It is currently Sun Dec 11, 2016 10:47 pm

Free Newsletter

Envy

Talk about anything and everything, whether it's related to weight loss or not.

Moderator: Moderators

Envy

Postby help6363 » Fri Dec 07, 2007 2:18 am

Hey

I cannot sleep ...why?

Someone asked me today what I wish I could have and what I envy about other people. My response was that when partners love their partner regardless of weight.

Throughout my life my weight has gone up and down....... When it goes down (if I am in a relationship) the relationship seems good. No flirting, nice words, go out all the time and so forth.

However, when it goes up..... degrading comments, cheating, flirting and so forth start.

I don't know why I am psoting this but I just wonder is it possible for me to find someone that can love me regardless of my weight? Or is this normal but people don't talk about it?

Just wondering about the responses......... This is NOT meant to offend anyone, I am just trying to 'figure' it out in my head! If I have offeded anyone sorry!

Thanks! :D
help6363
 
Posts: 651
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 2:12 am

Postby help6363 » Fri Dec 07, 2007 2:19 am

I mean my parter starts cheating, flirting and so forth....not me
help6363
 
Posts: 651
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 2:12 am

Postby vanessa0305 » Fri Dec 07, 2007 7:16 am

I thought I would answer this one......I think to some to degree its human (or male) nature. I have never had more attention then I do right now, and its not good. People who should know better are making blatant passes at me. I quit my job because my male trainer was sexually harassing me.........I never had any of these problems when I was overweight.

At the same time hubby hasn't paid so much positive attention to me before (maybe too much attention!) Being slim isn't all its cracked up to be!!!
Vanessa

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/woi7sgh/]
Image
[/url]
vanessa0305
 
Posts: 368
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 8:30 am

Postby Mandie » Fri Dec 07, 2007 7:43 am

I am one of the lucky ones - I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me unconditionally - he is very supportive of my losing weight, but he's only really ever known me at this weight, and he tells me how beautiful and sexy I am all the time!

I actually do get hit on quite a bit when I go out though, and I have had issues with some patients at the hospital sexually harrassing me - it's definitely NOT just a "thin girl" problem!
User avatar
Mandie
 
Posts: 2811
Joined: Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:34 pm
Location: Perth

Postby sassi » Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:15 am

can i play devil's advocate for a mo?! :)

do you think it has anything to do with the way you view yourself at different weights? i honestly believe that to have a great relationship you need to like yourself and be happy in yourself and that your partner's view of you is affected by how you view yourself.

maybe when you weigh less you are happier with yourself your partner senses this in some way? and vice versa?

i don't know you, so i have no idea if this is true or not!

my partner met me pretty much as i am & he is attracted to me at this weight. his only issue with my weight is that it makes me unhappy. he wouldn't care if i never changed.

hope that doesn't sound harsh! it's just meant as a conversation starter!

and vanessa - that is soooooo unacceptable. i'm sorry to hear you've been put in that position :(
Image
sassi
 
Posts: 1595
Joined: Wed May 16, 2007 12:03 pm
Location: melbourne

Postby Justjudy » Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:28 am

I am lucky like Mandi. My ex-husband and I were together for 20 years and in all that time (except maybe the last 6 months) he always told me how beautiful and sexy I was - even if I didn't feel it at the time (I was a size 14 when we met and went to a size 26 and yo-yoed). Since we have split, I have had 2 other relationships and in both relationships my partners were the same, and I have had no shortage of male attention ever. Maybe I am lucky, or maybe I have something that comes from within (I am quite a confident person), who knows. Just remember that you deserve only the best, and anyone who is with you who has a roving eye, or puts you down is definitely not the best.

Judy :D
Reach for the moon, at least you'll land among the stars.

[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wFABM9h/]
Image
[/url]
User avatar
Justjudy
 
Posts: 630
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2007 6:53 pm
Location: Grafton NSW

Postby lng86 » Fri Dec 07, 2007 9:43 am

This is such a hard topic to comment on.

Working for Jenny Craig - I have met countless women whose partners are not happy with their appearance.

Just yesterday I had a client who called suddenly wanting to come in immediately. She told me that her husband had just told her how fat and disgusting she was... And was crying heavily. MY HEART BROKE!!!

After she left my office, I spoke to my manager and did get quite teary... Knowing that people feel SO terrible about themselves due to others comments... Such a shame. This wasn't a random person - but this woman's husband!!! He is meant to love her... Unconditionally.

My boy friend is similar to Mandy's - unbelievably supportive of me. He loved me at my biggest... And will love me at my smallest. Jye has never made a comment about my weight - and I truly believe it doesn't affect him in the slightest. The only thing he has ever said regarding the issue is that if I am unhappy - to change it... Rather then just ripping into another chocolate bar (he only said this once I had made my own decision to get healthier). I completely agree with this comment... Because you have to have the courage and strength to change your own life if you are not happy. No one can lose weight for you!!!

