I'm new to the site, but going to try very hard to get things back on track. Here is a link to my Intro post so that I don't have to retype it all here.....
But here's the basics:
Type II Diabetes
PCOS - both caught in the early stages, but controlled by diet and Metformin.
Lower Back Issues
My Weight Loss History
I have two kids, both pregnancies were spent at a very heavy weight. My first pregnancy I had no idea or inclination to look after myself and I ballooned up to well over 120kg I believe. I was very ill and had a very hard time. My gallbladder gave out shortly after birth and it was very complicated proceducre to have it removed because my liver started shutting down, anyway 3 weeks in hospital over my son's 1st xmas and on a nil by mouth or jelly diet and I dropped 10kg, which signalled the rest of my weight loss down to 100kg. I fell pregnant with my daughter at 100kg and was determined to do the right thing. I put on 12kg with her until the last 5 weeks when I developed gestational diabetes which went undiagnosed until birth when she was weighed and was 11lb. I also put on 5kg during that time so ended up at 117kg. It was very lucky that I was watching my diet and fitness during the pregnancy as it could have been a lot worse.
After her birth i bounced around from 108kg to 115kg, and then one day I stepped on the scales and saw 118kg and just freaked out. From that point on I was on the weight loss wagon and didn't really fall off until the 80's. I kept on plodding through, I counted calories and exercised everyday. My main focus was food not activity, and the more weight i lost the more I started to focus on the exercise part. I reached 73kg which was my lowest weight ever in adulthood and was a size 14 because of the massive fold of skin on my stomach.
I booked in and had a tummy tuck. I was told that it would be 3 months until I could start exercising at the level I was at before and that I could experience swelling up to 2 years after the op. I was doing well, I started exercising slowly I was getting back to where I wanted to be. I had seen 71kg on the scales and then settled at 73kg, by the end of the 3 months I was around 75-76kg which wasn't a bad thing considering I was couch bound for 3 months. I was finally in size 10-12 clothes and feeling fantastic.
Then unfortuantely for me I got notified that I was going in for knee surgery to help correct the arthritis. I went for it thinking that I would bounce back and be able to push myself further and harder than before. In hindsight it was very bad timing. My tummy tuck was in July, my knee op was in September, and I didn't get clearane to do any exercise that involved my legs until February this year. So I spent 6-7 months doing nothing, losing hope and fitness, resorting back to old habits and going nowhere but up on the scales.
When I had my tummy tuck I had a body fat of 19%, within 6 weeks of the op I had gone back to 30%. I'm too scared to see where I'm at now. I have lost a lot of muscle tone, I have put on more cm's and I can't fit into any of my new clothes. All my fat clothes have gone except for a few 14-16's which I'm refusing to wear now because it feels like I would be admitting defeat.
I have been trying to get back on the weight loss wagon since Feb and finding it very hard. Since that point my weight has gone from 76kg to 86kg as of this morning
I feel very ashamed and disgusted and FAT. I also eel very unattractive, like I have accomplished nothing and basically just feel like a failure. The weight is coming on thick and fast and it is out of control.
Now the other side of the coin, 12months after my DD was born my hubby had a vasectomy, he never wanted any more kids, I was happy we had one of each and was fine with the decision. Xmas last year when my DD was coming up to 3 years old, my hubby dropped the bombshell that he wanted 2 more kids.
So we assessed the situation, most importantly my health, and decided to go ahead with it. He had a vasectomy reversal in Feb of this year and it was very successful. We are in the process of trying for number 3 and I am scared out of my brain that I will end up very big and uncomfortable again. I just want to enjoy this pregnancy when and if it happens.
So I'm on a counting clock to get my butt into gear and get this weight off.
I lsot weight before by counting calories and exercising every day. At the moment I feel like I'm starting all over again and we are going through a lot financially and emotionally as a family and it's very ahrd to focus on just me and what i need to do for myself when everything is going to crap around me.
So I've decided to start fresh, even if I jsut come here and blab about nothing but weight loss, it's what I need to do to get weight loss as number one priority in my life again and get some focus back. I am using the Calorie King site to count cals.
My goals are to track my calories to a maximum of 1200 calories a day and fat no more than 40gm.
To plan my meals out for the remainder of the day after brekkie and therefore taking away the 'nibble' and 'can't find anything to eat' factor.
I need to stop binge eating, I seem to be eating to smother myself lately and I just need to stop plain and simple. I'm better than this.
To do some form of exercise every day, whether it be a walk or getting to the gym to use the machines/do a class. Whatever it is, it has to be cardio. My work is very physical so I don't do any exercise on those days as I get a minimum three hours of it at work.
So far today
, I have done my calories and the total for the day is 1099, fat is 36gm.
There are no room for binges in my life. I need to keep on top of the food planning and calorie counting. I'm taking it a day at a time.
I'm going to work tonight so no time for exercise, but that's ok I'll mke sure I do extra stuff at work if it is slow going.
Hoping that this time I can get the weight off and keep it off.