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Mickey's Progress

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Postby Maraver » Sat Aug 04, 2007 12:38 pm

Hi Mickey I think this is the first time I have read your progress section and how I love your honesty, how many times do we lie to ourselves, until we are honest with ourselves we will never move on, like one biscuit won't matter will it, of course it will and you know after one we think oh well thats blown it lets have another one, I have had and still have some serious self esteem problems over the years and I doubt I will really get over them, but someone once said to me
"What other people think of me is none of my business
and you know it is so true
Keep on track you are getting yourself in the right frame of mind,in one of your posts I just wanted to stop reading find you and give you a great big hug
Take care and stay positive
Pamxx
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Postby seraph » Sat Aug 04, 2007 7:19 pm

Hey Mickey
I just read through your progress stuff. I'm sorry you were feeling so down not so long ago. I think people underestimate what an emotional rollercoaster losing weight is. It's great that you were able to identify some of the things that caused it and could talk to your hubby about it. Also really pleased that you're feeling better now. I've never heard of lite and easy. I don't think you can get it here but if it makes your life easier and less stressful then I say go for it. How disappointing that your friend couldn't be happy for you. I hate that. I know how it must have hurt. When I lose weight I have certain friends who notice and it feels more of an accusation than a compliment. But you can always come back here. We're rooting for you and will be cheering you on the whole way *does chubby cheerleader dance*. So keep your chin up hun :)
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Postby MickeyB » Mon Aug 06, 2007 6:17 pm

Thanks for all the positive thoughts. They're very much appreciated.

Seraph, lite n easy is a food based program. You nominate what calorie plan you want to be on and then they give you menus to choose meals from and they provide all meals and snacks each week straight to your door. It looks really yummy and I'm looking forward to having some variety and tyring different menu's. I'm fine when I have a system, lately it's been hard getting a system going again and sticking to it. It is a litle expensive, which is why I'm only treating myself to about a month to get myself started and back on track.

I had a reasonably good weekend with food, however no exercise again :cry: It's really my number one problem at the moment. Did have a mini blow out last night with the triple choc cookies, but I did a lot better than what I normally do. Will be making more of an effort this week.

We got a new puppy yesterday as well, a little Jack Russell.

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He is so cute. He spent the night in our bed and it was just like having a new born again LOL Up every two hours for him to go to the toilet. At least he was good though and came an woke me up (by eating my hair or sitting on my face) so I could take him out. No accidents in the bed LOL But I am buggered today and really couldn't be stuffed going out walking. So I've been good with the food instead and plan on going out walking tomorrow.

Hey kim, yep I was taking the ferrogradumet a little while ago, however although it's a higher dose than fefol I wasn't finding it as helpful as it's not an extended release, so I was feeling really wiped out by lunch time after it had started wearing off. I was going to start taking the Ferro one at night time to give my body a chance to absorb some more while I'm sleeping and stick with the Fefol during the day for now and see how I go. My doctor really doesn't want to go the injection route although if it doesn't start coming up there may be no other choice. Thanks for the heads up about the cysts too. I've had a few ultraounds done for my PCOS and they've all come back clear. I'm not sure if the iron would be linked to that or not, but it's something to be on the look out for, so thanks :)

Pam, it's funny I normally couldn't care less what other people thought of me, because the people who say nasty things are people who I either don't know at all, or don't know very well and they mean nothing to me. It's very easy to shrug off those comments, but when it's someone who you think is a good friend, it really hurts. But I'm glad I learnt that lesson because it's shown me that I shouldn't care what other people think, no matter who they are. If I'm happy with myself then that's all that matters.

