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its all too much!!!

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its all too much!!!

Postby electrongirl » Tue Feb 05, 2008 11:49 am

hi all!!

Things have been a little tough at home lately so I just need to vent as I have no other outlet!!

Basically this is the situation.

Hubby is from the USA, he came here to be with me just over 2 years ago. We decided at the time that was the better option as I have a son who has special needs and is going to an Educational Support school and receiving great support there. Also I was terrified of the thought of living in the US.

He has a very close family in the US, his parents live within 10 mins of his house, his grandparents about 20 mins and he has alot of great friends etc.

My family are all scattered across the east coast. I rarely see most of them and I have no really close friends.

I love Australia, I am very proud to be an aussie, however I love my husband more and I can see how homesick he is.

We have been seriously considering moving back there. He was an acre with a prefabricated home on it which the mortgage is $450 a month. We pay $1420 a month here in rent. We are in quite a bit of debt here and it will be hard to get enough money to move there and be stable while we find work.

I am so torn and scared and confused.

I want to have a close family unit like we would have over there, I want to have babies soon and have grandparents close by.

I just dont know what to do and I am FREAKING OUT!!!!!
Nikki - Aussie girl living in the USA with her soul mate. My blog: http://aus2usa.blogspot.com/

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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby Jodie91 » Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:30 pm

I can understand the freaking out thing. would recommend doing some reseach into what support is available for your son in the area you are looking at living over there. You might find that there is great support services there which might reduce the freak out factor. You can also look into applying for jobs while still in Aust.

Good luck on your choice
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby sassi » Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:40 pm

i can see why it's all a bit stressful!

what sort of timeframe are you looking at for the move? i.e. are you thinking of moving in the next couple of months, 6 months, 12 months etc.

i think there are loads of things to consider before you make the decision - like jodie said, what would be available for your son. and also things like making sure you move him to coincide with a new school year (or at least with a term). but then there are other things such as whether you will get work in the area, increasing mortgages over there (altho you start from a much better position!), general cost of living issues and sorting out debts here.

maybe if you have a long enough lead-time, then it will be easier?
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby emmaline » Tue Feb 05, 2008 12:41 pm

That is pretty overwhelming!

But agreed, I think doing some research into it will definitely help settle your mind either way!

It's so hard to know which way to go, but I have faith that you'll make the right decision for you and your family!
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby JP1 » Tue Feb 05, 2008 2:42 pm

Hi Nicky... sorry to hear you have to make such a huge decision with little or no extra support (friends /family close by)except for your hubby...

You're obviously worried about your son... make all the relevent enquiries and then with this information look into your heart... weigh up all the pros and cons and then go for it... believe me I've been in a similar dilemna especially with bringing my wife 12000 from home..

All the best.. John
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby hysterical_oliver » Tue Feb 05, 2008 4:01 pm

It sounds like he has a very close family, maybe they would be able to help you guys out if you were to go there? Not totally rely on them but as an emergency back up worst case scenario type thing? As someone said, you could look for work before you go. Maybe your hubby has contacts from previous jobs when he was still there who could point you guys in the right direction too. It's a huge descision to move O/S but who's to say, it might be the best decision you ever make :mrgreen: Also, there's nothing to stop you coming back if it doesn't suit you guys there either :)
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby milkyway » Tue Feb 05, 2008 6:42 pm

I know your situation - my husband has been in Australia for less than 4 years. He gets terribly homesick where he starts to find faults with all things Australian and he idealises home and goes on and on about how living there is so much better blah blah blah - classic symptoms of culture shock. Believe me, I know because I used to do the same thing when I lived in Korea. Thing is, we made a decision to live in Australia for many reasons, all of which are still valid. For example, my options in Korea were pretty much limited to teaching English (which I was over after 2.5 years) but here I can do anything. I am very close to my family, he's not so close to his.

Anyhoo - this waffle isn't helping... but here's how we deal with it. At least once per year, I put him on a plane and send him home. He just has to get on a plane full of Koreans and he's ready to go back and live in Australia :lol:

We've thought about moving back there - especially when things are tough here - it's easy to look at moving there as an 'easy option' but I know the same reasons we decided to move permanently to Australia are just as valid now as when we made them.

So hang in there, and if possible, get your hubby over there (or get some of his family to come out here) even if it's just for two weeks.

We've only just started to get ahead financially - I supported him financially for the first 2 years and then he studied and didn't work for six more months but now we've finally managed to clear significant debts over the past year and start saving for the future. It's been hard. Really hard at times.

It's coming up to that time now when I've got to put hubby on a plane - he's starting to while about Australia again all the time :P
Just keep moving! And don't be lazy...
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby electrongirl » Thu Feb 07, 2008 10:02 am

the only thing is we want to have a baby soon and if we have the baby here we have no one to help us out, none of our family will see the baby. it will grow up without an extended family. We dont earn a great deal of money and have quite a bit of debt so flying to the USA is a pretty big thing and not something we can do on a regular basis.

It makes sense to move back there as our lives will be much better but it still scares the hell out of me.
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby Nikerz82 » Thu Feb 07, 2008 10:44 am

Aw Nik I feel you sweetie its such a scary move to make yet it could be the best thing you've ever done. I was in a simlar situation to you and I did the move and have never regretted it, Im incredibly close to my mother and it tore her apart us leaving, which was the hardest thing about the whole move but I got here and I love it, I dont plan to move back to Perth anytime soon, Granted im only 3000 kms and a domestic flight from my family but its still a distance to go when you want a visit.

There are other ways and means to stay in contact tho I web cam with my mum, video call from my mobile, we talk on the phone every night, email.
Sounds like his family are brilliant and right around the corner when you need them which can be very helpful. Weigh up your pros and cons and remember nothing is impossible! theres always a way around everything ya just gotta think outside the square. Make sure its what you want aswell as him otherwise you will just resent him for it and dont forget nothing is indefinate. If you get over there and hate it, its just a plane trip home. I know its hard thinking about the fact that you want to have a baby and want your family to see them growing up, again when we mooved I had twins on the way, my family hated that they wouldnt see the twins grow up like they did Mikayla but you know what, their time now is quality rather then quantity and they are still just as much a part of their lives living here or there. Distance can never change what the heart holds dearest. :wink:
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby Nikerz82 » Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:27 pm

Hows it all going Nikki (electrongirl) ... ? :)

Im thinking of ya while your mind is battling back and fourth :D hugs
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby electrongirl » Tue Feb 12, 2008 8:27 pm

Call me Nikki, Nikki hehehe!!

I am doing ok. We have pretty much decided we are going to be moving back. It will be at least a year or so before we do though.

His family are FREAKING OUT!! They are so happy and my hubby is so happy too!!
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby Nikerz82 » Tue Feb 12, 2008 10:31 pm

Oh thats good to hear, I bet they cant wait :D
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby EvilWombatQueen » Wed Feb 13, 2008 4:24 pm

I'm glad to hear you've come to a decision you're all happy with. It's a big thing moving overseas but it sounds like it's going to be a great experience for you all. Good luck and I hope you really enjoying living in the US!
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby emmaline » Wed Feb 13, 2008 4:25 pm

Sounds like you've made the right decision!
I know it will probably be a bit scary and daunting, but I bet everything will work out really well
It's so great his family is so enthusiastic!
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Re: its all too much!!!

Postby electrongirl » Wed Feb 13, 2008 5:17 pm

its not going to be for at least a year or so. Lots of things to organise, money to save etc.

Its definately going to be interesting!!
Nikki - Aussie girl living in the USA with her soul mate. My blog: http://aus2usa.blogspot.com/

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