Is anyone here fat because they just like food too much or

[Cazzoom]

Wont stop eating or wont exercise?

Seems like a very contraversial question right, but I'm not exactly asking it.

My DH is under the impression that if you are overweight, its just because you eat too much and dont exercise, or because you are lazy.

I myself know that this isnt the case but he just cant change his way of thinking.

He says you want to lose weight, you just go out and do it.
You go to the bakery for a loaf of bread, you see all the cakes but you just don't buy them.
You have emotional issues or past issues that may have contributed to being the way you are now, you just get over them and forget they happened. move on and then everythings fine and dandy.

Its something we have been over(okay they have turned into a couple of screaming, with me ultimately crying, matches)

Everything goes okay for a few weeks and then it gets rehashed again and he cant see why I havent gotten over things already.

Im the first to admit that I have issues, with the way I was raised and the way I was treated, things that have happend to me, past relationships and being overweight my whole post pubescant life. He just cant see why they keep coming up. Especially on this weight loss journey.

I've lost 14kg, which is 1/4 of the weight I need to lose and I think I have done an amazing job. I'm exercising every day, I have a great atitude this time, I have ambition and drive and goals.

The thing he has the most problem with is that even though Im doing so well, I cant see the end result. I cant imagine what I'll be like when I reach that goal, I cant even see how I will be when I am half way there. Im trying to concentrate on the here and now. On the nect kilo, on the next dress size dropping, on the next days exercise. Its HOW I HAVE to deal with it, but instead of letting me go he always seems to be pushing me into trying to think like him.

I love that he can picture how I am going to look. I have never been slim the whole time I have been with him. He's never pushed me to do anything and he has been very encouraging, He tells me how good I am going but he always seems focussed on the end result.
He tells me he can't wait till Im slim and we can do new things and enjoy new things together. He says it will be like being with a different person and I can so totally understand that. But its the lack of him trying to understand what Im thinking and how I am dealing with it all that hurts.

What I do want him to try and understand is that I love his support and encouragement but I need him to validate that my thoughts and feelings and the way I do things is the way it has to be for me. I dont even expect him to understand any of it. Just know that its me and the way I am.

I have always supported him in anything he has ever wanted to do, in the choices he makes, the things he does, his habits and collections and his opinions and feelings I just want to feel like he's doing the same with me.

Does anyone here have any thoughts or feelings about this? Am I wrong? Anyone else know anyone who thinks the same way?

thanks

Cazz

[EvilWombatQueen]

I think sometimes people who haven't had weight problems have a simplistic view of how to lose weight. And I hate to say it some successful dieters can be the same way, almost like born-again non-smokers.

Yes, in some instances it's simple. Just say no to cakes and yes to walking. But for some of us it's a bit more complicated. I've been a vegan for 13 years and eat a very healthy diet. I don't eat cakes. I rarely eat chocolate. I very rarely eat junk food. I walk everywhere. Yet I gained nearly 20 kilos. For me the problem was portion control. What I was eating was healthy, but once you start eating too much of it you're still going to gain weight. I thought I was eating enough to satisfy my hunger but now I can see that I didn't know how to listen to my hunger signals. I just didn't have the information or knowledge to adjust my lifestyle accordingly. Because everyone kept spouting simplistic messages about cake and icecream being the real evils I couldn't understand how I was gaining weight.

And sometimes there can be more complicated aspects to weight loss. Now that I know more about nutrition and hunger signals I've managed to lose a bit of that weight. However over the last five weeks my weight loss has come to a grinding halt. Not because I ate too much or exercised too little - quite the opposite! I kept cutting calories and increasing my exercise to the point where my body was starved of calories and desperately trying to hold onto anything that came its way. At the same time it had adjusted to my running and walking sessions so it just stopped losing weight. I think I've got the plateau licked now and ironically it was through increasing my calories and changing my exercise to include weight training. Simple messages may work for some people but for others they are counter-productive. Diet and exercise knowledge and insight into your own lifestyle is often needed for successful long term weight loss.

I think successful weight loss strategies vary from person to person. Not because the calories in versus calories out message is wrong, but because successful weight loss means adjusting your entire lifestyle and everyone's lives are different. If one simple message was true for everyone and it was simply a matter of putting down the cake and going for a walk then there wouldn't be a billion dollar weight loss industry or so many failed dieters.

You've done a great job in losing 14kg Cazzoom. Yay you! You say that you can't imagine yourself at your goal weight. Have you tried creative visualisation? I find it's a great motivator while meditating. I listen to the Paul McKenna 'I can make you thin' hypnosis CD and he suggests that if you can't imagine yourself at goal weight just imagine yourself a little bit thinner than you are at the moment. Then a little bit thinner than that. Personally I like to visualise my head superimposed on a super-model's body. I know I'll never look just like that, but for the purpose of meditation it works a treat. Especially when you start to feel like that thin person. I'm not sure if this will work for you (like I said, different methods work for different people) but I thought I'd suggest it as it certainly works for me!

[Diminishing]

I think your husband and mine are related. LOL!

We haven't argued about it as such, but I sure do get frustrated by his simplistic attitude to my weight loss journey.

He is lean, and always has been. Probably always will be. Food is just not an issue for him at all: he views it as fuel, pure and simple.

Drives me mad.

As such I tend to "underplay" my weight losses, which is a shame.

He is really really encouraging (and we got together when I was a fair size, so I know he loves me regardless) but I think he thinks it will happen overnight. And certainly doesn't ever GET HOW HARD IT IS TO RESIST every single day..........

[Butterfly_Dawn]

In a way he is right - to lose wight all you need to do is eat less and exercise more (for the most part where there are no physical impediments or disorders). But I don't thin he really has come to grips with how difficult it is to change a behaviour when it's ingrained (including psychological patterns). It might be difficult to get him to do, but if you think you can and he wants to understand, maybe pick a bad habit of his (maybe swearing, or gambling, or whatever) and ask him to expose himself to things that would create that reaction, he can't get away with just avoiding footy matches or censored (just like you are regularly exposed to all kinds of foods and opportunities to slob around on the couch rather than exercise).

He'll very quickly get to understand how difficult it actually is to change a habit. After all, all he has to do is not say the F word (or put money on the dogs). But when you're in that sphere, it takes a lot of concentration. At firt he'll be really good at it, and say "see I told you, it's easy" but if you just say, "yeah you're doing really well" and let him go for say a month or two, the concentration will wane and before you know it he'll be racking up expletives like you wouldn't believe.