loss this week I think!

I still can't seem to kick this cold and I have been using it for an excuse not to exercise not sure what I will do there, I don't know if its best to just get on with things and pretend I don't feel like crap of just take it easy and hope I get better sooner. I think I will have to get back into so light exercise but maybe lay off the weights, its bad enough feeling crook without the added aching all over pain.

Well whinging about pizza and colds aside I must say that I am really starting to notice a difference in my body, my boobs and hips seem smaller and my clothes are fiiting much better, I have a couple of t-shirts I picked up without trying on a few months ago and was then disappointed that they were horrible fitted tees that clung onto my rolls well now they fit me quite nicely without being clingy and I actually look slimmer in a tighter fit top than my usual daggy baggy ones. It will be great to be able to fit into nice clothes rather than just getting whatever fits me. I'm aiming for a singlet this summer and maybe a nice skirt, I can't wait for christmas where I will hopefully have a much leaner figure to show off, I'm sure everyone will be shocked. All I want this christmas is to be in double digits!
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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby Amethyst » Tue Jun 09, 2009 7:17 pm

Good on you for having a smaller portion. that's part of the battle. I also know what it's like to eat stuff just because everyone else is. We've all been there.

My mother had a gall bladder opperation after gallstones nearly killed her. Hope you fared better.
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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby Julz » Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:13 am

Thanks Amethyst, my gallbladder condition probably wasn't quite as bad as your mothers but it was pretty serious. I didn't know I had gallstones but looking back at my symptoms I probably had them for a few years. I would randomly get attacks that would go away after a few hours and be in excruciating pain I just put it down to something I ate not agreeing with me. Just before christmas last year it got worse and the attcks would not go away, it happened with anything I ate even got to the point when I couldn't drink water. I got to the point where I was too scared to eat because of the pain it was causing. I'm pretty reluctant to go to the doctors so after a couple of weeks of this I went to doctors and had some tests done then he sent me straight to hospital where I had emergency surgery to have it removed because it was causing problems with my liver and kidney functioning and I was dehydrated and malnourished. Best thing I ever done for myself decidng to not be stubborn and see the dr, if I let it go much longer there was a good chance I would be on a dialysis machine now.

Thats part of the reason I want to lose weight, I want my body to be healthy. Straight after the operation I started eating healthy for a couple of weeks, then came christmas, then new years, then parties. It should have been my wake up call but no. I think my big wake up call was when my grandpa passed away a few weeks ago after having a massive heart attack on the operating table. I want to make sure my heart is healthy so I can stick around for as long as possible and watch my kids grow up.

I know I'm going to make it this time, I've lasted longer than ever and I'm doing it the right way for the right reasons. I had a moment of weakness and a bit of a triumph last night. I really felt like bingeing I came so close to doing it, I went to the fridge and started looking for anything- everything to eat. I shovelled a spoonful of yoghurt in my mouth thinking I'll just throw it all up later, then I went for the second and it didn't make my mouth I thought what the %^&* are you doing to yourself? I always set myself up for failure doing this but this time I held back thought about my actions and decided to grab a big glass of water and go settle down have a bath and go to bed.
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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby Amethyst » Thu Jun 11, 2009 12:01 am

Good on you. With that attitude you can do it.

I'm glad you found a reason to trust doctors. Everything my mother went through has taught me not to.

Any way good luck with your future health.
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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby warriorsgirl » Thu Jun 11, 2009 4:17 pm

Wow Julz, wat a journey... It's those lightbulb moments that really take us by surprise when we think what the hell are we doing to ourselves!
Good on you for only taking the one mouthfull of yoghurt... I know I've got a sweet tooth which is very hard to control, but have found something that I really enjoy, and use it as a treat/dessert, cuz that my weakest moment after dinner!!!

Looking at your ticker you have done a great job so far!!! Good luck for the future!
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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby Julz » Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:01 pm

Well I have had a shocker of a week....... I had typed out a huge post explaining my dissapointment in myself after a bingeing relapse but I just hit the delete button. I think I just wanted to get it out, I don't want it to be part of my journey, its not me anymore so its gone. I'll just get myself down if I dwell on the past too much so I'm going to look to the future now.

So instead I am going to focus on all the good things that have come with these few weeks weight loss, hopefully they will help motivate me and I can add to the list.

* I am fitting in clothes that were previously too small, t-shirts that were too clingy are now loose, 2 pairs of jeans that were uncomfortable to squeeze into because the button was digging in are now too big for me I dont even undo those once painful buttons now I just pull them up and up again and again they are starting to fall down now lol.

* I am fitter, when I first started I did 30 mins on the wii free step and was buggered, now i go for over an hour and don't even break a sweat.

* My face is looking a bit thinner, I can really notice the weightloss around my chin area. Sometimes I catch glimpses of myself in the miror and I am not disgusted like I used to be.

