It is currently Sun Dec 04, 2016 10:56 am

Free Newsletter

Is this rude?

Talk about anything and everything, whether it's related to weight loss or not.

Moderator: Moderators

Re: Is this rude?

Postby Ally147 » Fri Dec 19, 2008 12:51 am

I've got a guy who likes to take me out for dinner and what not, and will not let me pay a cent. But Gordz i think ur right, sometimes men like to 'treat' a new girl to luxuries like dinner and movies, but once things are going well i think it should become equal. I keep telling this guy that i want to pay for some things too and he still won't let me. I feel bad as he's only an apprentice so his wages aren't fantastic and im not that broke that i can't chip in a bit of cash for a movie ticket etc etc. Am i just not used to being treated well, or should i be offering it to him, whether he turns it down or not.I just feel bad!
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wIbKc5e/]
Image
[/url]
Ally147
 
Posts: 241
Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 2:46 pm
Location: NSW

Re: Is this rude?

Postby Gordz » Fri Dec 19, 2008 12:54 am

u sound like a catch to me ally! If he doesn't let you pay half for things, and if you feel bad becuase of it, why not plan a night and take him out?
Aussie Male, 26, 194cm.

Start date: 12/8/2013
Highest - 144.8kg

Current - 141.3kg

Goal - 110kg

3.5kg lost

31.3kg to go
User avatar
Gordz
 
Posts: 1347
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 9:13 am

Re: Is this rude?

Postby Ally147 » Fri Dec 19, 2008 12:57 am

Because he still won't let me pay. I invited him over to my house the other night and we were goin to cook dinner together. We went to the supermarket and he was actually cut when i made the lady take my money (a meesly $12) and he wouldn't let me in the kitchen to make dinner (in my own kitchen) lol... I think its that i've been on my own for so damn long that someone wanting to do this kinda stuff for me is all so weird.
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wIbKc5e/]
Image
[/url]
Ally147
 
Posts: 241
Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 2:46 pm
Location: NSW

Re: Is this rude?

Postby Gordz » Fri Dec 19, 2008 12:59 am

so damn long? you're only 20!! lol. Oh well, enjoy it! (as long as he can cook!) He sounds like a keeper =)
Aussie Male, 26, 194cm.

Start date: 12/8/2013
Highest - 144.8kg

Current - 141.3kg

Goal - 110kg

3.5kg lost

31.3kg to go
User avatar
Gordz
 
Posts: 1347
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 9:13 am

Re: Is this rude?

Postby Ally147 » Fri Dec 19, 2008 1:07 am

Ha yeah i know im only 20... but when i was 16 i was very much in love... And 4 years on i still have feelings for that guy (not the one who's wanting to take me out all the time)... very complicated situation for a 20 year old let me tell u lol!!
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wIbKc5e/]
Image
[/url]
Ally147
 
Posts: 241
Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 2:46 pm
Location: NSW

Re: Is this rude?

Postby Gordz » Fri Dec 19, 2008 1:07 am

yep, exact same boat, but i'm 21. lol. MSN?
Aussie Male, 26, 194cm.

Start date: 12/8/2013
Highest - 144.8kg

Current - 141.3kg

Goal - 110kg

3.5kg lost

31.3kg to go
User avatar
Gordz
 
Posts: 1347
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 9:13 am


Re: Is this rude?

Postby Ally147 » Fri Dec 19, 2008 1:14 am

i signed in so that i can accept it...
[url=http://www.TickerFactory.com/weight-loss/wIbKc5e/]
Image
[/url]
Ally147
 
Posts: 241
Joined: Wed Nov 19, 2008 2:46 pm
Location: NSW

Re: Is this rude?

Postby Gordz » Fri Dec 19, 2008 1:14 am

done =)... 1:14.. oops! Oh well, last day of work tomorrow! :D
Aussie Male, 26, 194cm.

Start date: 12/8/2013
Highest - 144.8kg

Current - 141.3kg

Goal - 110kg

3.5kg lost

31.3kg to go
User avatar
Gordz
 
Posts: 1347
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 9:13 am

Re: Is this rude?

Postby electrongirl » Fri Dec 19, 2008 2:56 am

Just to make it clear. I didn't mean you rattle off a list of rules when you first meet a guy. That's just going to make them run for the hills. And I don't do that either. Not that I ever "Dated" Being a mother of an autistic child I tend to be friends with someone first before anything happens romantically. I tend to be very cautious.

But anyway I didn't mean it that way. What I mean is, mainly due to Internet dating, its hard to get to know someone so I suggest talking to them for a while first before the initial date. That way you can work out what they will be like.

Make sense???
Nikki - Aussie girl living in the USA with her soul mate. My blog: http://aus2usa.blogspot.com/

Image Image
User avatar
electrongirl
 
Posts: 2578
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:31 am
Location: China Grove, NC USA

Re: Is this rude?

