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What Do You Think Builds Trust?

Talk about anything and everything, whether it's related to weight loss or not.

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Re: What Do You Think Builds Trust?

Postby oostevens » Sat Feb 02, 2008 6:01 pm

oi :p my husband is a rock musician!! ha ha and he has never cheated on me :) and i know that for a fact. and he never will. we have both made it known that if either of us ever did, that would be it. no more us. but that is our choice :) and i know we both won't and if there are any feeling towards doing it, we will discuss it. Hell i talk to him about dreams i have where someone from my past pops up, someone i dont ever think about :P and its good to chat about that :) i love my husband dearly and couldnt ever be with anyone else :)

Oh and i hope not father like son. I don't believe that. His father was not a great father when he was young, and my husband is nothing like his father. He chooses not to be.

Let us know how your going Loveat! We do care about you.
[*RACHEL*]

YOU CAN DOOO IT!!!!!

[First goal: to reach 80kgs]
[Second goal: to reach 75kgs]

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Re: What Do You Think Builds Trust?

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Sat Feb 02, 2008 6:55 pm

Whoops! Of course there are always exceptions to every rule! (Backpedals furiously)
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Re: What Do You Think Builds Trust?

Postby Fireball » Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:42 am

Bferbear. I think we owe you a thankyou for being honest about what happens. I do think that it is likely the partners are trying to have trust in their partners but maybe an eye opener for some to realise that it is true about the saying of "what goes on the tour stays on tour". I have often suspected that is the case but didn't know for sure... peole are influended by peer pressure.

My comment, "like father like son" was in reference to research that stated it was the most reliable indictor. If a son has been raised seeing his father's lack of respect for fidelity in the relationship they are likely to follow suit. That doesnt mean that all son's of cheating fathers will grow up the same -a child may see the problems and pain it causes and determine to avoid repeating such a situation. But often childern do make similar decisons as their parents, eg. children of abusive household frequently grow up to perpetuate abuse, or becomes victims of abuse when you think logic would be to steer clear of that situation.
I guess that is why the topic of trust has been raised. It is difficult to develop a healthy balanced relationship and people are seeking ways to achieve that the same way we talk about weighloss solutions and hope to come up with the right combination of techniques to suit our own situation to be successful & also to help others to achieve..
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Re: What Do You Think Builds Trust?

Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Fri Feb 08, 2008 1:04 pm

Hi Ella.
Yes, I am a believer in honesty and oppenness. Well, not down to the telling him/her every miniscule thing you did that day - let's face it, I don't CARE how many times you went to the loo today - but for matters of importance. YES.

Now, sometimes people make bad bad mistakes. To me, the mistake is not the thing that will end the relationship. What ends the relationship is not dealing with it well (Hiding it, not understanding why it matters and not caring that it matters, blaming it on the other person when found out etc), or not learning from mistakes and repeating them. Both indicate a person who is not particularly fussed about what their partner thinks or feels, Is primarily focussed on their own needs and wants, and doesn't particularly mind hurting other peole in order to get those things. This, to me, is not someone I care to spend much time with. It is learning THAT about a person that would say to me, "time to move on honey"

Personally, I would rather spend time with someone who values me for who I am, cares about me and how I feel and would feel terrible if they hurt me (in any way, physical, emotional etc). Sure this person might hurt me by accident, misunderstanding, or in a very very troubled time (e.g if the relationship is rocky and everyone is het up - though physical abuse is never acceptable), but they will generally feel terrible about it, be accountable for it, learn from it, and generally deal with it in a grown up fashion. It would definitely NOT be a habit or pattern of behaviour.

And as for the issue of sporting teams, I have to say I deplore the attitude that 'what goes on tour sttays on tour'. It certaily wouldn't cut mch mustard with me. Far as I can see, the chlamydia, herpes, HIV, syphillys etc come back with you! Though perhaps the unplanned, 'inconvenient' pregnancies might stay there - for a while anyway.

But unfortunately I think it is an attitude that is oftne present. More's the pity.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Re: What Do You Think Builds Trust?

Postby Mandie » Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:23 pm

I believe in total honesty.. Joel and I talk about everything, past relationships, our relationship now... I talk to him when I dream/think about my ex, stuff like that. We hardly ever fight and when we do, we have a policy of not going to sleep angry, and we will stay up all night and talk it through if we have to.

women in relationships censored is 50% physical and 50% emotional, whilst to the bulk of men, censored is 100% physical.[i][/i]

--> SO not true. I know lots of women to whom censored can be purely physical (I've been one myself, once apon a time... and most men I know do have some emotions involved. I've often talked to male friends about the issue and they are more emotionally invested than you think! Your boyfriend should not force you into censored, or make you feel guilty for not wanting censored, and pass it off as their "physical need". That's crap!

As for the "what happens on tour, stays on tour" bullshit.. I know it happens, but why on earth is this an excuse? Adult men have the capacity to make their own decisions, and if they fall victim to peer pressure or these stupid sayings, then they were pretty crap excuses for men in the first place.. Cheating is inexcusable in my book. If you're not into me enough to want to be exclusive, then you should tell me that, and then I won't want to be with you at all. Done and dusted!
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Re: What Do You Think Builds Trust?

Postby Butterfly_Dawn » Fri Feb 08, 2008 2:37 pm

agreed mandie.
I should amend that in my post I wasn't necessarily talking about cheating proper (got a bit off topic) because cheating kinda implies and intent to do something that you know was wrong/hurtful. The types of thigs I'm thinking of are things like, making a comment about another girl without realising you find that hurtful, or not realising that a particular saying upsets you, or being caught in an innocent but apparently compromising position with someone else etc or on the physical side, hitting or elbowing you etc by proper accident. Or even when a relationship is in trouble and there has been a miscommunication indicating the relationship might be over and a 'rebound' situation occurs when the partner thinks the relationship has ended but the other party hadn't thought so (of course this would need a lot of talking to work out and since the relationship is in trouble anyway, I'd say it was long overdue!) Hurtful, but not done deliberately to hurt.

Essentially, if there is cause for someone to feel like being with someone else, that needs to be adressed (though preferably before it gets to that stage). Cultural differences over monogomous relationships, differences in percieved relationship status, relationship difficulty, sexual problems might be underlying factors that can be addressed - if they work out, good. If the differences are irreconcileable (you care about each other but have irreconcilable value discrepancies), maybe that just shows that you aren't made to be together and you can part ways. But if it's just a person not caring about the other person's feelings and doing selfish things, then hey, not for me at all.
35kg lost. (November 2005 - October 2006)
15kg gained again (as at October 2010).
Back to the drawing board - Let's do this thing!

"You can't change the winds, but you can change the sails"

"Reach out and take control of what lands in your lap"

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Re: What Do You Think Builds Trust?

Postby Tummygirl » Fri Feb 08, 2008 3:11 pm

Agrees with everything Mandie said.

My partner and i are the same, if we have a disagreement about something we dont go off all hot headed and say things we dont mean. We sit down and talk about it and I could never go to bed without knowing we had worked things out because i love my cuddles at night to much lol :twisted:

Our relationship is something that has always been quite easy and even after 2 years i know we both only have eyes for eachother and the trust and honesty we have for eachother is stronger ever day we are together.

We go by the same rule that if you cheat then thats it no excuses no more relationship. But Id say im getting close to wedding bells lol dont like to count my chickens, but i love this man so much that we i think about a day that we might part my eyes well up. :oops:
Cassie xox

Starting Weight 140 kg
Loss To Date 5 kg
Current Weight 135 KG
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