So begins the record of my weight-loss...
I was thinking that in the past I have often set goals which other people have taken the credit for. I have had some pretty good successes at work and in other things and someone else always seems to step in just as the limelight and recognition are heading my way, and I get nothing. A great thing about weight-loss is that I will own it and not anybody else. It is truly self-promotional. Not that I am particularily eaten up by a world that seems to be in the process of by-passing me, but I do want to kind of make a competitive statement. I'm not really a power-mad or tremendously materialistic person, but deep down I want to represent how good I am. For example, I have a great wife who is a prize catch. It is not the same as driving a merc compressor but 100 times better, and it shows a lack of judgement if you think otherwise. My kids are great too. My cycling, that is a fantastic statement about my commitment to the planet. No-one needs to notice it but I do. Eventually, when I can get past Alla who basically controls the finances, I want to get a quality Italian racing bike. Sure, it will only be my push-bike but I know deep-down that bikes are truly cool.
I think it is deep down pride that is driving me to lose weight. I know my value even if society at large doesn't readily acknowledge it. Loving family life is cooler than career, push-bikes are cooler than 4WD's, sailing (my other great love) is cooler than jet-skiing. This is true is my eyes, I'm not trying to convince anyone else. AND BEING A HEALTHY LEAN WEIGHT IS TOTALLY COOL. When I get this next goal in my clutches, like the other things I have mentioned, I will be so proud.
I look at these pro-cyclists, not Lance Armstrong who basically sacrificed his marriage to win, and I think they look really good. I want to look like that too. Cyclists are incredibly light (180cm's and around 67kg's) and I want it too.
I belonged to a gym for a while but I didn't envy those bulging muscles at all. To me it lookd gross, dumb, and as if these people had their hands on it. I want a lean and fit/flexible body and I'M GOING TO GET IT.
At work no-one will sense that under my clothes I am now even cooler but I will know this and when I burn away on my Pinarello bicycle in my lyrca cycling my self-esteem will be totally intact. "Look, you losers, you think I am the loser, but in reality, if you opened your eyes for half a second, you would see that in fact I am a winner, and it is you snobs poncing on in your pathetic ways that are the real losers. Eat my dust!!"
Excuse my self-righteous manner, and I like my work despite the fact it is not appreciated by any-one else (I work as a science teacher), but I am only mouthing off a bit to allow myself to get to the bottom of why I am doing this. It is the glory, I want the pleasure of glorifying my self to myself in a way which is meaningful to me. That will spread more happiness around than my having another easter bunny...