Anyhoo I better go, getting dark and the kids are out in the back yard screaming their heads off having a great time.
Mic
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Mon Aug 06, 2007 6:40 pm

oooh what did you call the puppy? my sister has a jack russell and they called it J.R :P

my daughter heidi when she saw your puppy picture she got all excited and came over to my lap and was going 'woof woof woof' lol.
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Postby MickeyB » Mon Aug 06, 2007 6:49 pm

LOL at Heidi, I've had to put my two on a 'no touch' rule for the rest of today because they were getting way too excited and he was getting overwhelmed by the 'love'. Poor puppy had a sand pit experience when I turned my back for 5 mins so had his first bath today as well LOL

We were going to call him Moe, but it sounds too much like No, which could get confusing for the poor thing in puppy preschool, so we're going to go with MoMo for now. Hubby wants to call him Smudge, but it's not really a name that rolls of the tongue. We're hopless with dog names LOL I liked Frankie, but hubby doesn't.

Mic
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Mon Aug 06, 2007 8:05 pm

LOL its just like naming a a new baby :) you have to get it right ;)
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Postby seraph » Mon Aug 06, 2007 11:15 pm

aaahhhhh. Mo is soooo cute. I want!
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Postby MickeyB » Thu Aug 09, 2007 3:11 pm

Well I'm still here, had a few drinks last night and feel horribly bloated and sick today :oops: Didn't bother weighing as I know it will be bad and very much over my 86kg barrier :oops:

I'm still waiting for my lite n easy to arrive as well. :( I just want to check it all out and see what it's going to be like. Hope it's not too much longer, I also hope it actually gets here so that I can start it tomorrow.

I did the grocery shopping today and stocked up on a lot of stuff for the kids and DH, decided to spend the afternoon cooking today and making him casseroles, spaghetti bog, beef satay, chicken cattatorie, seafood mornay etc for his work dinners and weekend eating so that he doesn't feel like there's nothing to eat and wants to get take out., which would then undo and override any attempt I was making at sticking to the lite n easy.

I avoided all the bad stuff at shopping today, have had a salad sandwhich and creamed caramel rice for lunch (very yummy and low cal/fat) and I actually feel more on top of things today (FINALLY!) with this flu, so I'm looking forward to getting up tomorrow and going for a walk before I put the car in for it's service. Feeling very energised about getting out there and doing something to lose this weight. 79kg here I come.

Mic
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Thu Aug 09, 2007 3:28 pm

oh the pup is cute! can't wait till the breeder's dog we are getting a pup from gets preggers and has them (she's on heat now, whoopee).
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Postby kate_turner2000 » Thu Aug 09, 2007 4:49 pm

hey mic

what a great idea about making up that batch of foods to freeze for hubby. i wish we had a big freezer but we dont :( it sucks, it holds enough for our fortnight of meat and thats it.

let us know how lite n easy goes when you get it :) i have heard great things about it
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Postby seraph » Thu Aug 09, 2007 4:50 pm

What a good idea to make all that food ahead of time. That way you won't be tempted when you have to cook it later. How exciting that your lite n easy is on its way. I always get really excited to start things like that and look at all the stuff. It's great. Let us know what its like and how you're finding it :)
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Postby MickeyB » Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:19 pm

Well here is some very depressing history for you, I feel like a right tool. Have I really been talking such crap for so long???? I went back through my old diary on another weight loss site and it has really opened my eyes as to how far off track I have been and for how long, and it's very scary! I have also realised I have been through some really up and down crap this year and I have been using it all too much as an excuse to not get my weight back on track.

Tummy Tuck on July 25th 74.1kg
July 28 2007 - 72.8kg
July 29 2007 - 71.5kg - lowest weight ever in my adult life


Direct quotefrom end of July/start of Aug - start of the total destruction of $5000 worth of body transformation and 2 years hard work.
I think I may be overeating as a coping mechanism for not being able to do literally anything! I used to eat when I was bored, but had re-trained myself to do something else instead, normally something active like exericse or cleaning or playing with the kids. None of those options are available to me now and I've been resorting to the old method of food to entertain myself. I should get a crossstich or get my mum to show me how to knit LOL

It's been so hard not exercising. You know when you want a certain food like chocolate, and you ban yourself from eating it, and then all you want is chocolate? Well it's like that with me for exercise. I feel up to doing stuff, but know I can't and I have all these people telling me to sit still, no walking around, no lifting stuff, no exercise in any way shape or form, so of course, all I want to do is exercise and then I have to tell myself no as well. I didn't realise how much exercise was a big part of my life, a big part that I need and want in my life, until now. I've decided to do 6 month trial at the gym as my xmas pressie when I hit 6 months in the recovery period.