* My whole family is also losing weight, hubby has dropped about 9 kilos even my daughter has lost a couple kgs, I'm looking forward to being a good looking active family.

* I went running for the first time since highschool!

*I feel healthier, no more of those nasty side effects from eating junk food.

* Taking more pride in my appearance, I take the time to do my hair nice whem I go out now, not just throw it up in a bun, I try to wear clothes that flatter me not just go for the baggiest things I own. I was at the stage when I rarely bothered shaving my legs because no one ever saw them anyway, but I have been shaving them again because I feel I deserve to look the best I can and know that in the near future I will be able to show off my legs.

* Being a good example to my kids.

I'm also going to focus on the good things to come if I stick with my plan.

* Buying clothes from a normal store not a plus sized store and looking good in them.

* Singlets, dresses, skirts and shirts in the summer time- will make a pleasant change from my usual all year round attire of jeans and tshirt.

* Being able to go out to dinner without feeling like everyone is watching me eat thinking 'no wonder shes so damn fat'.

* Having a much bigger chance of falling pregnant naturally as I lose weight and if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant I would love to look like a beautiful pregnant lady not just look fat with most people not realising I am pregnant.

* Feeling comfortable enough in my fitness levels and appearance to take up sports again.

* Being one of the pretty ones again and hubby being proud to show me off.

*Increasing my lifespan!!


I could go on forever but I'm feeling sufficently motivated now :) Will add more soon
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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby Julz » Tue Jul 14, 2009 1:56 am

Been a while since I post in here and I'm bored atm so nows as good a time than any.

Had some ups and downs over the past month both on and off the scales. We had kfc on friday night and boy do i regret it! after eating it all weekend I could do nothing but eat. It wasn't the usual binge where i thought to myself i stuffed up so might as well feast and i'll start dieting next week. I felt hungry, ravenous, i was pigging out on huge quantities of food eg. ate 3 bananas and still felt really hungry thankfully it was all healthy stuff as we dont have junk food in the house anymore. I swear they must put some chemical in the kfc that tells your brain eat, eat eat and eat some more. I haven't pigged out like this for a long time and it seems too much of a coincedence that it happened after eating kfc. I won't touch that crap again for a long time :twisted:

I spent the day detoxing myself. I didn't eat much at all, I didn't want to because I was afraid if I start I won't stop like on the weekend. I had a pick at some stir fry beef as I cooked it for my hubby and had a couple of jarrah chocolaits. Feeling much better now, I think its done the trick :D Will be good to get back to normal eating!

I don't think I will lose weight this week, I would be suprised if I don't gain it for reasons above, also last week I had a big loss 2.1kgs so I'm crossing my fingers for a no gain lol

Apart from this weekend I have been feeling much better about myself, both my mum and MIL have commented that I have lost weight. Its good that people are noticing but I do get a little embarrassed by it :oops:
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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Tue Jul 14, 2009 9:01 am

Probaby all the sugars and simple carbs (which are basically sugar anyway) in it - sugar apparently interferes with the chemicals your body releases to tell you you're full (or so some study found according to a show on Radio National I was listening to) so you keep eating more. I know if I eat anything sugary I have a hell of a time stopping.

And the gallbladder thing... very lucky. I had mine out about a year ago because of stones. They are really painful so I'm glad you finally got them out before they did any more damage.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Tue Jul 14, 2009 10:54 am

Sugar is very high GI, so it creates a sugar spike where your blood sugar levels rise dramatically. The body responds by trying to bring sugar levels back down with a huge release of insulin. With lower GI foods the rise in blood sugar isn't as dramatic, so the insulin reponse isn't that strong and it simply brings your blood sugar levels down to normal. Because the insulin response is so much greater with a big sugar spike, it actually works too well and drops your sugar levels to very low. This sugar low makes your body hungry for more carbs so it can bring your blood sugar back to normal. This is why after eating something sugary you feel the need to eat more sugary stuff soon after.

I'm not sure about how fats may affect your appetite the following day. However, as KFC is notoriously lacking in nutrients it could have been that your body was craving healthy food to fuel it and making you eat accordingly so that you got all the nutrients you needed rather than fatty cardboard fast-food crap.

Anyway, it's all a learning experience and now you know how your body reacts to KFC which gives you greater incentive to avoid it in future. So well done for learning from experience! It may sound silly to congratulate you for slipping up, but in my opinion a lot of weight loss is about trial and error to see what works for you. And trial and error only works when you make errors! :lol:
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Re: Julie's Journey

Postby Amethyst » Tue Jul 14, 2009 9:43 pm

They put a lot of chemicals in chickens and stuff to get them to eat more and gain weight. And it transfers to us when we eat it.
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