The greatest change I have noticed since losing 30+kg is my own self confidence. I have always had attention from men... But never knew why!!! I never felt sexy! But - as of last Saturday - I truly realised how far I have come... And how hot I am looking! Haha.

I agree with Sassi when she says it could be how you are feeling within yourself, hun. PLEASE LEARN TO REALISE HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME!!!
To succeed you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you - Myself (Lauren)
lng86
 
Posts: 1266
Joined: Sat Jun 09, 2007 1:40 pm

Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Fri Dec 07, 2007 10:41 am

I was lucky in a way and met my bloke at a heavier weight and he's always loved me for me - he knew I was overweight and would encourage me to be healthier, but he always loved and accepted me and was NEVER cruel.

Now I'm simmer, he still loves me for me, but I do agree there are more comments from random men and male friends who should know better. In part I think it's the different clothes you wear when skinny (shorter shorts, tighter tops etc) and an increase in confidence making you look more 'available' or something, but there is also the sleaze factor of attracting men who just like girls for their bodies. These are not the kind of men I would like to be with, but if you're skinny and have a number of advances from these men and are looking for a reationship, I guess the chances of getting with a sleaze who likes you for your body, not yourself, is higher. Then if you gain weight, it's bye bye.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

User avatar
Butterfly_Dawn
 
Posts: 4151
Joined: Thu Nov 03, 2005 10:28 pm
Location: Hobart, Tas

Postby electrongirl » Fri Dec 07, 2007 10:50 am

I have experienced both good and bad in regards to this.

When I met my ex I was about 55kg. He was about 10-15kg overweight at the time, but he carried it well as he was quite tall, not that it bothered me.

After about 6 months of dating, he asked me to move in with him. At the time we met I was living with 2 other girls and we used to go out all the time, shopping, clubbing, etc so we were all really thin and fit.

After I moved in with him, he started wanting me to stay home with him. So I pretty much gave up my fairly active social life and stayed in with him, playing playstation, eating pizza etc.

After a about a year I gained about 10kg. He started commenting about it, so I joined Weight Watchers for the first time weighing 67kg.

I wasn't successful as he wasn't prepared to eat the foods I wanted to eat to lose the weight. Meanwhile he was having a competition at his work with another guy to get to 100kg!!

After another year or so like this I had gained another 10kg. Now he started with the hurtful comments. I slowly lost my confidence and had no self asteem. I would join WW but then he would shoot me down if I had a small loss saying I wasn't working hard enough.

He would make comments about hot girls right in front of me.

I tried everything in the book to lose weight, I would starve myself, once collapsing at work. He didn't care, he just wanted ""The hot girl" I used to be back.

After 2.5 years we stopped having censored. He said he loved me but wasn't attracted to me anymore. This went on for 3 years.

In late 2004 I suspected he was cheating on me as a girl he was working with was texting him all the time. When I asked him about it he told me I was being stupid blah blah.

Then I found emails between then which were quite explicit (sp?)

Anyway we finally broke up. 5.5 years later, 3 of those with no physical contact.

And funnily enough he got with that girl!

Then I lost like 20kg in a very short time.

Then I met my hubby on the internet. We basically fell in love with each other before we even saw each other in the flesh. Our love was built mostly on our hearts and minds.

When we got together I was about 65kg, over the last couple of years the weight has crept back on, mainly due to just being to damn content!!

He loves me as I am, he keeps telling me that I had better not lose my breasts, bum, hips etc. He has never denied physical contact with me.

I actually find myself telling him to leave me alone sometimes!!

I still have alot of issues left over from my last relationship but my hubby is helping me to get over it.

So I am another one who is proof there are guys out there who aren't superficial and shallow!
Nikki - Aussie girl living in the USA with her soul mate. My blog: http://aus2usa.blogspot.com/

Image Image
User avatar
electrongirl
 
Posts: 2578
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:31 am
Location: China Grove, NC USA

Postby electrongirl » Fri Dec 07, 2007 10:58 am

Butterfly_Dawn wrote:I was lucky in a way and met my bloke at a heavier weight and he's always loved me for me - he knew I was overweight and would encourage me to be healthier, but he always loved and accepted me and was NEVER cruel.

Now I'm simmer, he still loves me for me, but I do agree there are more comments from random men and male friends who should know better. In part I think it's the different clothes you wear when skinny (shorter shorts, tighter tops etc) and an increase in confidence making you look more 'available' or something, but there is also the sleaze factor of attracting men who just like girls for their bodies. These are not the kind of men I would like to be with, but if you're skinny and have a number of advances from these men and are looking for a reationship, I guess the chances of getting with a sleaze who likes you for your body, not yourself, is higher. Then if you gain weight, it's bye bye.


