I think I need help... lost motivation

[magentarose]

Hi, I'm new here. I don't know if I'm in the right place but I don't know where else to go.

Anyway, I was doing ok and I lost 13kg over 2 months. My goal was 75-80 while making small goals along the way. I felt happy and proud of myself. Then the holidays came. Only gained 2kg over the holiday but when I get back to work I start dieting again and I lost those 2 kilos.

2 weeks pass and I have an arguement with my stepdad. In this arguement he manages to throw out the insult "fat f***"... uncalled for I thought since I was trying to be nice when this fight started. This stuck with me and I haven't been following my diet since. Eating junk when I'm stress and upset which is all the time at the moment. Bouncing back and forth between 87-88kg.

I feel like all the hard work I have done on this diet is pointless because of this insult from someone who knows I've lost weight. To make me feel worse, my once-friends just never have time to catch up with me but they seem to have time to catch up with others... It feels like they are avoiding me. I don't know why, we normally have fun when we get together. I try talking to my boyfriend but he just says he is happy with how I am... that is wonderful but I'm not happy.

Sorry if I'm ranting... I'm just looking for suggestions, tips, motivation? How do you get passed wanting to throw it all in?
How can I stop myself reaching for a chocolate bar because I'm sad/stress/angry?

magentarose

[EvilWombatQueen]

*Hugs*

I'm so sorry your stepfather was so bloody awful to you in the fight. It takes a thousand compliments to undo one insult said in the heat of the moment. Has he apologised for what he said? If it's still affecting you, and if you normally have good communication with him, it might be worth talking about it to clear it out of your head.

It's great that your boyfriend is so supportive. Try and focus on his love and support to get you through this instead of dwelling on the people who have upset you. After all, you can't control other people's actions, you can only control your own reactions to them.

The only tip I can offer in regard to emotional eating is to remove yourself from the danger area, either by not buying high-calorie, high fat foods in the first place so they're not in the cupboard to tempt you, or by getting away from the food. You could go for a walk, or take a bubble-bath. Maybe get some relaxation CDs so that you can tackle the stress a different way when it arises.

Good luck. I hope things start picking up for you soon.

[mumnbub]

Many of us have been at that point- just want to give up and throw it in. Many times I have sat down and thought why am I bothering? I may as well give up. But you should never give up just because of what someone said or does- at the end of the day they are not whats important you are- dont give in or they win and you should be the winner.

Take time out- sit down where no one will bother you for a while and just think about who you are, not on the outside but the inside- are you a strong person, do you want to be someone who gives up when times get tough or do you want to fight back and prove to youself you can do this. Decide on a plan of how to achieve your goal- when you can find time for exercise, what foods to eat, do you need to join a gym or will a home workout dvd be better...

Also think about why what your FIL said that really got to you and why- was it just what he said or was it that he did not believe in you or is it just his own weight issues- sometimes if a person is overweight and cant be botherd doing anything they put down anyone who is trying to change their life, my mother brushes it off like what I am doing is not important just because she wont try. Someone elses issues should never affect your plans. I also use that anger- I am determained to show my mum that it can be done, I can be thin and healthy and am hoping to inspire her to do the same- she does not put me down deliberatly, its just hard for her to see someone else succeed- i have accepted that and she no longer bothers me.

Now, once you have decided you are stong and you are a winner, get up, get into your workout clothes and get walking- take that first step which is always the hardest but the most important. Even if you only walk around the block it will get your head in the right place. Go through the cupboards and remove anything that goes against your plans- if its there for someone else, get them to put it away where you wont see it. Then go shopping and stock up on fresh fruit and veggies, lean cuts of meat, light snacks and maybe even some convenience frozen dinners- just chose the light ones like lean quisine, weight watchers ect..- these help for those times when you really dont want to cook or get home to late. Eventually I recommend cooking extras and freesing for those times- that way you know whats in it.

Just take it one day at a time. At the end of each day sit down and record everything that happened. I just finished doing that this week as I had hit a plateo and was not losing weight but after writing every single thing that happened and eat and drank I was in control and lost weight this week. Recording is essential. Also take some photoes of yourself- you dont have to show anyone but it will motivate you to keep going, visual reminders are great motivation and down the track you can look back and compare photoes- its amazing how this helps, looking in the mirror you might not see any difference but photoes dont lie.

Well I hope this helps, I wish you all the best and hope to be able to read all about your progress over time.

[magentarose]

Thank you for your replies. They were helpful. Today, I'm feeling a little more stronger and I will follow the some of that advice that I haven't thought about before.
Thank you so much.

[fi_112]

Oh honey.. what a horrible thing to happen.
I can tell you right now he was just trying to hit you where he knew it would hurt.. it's immature, passive aggressive fighting, and I know that because I have been guilty of it in the past!!
Think of how well you have done.. 13kg?? Hello!! I've lost 9 kg and I'm damn proud of myself. You should be so proud, get back on that horse if for no other reason than to prove to him that he's wrong!

[Alexandra]

No one deserves to be spoken to like that. When you are losing weight, you need to surround yourself with supportive people. This forum is great for that. I don't want to go giving you advice when I'm not sure of the situation but if your step father is someone you live with and you have a lot of contact with him I think you need to explain that his comments are not acceptable and that you will not tolerate being spoken to like that. Name calling is for children and it's bad enough then. Weight loss is difficult enough and when those around you are tearing you down, its unacceptable. I don't know your family situation but maybe your mother could filter the information to him that you won't be spoken to like that ever again, unacceptable name calling is not tolerated in your relationship with him full stop!

If you don't live with him and can put some space between you, or if his behaviour isn't going to change and/or you don't want conflict or aren't up to it, that's fine too, just put space between you - perfectly good too.

Until then, your bf sounds like a wonderful source of motivation and support (as the forum is too). Remember to accept, allow and access both!