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Being 'topped' with christmas presents!

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Being 'topped' with christmas presents!

Postby Playboy_bunny » Tue Oct 30, 2007 3:05 pm

argh!!!! I have just had a visit with my sister....I feel really nasty even saying this, but I need to know if and how I should approach this situation...
for christmas this year, Its the first year where connor will really know what is going on, and can get really excited etc. I am a single mum on a centerlink payment. I really wanted christmas to be a COUPLE of presents....like one big thing from me and a few small ones, and one big thing from santa and a few small ones....I have seen my cousins etc getting really disappointed because they didnt get enough presents (this is after being given a PS2, 5 games, a DS, clothes, money etc) and I dont want connor to get into that or be spoilt.....(tell me if u think this is wrong!) anyway, I said to my family, please only buy connor ONE small present, I dont want it to be a big thing, and all about the presents, more about the season, and family etc....I have organised a b.ball ring from me and some clothes, colouring book, crayons etc, a tramp from santa, and maybe a dvd and a book or something....I have saved hard to afford these things, and I felt quite happy with them....then today my sister says to me that she has just bought connor a $299 lightning mcqueen tv and a $90 lightning mcqueen cd player....plus a 'cars' soundtrack cd, a stocking, and one of those personalised books (eg connor and aunty jess went to see lightning mcqueen race today..) THEN she says that my parents have bought him a huge walking, light up dinosaur that roars and bites etc, a set of lego, 3 dvds, about $100 worth of clothes AND a lightning mcqueen lamp!!!! :shock: My uncle has bought him a DRUM SET! Not even a kids one, an adult drum set! I feel like they just completely disregarded what I asked them to do and they really upstaged my presents too....I cant go out and buy him more things, and I really dont want to, cos as I said, I didnt want the day to be about the presents....what do I do?Am I just being selfish or jealous or something?? Do I tell them that I dont want them to give him the presents? They have already bought them....and they would be offended too...am I being unreasonable? AAAArrrrrrrrrrrgHhhhh! I just feel like I may as well not have bothered! What do i do??? :shock:
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Tue Oct 30, 2007 3:22 pm

hey gracie

that is a tough one. i am really sad about that because you told your family to buy him one small gift and they no doubt knew what you were getting him. firstly- no i dont think you should go out and buy him more. he is getting enough as it is. i would bring it up with your family members that you had requested one small gift and if possible could they take some things back? maybe they can put the money they get from taking their presents back into an account for connor? my brother keeps hounding me to set an account up for heidi so family can deposit money in there i never get around to doing it though. i am like you though, i cant afford a lot for heidi we are living on one income and her presents i laybyed throughout the year to afford them. i have got her one big present which is her bday and xmas present, a dvd, a book, a wooden puzzle and clothes. at the end of the day the kids dont know who brought them what anyway theyre just inundated with gifts. my sister is the same as your cousins parents by the sounds of it. my niece wanted a real horse- she got one. it lived in their backyard! my sister told me that she has brought my niece a drum kit for xmas- dont know why! ALL THE PIXILCHICKS and all the high school muscial merchandise. i know its each parents choice what to buy their children but im sure all parents have a budget and a basic idea of what to buy their children and what they expect from family members. usually our families ask what heidi needs and i tell them (like a backpack for school next year ) so i know what theyre getting her.

i dont reckon you are over reacting at all gracie. what are u going to do?
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Tue Oct 30, 2007 3:23 pm

and also just wanted to add that i think the things you have got him are great and are just as special because they come from you - his mum!
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Postby electrongirl » Tue Oct 30, 2007 3:45 pm

I can totally see where your coming from.

I used to live with a girl and her 3 year old and she used to buy him soooooo much stuff, but he always wanted more! He was never happy with the things she got him and would throw tantrums in the shops at home etc.

Some people just don't understand that spoiling kids is a bad thing!

I would definately tell them how you feel and that you don't appreciate them spending so much.

He is your son and you have a right to say that.
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Postby Mandie » Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:42 pm

I'm not going to echo the great advice from above..

Just wanna add that I think it's pretty bad that they clearly ignored your wishes.. he's YOUR child and you deserve the right to raise him however you like!

I'd get grumpy, and ask them to take back some of the more expensive gifts I think.. the idea of opening an account and getting them to put money in is a nice idea.