August 23 07 - 73.5kg - Direct quote - sounds familiar:
I'm just feeling very out of control, I'm keeping the exercise going, although maybe not as much as I could be, but my eating is haywire and I'm so sick of it all. I'm ok until afternoon tea time and then it's eat eat eat and it's all crap or too much. I can feel myself slipping away into I Don't Care Because I'm Fat Mode and it's making me feel very down.

September 07 - 75.8kg - Direct quote -
I'm sick of feeling like a fatty boombah and looking at everything that's sagging on my body. My arms have gone all flabby, my calves have gotten chunkier, this roll of fat under my boobs and my back love handles are just disgusting and I haven't had them for ages, so it feels really yuck. When I'm walking the bottom half of my thighs which used to be hard muscles, are now flopping in the breeze and slapping together as I walk. I can't remember the last time I had that feeling! I feel puffy all over and really can't look in the mirror and be proud of my acheivments. I feel like I weigh about 85kg and that I have a loooooooong way to go and a LOT of work to do. And to make it all worse it's all my own stupid fault again! There is no excuse for it at all, I've just been lazy.

September 29 2007 - 75.8kg
October 6 2007 - 74.6kg
Ocotboer 25 2007 - 76.5kg


November 8 2007 direct quote - I just don't feel normal at the moment, I feel like I'm wasting my time even trying anymore

November 10 2007 - 78.4
December 15 2007 - 76.0kg
December 27 2007 - 80kg - xmas nightmare

January 5 2008 - 79kg
January 12 2008 - 77.3kg
February 22 2008 - 81.8kg
March 10 - 80.9kg
March 30 - 83.2kg
April 13 - 83.5kg (and that's with focussing and doing a mini challenge)
May 31 - 83.9
June 10 - 84.4kg
July 9 - 86.5kg


See how slow and steady this weight crap is! Here I am feeling like crap back at 75kg and talking absolute rubbish and its been 12 months and I'm still talking the same crap, only 10kg heavier.I've also realised from looking at this that as of November, I realised that my 'Normal' was exercising lots and taking care of myself, at that stage I was wella nd truly on the fat wagon and I knew that it wasn't my 'normal' anymore, but I couldn't recognise it enough at that time to stop it.

Well that's it I'm over it. I'm going to do something and I'm going to get to the 70's again, and then I'm going to get into size 10-12's again. Screw the bad food and the bad self talk, screw the no exercise thing, that's not the life I want.

At least I can see where I've bounced around and had issues. If nothing else comes from this I've learnt a valuable lesson int that 've found a reuccuring event that signals the crash and burn mode.

It seems to be any minor or major thing that changes in my life, whether it's a shift change for DH, job loss, bad shopping experience or event like a birthday etc. It's time to re-think about where my priorities are and to put myself back at number one. I need to realise that life will happen regardless of what I do and I need to make the decision of whether or not I want to eat my way through it, or whether I want to go out and live it to it's fullest, exercise and enjoy it, eat and enjoy it, wear whatever clothes I want, go to a party without thinking about what I have to do to avoid eating bad food when I get there, just go and think I can have 'some' of this, I don't need to be a pig about it and to basically just get on with living and not stress about weight.

I can be bored all I want at the moment, but it's not a good enough excuse any more, I have to do it or I'm going to be back in triple figures by the end of the year, and if that's not motivation enough then I need to go and stand and stare in the mirror for a little while longer.
Mic
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:23 pm

MIc

kudos to you mate. you have re evaluated everything and had a good hard look at yourself. the only person who can do something about your weight is you. we are all our own toughest critics but sometimes thats the best thing for us- to kick our own butts! you can do it, you have done it before mate, just this time you are not going to let excuses get in the way.
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Postby KimE » Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:38 pm

Hi Mickey

You are being tough on yourself but sometimes you need to be. You have done a good thing for yourself here by laying it all out, especially showing the dates and the weights (your dates had 2007 and 2008 and I am assuming they should be 2006 and 2007). By doing that you can see exactly what has been going on and use it to motivate you to change the way going forward.

