It is currently Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:00 pm
Butterfly_Dawn wrote:I was lucky in a way and met my bloke at a heavier weight and he's always loved me for me - he knew I was overweight and would encourage me to be healthier, but he always loved and accepted me and was NEVER cruel.
Now I'm simmer, he still loves me for me, but I do agree there are more comments from random men and male friends who should know better. In part I think it's the different clothes you wear when skinny (shorter shorts, tighter tops etc) and an increase in confidence making you look more 'available' or something, but there is also the sleaze factor of attracting men who just like girls for their bodies. These are not the kind of men I would like to be with, but if you're skinny and have a number of advances from these men and are looking for a reationship, I guess the chances of getting with a sleaze who likes you for your body, not yourself, is higher. Then if you gain weight, it's bye bye.
sassi wrote:can i play devil's advocate for a mo?!
do you think it has anything to do with the way you view yourself at different weights? i honestly believe that to have a great relationship you need to like yourself and be happy in yourself and that your partner's view of you is affected by how you view yourself.
maybe when you weigh less you are happier with yourself your partner senses this in some way? and vice versa?
i don't know you, so i have no idea if this is true or not!
my partner met me pretty much as i am & he is attracted to me at this weight. his only issue with my weight is that it makes me unhappy. he wouldn't care if i never changed.
hope that doesn't sound harsh! it's just meant as a conversation starter!
and vanessa - that is soooooo unacceptable. i'm sorry to hear you've been put in that position
electrongirl wrote:I have experienced both good and bad in regards to this.
When I met my ex I was about 55kg. He was about 10-15kg overweight at the time, but he carried it well as he was quite tall, not that it bothered me.
After about 6 months of dating, he asked me to move in with him. At the time we met I was living with 2 other girls and we used to go out all the time, shopping, clubbing, etc so we were all really thin and fit.
After I moved in with him, he started wanting me to stay home with him. So I pretty much gave up my fairly active social life and stayed in with him, playing playstation, eating pizza etc.
After a about a year I gained about 10kg. He started commenting about it, so I joined Weight Watchers for the first time weighing 67kg.
I wasn't successful as he wasn't prepared to eat the foods I wanted to eat to lose the weight. Meanwhile he was having a competition at his work with another guy to get to 100kg!!
After another year or so like this I had gained another 10kg. Now he started with the hurtful comments. I slowly lost my confidence and had no self asteem. I would join WW but then he would shoot me down if I had a small loss saying I wasn't working hard enough.
He would make comments about hot girls right in front of me.
I tried everything in the book to lose weight, I would starve myself, once collapsing at work. He didn't care, he just wanted ""The hot girl" I used to be back.
After 2.5 years we stopped having censored. He said he loved me but wasn't attracted to me anymore. This went on for 3 years.
In late 2004 I suspected he was cheating on me as a girl he was working with was texting him all the time. When I asked him about it he told me I was being stupid blah blah.
Then I found emails between then which were quite explicit (sp?)
Anyway we finally broke up. 5.5 years later, 3 of those with no physical contact.
And funnily enough he got with that girl!
Then I lost like 20kg in a very short time.
Then I met my hubby on the internet. We basically fell in love with each other before we even saw each other in the flesh. Our love was built mostly on our hearts and minds.
When we got together I was about 65kg, over the last couple of years the weight has crept back on, mainly due to just being to damn content!!
He loves me as I am, he keeps telling me that I had better not lose my breasts, bum, hips etc. He has never denied physical contact with me.
I actually find myself telling him to leave me alone sometimes!!
I still have alot of issues left over from my last relationship but my hubby is helping me to get over it.
So I am another one who is proof there are guys out there who aren't superficial and shallow!
I don't know why I am posting this but I just wonder is it possible for me to find someone that can love me regardless of my weight? Or is this normal but people don't talk about it?
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