Best of luck! :)
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Postby loveat116 » Tue Oct 30, 2007 4:44 pm

Whoa! Kids get a lot these days dont they!

I dont think you should go out and buy more, but if your relatives have gone and bought him that stuff I think they should give them to him, and as Kate said the kids dont take that much notice as to who gave them what.

The way I see it, your only a kid for so long, its the only time in your life that your fully dependant on other people, he should enjoy it! Ive just come into a stage in my life where I have to buy all my own things, kids just deserve to be kids and get presents!

That probably made no sense lol..
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Tue Oct 30, 2007 7:11 pm

Hell yeah you have a right to be outraged. Now, me being me, I would be telling them clear and simple that you will ONLY accept a small gift (eg the personalised book) in something along the lines of

"Thankyou for your generosity, I'd love to accept a small gift from you, but these presents are far too much and I'm sorry, but I can't accept them. I know you might think I only asked for small gifts because I couldn't afford it, but it's more than that, I don't want to get into the commercial aspect of Christmas. So please, give them to someone else, or return them and use the money to spoil yourselves, or even give the money or gifts you can't return to charity"

And then stick by your guns. Also I'd have an age appropriate talk with your son and let him know that Christmas is about family and even on the day don't focus on the presents - don't even ave them visible (cause what kid can resist wrapping paper). Make it a day out with you and only bring out the presents at the end of the day
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Tue Oct 30, 2007 9:04 pm

good point that tegan has made gracie about sitting down with connor for a chat. maybe you can start special traditions with connor i.e. this year heidi and i are going to make shortbread men on christmas eve :) i am a big believer in xmas being more about family and together-ness. after seeing my dad sooo sick at xmas 2 months before he died i know how important special times are rather than gifts.
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Postby hushpuppy » Wed Oct 31, 2007 12:50 pm

wow thats alot . I have made a big thing with my family that we only y little gifts for there kids at xmas and the most they can spend in 30 .00 . Grom and kayla get 1 big pressie each and a some little stuff ie grom gets book mathchbox cars and bubbles ect . Maybe u can have like a cris cringle but make it like 30$ max
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Wed Oct 31, 2007 1:45 pm

thanks for all the input u guys! :) Kate, I love the idea of starting some kind of a tradition between connor and I...Ill have to think of something spesh and fun to do :)
I ended up sitting down with my sister and mum to talk to them about it....mum said that she agrees with me, and knew that that was what I wanted, and that she didnt even want to buy the 'extras' but apparenlty my dad did and she didnt have the heart to say no....my sister got really offended and said I was being ungrateful and next time she wouldnt bother etc etc :roll: ugh oh well.....I have persuaded mum to only give connor 2 things (we negotiated down to 2!!) for christmas, and save the others his birthday which is in March, so Im pretty happy with that :) as far as my sister I really do appreciate it all, and she will get over it in time... ooh traditions I LOVE the cooking idea cake, Ill have a look into that now :) thanks guys! :D xxx
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Wed Oct 31, 2007 1:46 pm

Quote- "ooh traditions I LOVE the cooking idea, cake, Ill have a look into that now "
HAHAHAHAHA Kate, I just called u cake! hehehe :lol:
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Postby kate_turner2000 » Wed Oct 31, 2007 3:49 pm

thats ok gracie i am sweet like cake ;) hahahahahahah

glad you sat down and had a chat about it with your mum and sister gracie and starting a tradition with connor really is a nice thing to do together. if you make short bread like i am you can get those funky cutters and connor can cut them out and decorate them :) maybe he can then wrap some of them in cellophane to give to your family on xmas day?

your sister will get over it. maybe she can keep some presents until his birthday in march too!
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Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Wed Oct 31, 2007 3:52 pm

yeah, I was going to suggest a focus on giving something small and meaningful! making something as a gift is great! I used to do that for my grandparents, make rum balls or something and decorate a box for them with a photo of us on the lid
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Postby Playboy_bunny » Wed Oct 31, 2007 4:06 pm

oooh cute! I think I will do that! Connor loves shortbread ;) Ill have a look around for some christmas cutters :) thanks guys!
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Postby soon2bayummymummy » Wed Oct 31, 2007 4:33 pm

hehe im glad i dont haveto worry about my family to buy heaps. We all put our foots down ages ago. It was not worth all of that money when they can forget by the end of the day what they even got. good on u for standing ur ground.
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