I totally agree with that. I wish I had have known before hand that my ex used to follow me around Coles where we used to work together, and referred to me to his mates as "The Titty chick" (I was thin with HUGE boobs). If I had have known that he only interested in me for how I looked back then, it would have saved me alot of crap!!
Nikki - Aussie girl living in the USA with her soul mate. My blog: http://aus2usa.blogspot.com/

Image Image
User avatar
electrongirl
 
Posts: 2578
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:31 am
Location: China Grove, NC USA

Postby help6363 » Mon Dec 10, 2007 3:21 am

sassi wrote:can i play devil's advocate for a mo?! :)

do you think it has anything to do with the way you view yourself at different weights? i honestly believe that to have a great relationship you need to like yourself and be happy in yourself and that your partner's view of you is affected by how you view yourself.

maybe when you weigh less you are happier with yourself your partner senses this in some way? and vice versa?

i don't know you, so i have no idea if this is true or not!

my partner met me pretty much as i am & he is attracted to me at this weight. his only issue with my weight is that it makes me unhappy. he wouldn't care if i never changed.

hope that doesn't sound harsh! it's just meant as a conversation starter!

and vanessa - that is soooooo unacceptable. i'm sorry to hear you've been put in that position :(


Thanks for the response. I never looked at it like that! Thank you and NO you did not sound harsh, you sound wise :D
help6363
 
Posts: 651
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 2:12 am

Postby help6363 » Mon Dec 10, 2007 3:25 am

electrongirl wrote:I have experienced both good and bad in regards to this.

When I met my ex I was about 55kg. He was about 10-15kg overweight at the time, but he carried it well as he was quite tall, not that it bothered me.

After about 6 months of dating, he asked me to move in with him. At the time we met I was living with 2 other girls and we used to go out all the time, shopping, clubbing, etc so we were all really thin and fit.

After I moved in with him, he started wanting me to stay home with him. So I pretty much gave up my fairly active social life and stayed in with him, playing playstation, eating pizza etc.

After a about a year I gained about 10kg. He started commenting about it, so I joined Weight Watchers for the first time weighing 67kg.

I wasn't successful as he wasn't prepared to eat the foods I wanted to eat to lose the weight. Meanwhile he was having a competition at his work with another guy to get to 100kg!!

After another year or so like this I had gained another 10kg. Now he started with the hurtful comments. I slowly lost my confidence and had no self asteem. I would join WW but then he would shoot me down if I had a small loss saying I wasn't working hard enough.

He would make comments about hot girls right in front of me.

I tried everything in the book to lose weight, I would starve myself, once collapsing at work. He didn't care, he just wanted ""The hot girl" I used to be back.

After 2.5 years we stopped having censored. He said he loved me but wasn't attracted to me anymore. This went on for 3 years.

In late 2004 I suspected he was cheating on me as a girl he was working with was texting him all the time. When I asked him about it he told me I was being stupid blah blah.

Then I found emails between then which were quite explicit (sp?)

Anyway we finally broke up. 5.5 years later, 3 of those with no physical contact.

And funnily enough he got with that girl!

Then I lost like 20kg in a very short time.

Then I met my hubby on the internet. We basically fell in love with each other before we even saw each other in the flesh. Our love was built mostly on our hearts and minds.

When we got together I was about 65kg, over the last couple of years the weight has crept back on, mainly due to just being to damn content!!

He loves me as I am, he keeps telling me that I had better not lose my breasts, bum, hips etc. He has never denied physical contact with me.

I actually find myself telling him to leave me alone sometimes!!

I still have alot of issues left over from my last relationship but my hubby is helping me to get over it.

So I am another one who is proof there are guys out there who aren't superficial and shallow!


Thanks for sharing your story......I am glad you found your prince charming :D
help6363
 
Posts: 651
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 2:12 am

Postby Chelle » Mon Dec 10, 2007 1:48 pm

Michelle wrote:
I don't know why I am posting this but I just wonder is it possible for me to find someone that can love me regardless of my weight? Or is this normal but people don't talk about it?


Yes it is possible to find someone out there that wont judge you & love you conditionally. Michelle there is somone out there that is perfect for you who know he might be just around the corner. I think there might be a self doubt in your self but you are a beautifull person Michelle dont let anyone let you down you will find a guy that will love you no matter what your weight might be.
Image
User avatar
Chelle
 
Posts: 3334
Joined: Fri Feb 09, 2007 7:31 pm
Location: Raymond Terrace - Newcastle


Return to Just Chatting

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests