i wrote an article on being single
might cheer you up
The Dating Game:
Dating for most people attracts the same response ... as if you had unintentionally muttered the 'c' word. If I had a dollar for the amount of times I have heard from my own eclectic group of girlfriends "oh I know better this time," or the ever popular "I hate men. I'm never dating again," I would be living in a harbour-side apartment. In fact, I myself have been known to say "that's it, I am going to join a convent...no really, I am!"
Interestingly enough I learnt in a lecture (it's funny what you learn studying law) that a friend of my lecturer paid for his much younger mistress to own a harbour side apartment despite her *ahem* extracurricular activities…it never ceases to amaze me what people will do for 'love'.
So, after a 3am sleep deprived 'deep and meaningful' with a male friend I have learned that I know almost nothing about 'the laws of dating' bar the three day rule which I felt was for twats. I simply don't understand why if you meet and are attracted to somebody, you need to wait three days before making contact because you will apparently come off looking over eager. I also ponder whether in the event that a prospective contacts you, you need to wait three days before you reply to them. I actually had a guy text me and say "so, I heard you were supposed to wait three days…" not a good conversation starter.
Apparently my lack of knowledge in this area serves me well. I was patiently educated on the many theories that women live their lives by…adopting the new and ever 'flawless' techniques obsessively to the point that they obliterate any chance they had in the first place. There is a seemingly endless supply of books and articles to help women and men attract their perfect mate, similar to fad diets. If only it was as easy as in the insect world…like flowers attracting bees by certain colours, or the way the firefly attracts mates of the same species with a special sequential light pattern. But I guess nature is not always perfect... one type of female firefly imitates another species' pattern and then eats them upon arrival. Not dissimilar to the women and their 'flawless' techniques.
It is a jungle out there, and I feel rather unprotected. It seems in my (albeit unprofessional) opinion, people set their standards so high that when they fail they will take whatever is left. We are constantly in search of the 'perfect' partner and quite quickly see fault with everyone else's relationships but unfortunately rarely our own.
Magazines portray an impossible standard which the youth of today take upon themselves to imitate or rather, attempt to. Our role models are now Paris Hilton and Snoop Dog, and pages are filled with quizzes on "is he really into you" articles on "how to achieve the best orgasm" or "I had a one night stand and fell pregnant," well generally that's what happens when you have unprotected censored! This is apparently more important then poverty and war which only seems to get a mention if Brad and Angelina are arguing over whether they want their new child to be French or African.
Gone are the days where I can shop for a 'Dr Barbie' for my niece but I am however, able to purchase a doll wearing what looks like lingerie - Barbie has taken a backseat, and her competing dolls seem to belong in a backseat.
"I want a man who looks like Johnny Depp, has a sense of humour like Will Smith, cooks like Jamie Oliver and has the emotional stability of Dr Phil"... its okay, just SMS 'fun' to a $4.95 per minute mobile number and you will meet him, really, would television lie? It's almost like expecting McDonalds to admit that the weird unifying flavour which seems to be in everything from Big Macs to smoothies, has a seemingly addictive quality and is partially contributing to our obesity epidemic.
So, do nice girls and boys finish last? According to almost everyone I know, yes. Unfortunately even the biggest emotion sucking, money eating and all around horrid partner seems to think that they are that 'nice' person, further to this they feel it justified to then blame the failed relationship on their spouse. I learnt of a case in contract law where a man bought a house for the love of his life who threatened to commit suicide. She then promptly moved in with her new boyfriend. Needless to say after 10 years of chasing he finally got the point and wanted his house back.
It's nice to hear that people have found 'real' love; it's just depressing when that love is based on lust and ends up failing.
I am told by men about their horrible exes who used and left them. I am also told by women about their exes who cheated on them and got another woman pregnant, expletives have been omitted.
So what hope is there for the loveless, the hopeful and the desperate? My (once again albeit unprofessional) advice is to…BE YOURSELVES!! Don't let people use you because it isn't your last chance. If they loved you they wouldn't keep hurting you and if they care, they will call…or text…or email. Stop obsessing and reading between the lines, if you need to move on. As a friend once told me her favourite phrase is "I'll get over it" and you will!
If you wouldn't marry them what's the point of being in a relationship with them? You can't change them and you shouldn't feel the need to. If you do get to the marriage point, remember, they are the one that you want to wake up to for the rest of your life, not because it is the next (logical) step. Don't settle for anything less…
And lastly, your biological clock is not ticking. If you think that it is, take to it with an oversized novelty loony tunes hammer. You are an amazing beautiful person who deserves to be treated that way, treat others the same and trust that you will find happiness.
If all else fails…there's always the convent!