Weight is insidious, creeping up on you without barely being noticed. It's even easy, somehow, to justify that slight change on the scales when they slowly climb up. I remember always saying to myself "if I get too big, I will do something about it". Well I did get too big and I knew it but did nothing for a good long while. Eventhough, I got really sad when I thought about it or saw photos of myself. The body gently accomodates the new growth and you continue as normal and one day it's almost like "how the hell did I put on this weight!".

I hope you enjoy the lite n easy when you get it, I found it excellent. Stay strong and you can get back to where you were.



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Postby MickeyB » Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:44 pm

Major wake up call over the past few days. No point wasting time waiting for the motivation to just happen, when I need to actually do something to 'make' it happen. Discpline and willpower is the way to go.

And my willpower is in fine form again, I said no to the cake at morning tea, no to the junk food lunch, no to nibbling on the lollies all day, and even no to my all time fav chips that were on special today.

Today I had a fantastic day. I didn't count calories as I was using up the last of my scattered lite n easy meals. That system didn't go as well as planned, mainly because we've been going out so much, only have one car at the moment so there's a lot of back and forth and 1200 cal leaves me quite hungry and with my blood sugars dropping it's a case of eat and eat soon. I didn't eat junk, I ate as healthily as I could, just overate at times as usual and I havent' bothered to weigh myself so far because I know I'll get disappointed in spending all that money for nothing. On the positive side though, the program allowed me to see just how close I am/was when I am in control and focussed and majority of the foods provided were brands and types I already had, so I am safe in knowing that if I apply myself I can work out my own system. For the time being I have bought Lean Cuisines to have for dinners so that I dont' have any temptation at night time and I have a whole weeks worth so everything is ready and able to go. I'm looking forward to it, and I enjoy having my system back.

Today I took the kids out to the local soccer field and I ran around like a madwoman with them for 20min, I was quite surprised how easy it felt to actually jog from one side of the field to the other and I felt really good while doing it. Plus the kids had a ball and got some special mummy time that was really fun. They thoroughly enjoyed themselves and Ryan wants me to find a soccer/football team for him now. So, very happy. We had to cut it short because the soccer team showed up to practise, but I took them to another park and they rode their bikes around. The original plan was to kick the balls around for as long as they wanted, and then get their bikes out and while they were riding I was going to do some interval training ie: jog to one end, and walk back, Jog again, walk back, then sit ups, push ups, squats, back to jogging and walking etc. Didn't get to do it today as I said, but I know that I will go back there and do it again and it's something I can enjoy, the kids enjoy and I have finally found a new exercise that I can do with the kids! And the best thing about it is that it is only about 30min walk from the house, so if I have to go by myself in the mornings I can walk there and have a different workout other than just walking.

I will start my food diary tomorrow and I will start posting it in my diary, along with my exercise which will keep me on track because it's in my face. My major goal is to be closer to 80kg by the time my horse riding trip comes around in exactly one month from today. My mini goal is to have done exercise every day this week, from now till next Thursday, no excuses. Also, I have decided to stay with a 1400calorie plan for the first week or so just to get myself back in the game slowly. I realised the other day that my old game plan won't work exactly the same this time around, so I need a fresh new start.

Now this week will be a major week for me. I am officially in my usual PMS week, I usually suffer from bloating(which makes me feel horrible and fat), moodiness (which makes me feel horrible and fat) both of which lead to severe overindulgence of the crap food. This weekend will be a big test for me and I am looking forward to coming out the other side of it with a big victory smile on my face. Baby steps, but I can do it. Of course if I can come out of the weekend knowing that we've finally fallen pregnant I'll be ecstatic as well, but even that is not going to destroy my new plan to lose some weight..
Mic
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