Postby mindy32 » Fri Dec 19, 2008 8:58 am

Goodness, what a love of conversing in here, I felt like I'd pop in and put my two cents in, although almost everyone has said it all already! I'm in agreeance with pretty much everything on here! (I love that there's not arguments on this issue lol). I met my boy on the net too, and although we were embarassed at first (especially him since he's not a big internet guy!) it worked for us. We didnt have to worry about the phone bill though (lucky for us), he was in Afghanistan with the army when we started talking (with no thought at all that we'd do anything but that!), so he always had to call me, I couldnt call him obviously, and he didnt have to pay for calls. Once he got back we spent 6 weeks together, then he had to head back to Brissy, so now we spent heaps on phone calls! But we have those 'unspoken' rules that others we're talking about, you just kind of fall into a great routine when you meet the right person. We never talk about it, we just pay for some things each, I'll pay occassionally, he'll pay other times. We're saving to go to Europe so whoever has the most money each particular week tends to pay so we dont have to take any out of our savings! But we're the kind of people who just say it's all 'our' money now anyways, whereas I know plenty of people (married ones too) who still keep it all separate, depends on whats right for each couple I guess! But that guy should not have been so rude, you can't do something (ie. call somebody) and then AFTER the fact expect them to give you money for it! That's like giving someone something and then saying 'oh you owe me $50 for that'. Rude boy. Im glad you got rid of him lol.

Damn I ramble a lot.
<3 Belle
*****Belinda*****
'Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind'
User avatar
mindy32
 
Posts: 447
Joined: Sat Sep 27, 2008 1:47 pm
Location: Wagga

Re: Is this rude?

Postby electrongirl » Fri Dec 19, 2008 9:12 am

Belle,

That is so sweet! So are you guys still apart? It sucks don't it. Are you planning on living together, marriage etc?

I'm nosey aren't I!! I just love a good love story!! hehe
Nikki - Aussie girl living in the USA with her soul mate. My blog: http://aus2usa.blogspot.com/

Image Image
User avatar
electrongirl
 
Posts: 2578
Joined: Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:31 am
Location: China Grove, NC USA

Re: Is this rude?

Postby sandradee » Fri Dec 19, 2008 9:27 am

EvilWombatQueen wrote:From my experience, I don't think you need to give him a typed list of rules on the first date. I think rules are established more by your response to breaches of the rules initially. If he breaks a rule explain to him why you don't like what he's doing. If he has respect for you he will listen and take it on board. If he doesn't have respect for you he'll tell you why it's your problem you don't like what he's doing and why he's going to keep doing it regardless of how you feel. If that's the case cut your losses and walk away right then and there! Life's too short to deal with that garbage.

On a more personal note: do you always attract guys who want to bully you around? You said that you wouldn't have the courage to point out basic rules to a guy, and that you'd attracting domineering blokes in the past, so without going into psychoanalysis on you could you be attracting this type of guy by being a bit of a doormat? People who need to dominate others can usually sniff out someone they can bully a mile away. Maybe you need to do some assertiveness training before you go on another date.


Thanks for your honest replies..... much appericated! :D

Assertiveness training...been there hehehehe!

I find most men act domineering and I see it all the time.....It just annoys me that I have to put them back in their place for them to show repect. Honestly, a majority of men say women play games ...... they should try being a woman! Once put back in their place, they seem okay but it just annoys me that I have to put them back in their place. Maybe, I am too picky, I don't know!

I did have 'words' to the guy at zoo and his behaviour last night. He claims he was nervous and wanted to make a good impression. I don't know whether I believe that!

Thanks so much for your advice :D
sandradee
 

Re: Is this rude?

Postby sandradee » Fri Dec 19, 2008 9:31 am

Gordz wrote:i'd like to apologise on behalf of alot of men, problem is though that they wouldn't know what they did wrong.. crap upbringing? no respect? I don't know what it is.

On the flip side though, I had a gf earlier this year, sure she was 2.5 years younger and a student, but she didn't pay a cent for anything for the few months we were together. While I never complained or hinted it'd be nice if she could chip in her half for a movie ticket or whatnot here or there, I grew pretty tired of paying for everything. Not saying I would ever act like the arsshole you're talking about, OR condone his actions, but maybe he's in the same boat.

Rescheduled tonights date for monday btw, Italian restuarant on lygon for dinner, casual stroll around the nearby park, then a movie on an oversized beanbag in the back of the ute at the drive in (how good are summer nights?!) And no, she won't be paying a cent. I don't know how much its done these days but I still prefer to pay for the first couple of dates, and if things go well, with todays 'equality' and all I would expect, maybe expect is the wrong word, (hope for) 50-50 style later on. What do you think?


I think 50/50 is fair and that's the way I like it!

I really do NOT like anyone paying for me!
sandradee
 

Re: Is this rude?

Postby sandradee » Fri Dec 19, 2008 9:34 am

mindy32 wrote:Goodness, what a love of conversing in here, I felt like I'd pop in and put my two cents in, although almost everyone has said it all already! I'm in agreeance with pretty much everything on here! (I love that there's not arguments on this issue lol). I met my boy on the net too, and although we were embarassed at first (especially him since he's not a big internet guy!) it worked for us. We didnt have to worry about the phone bill though (lucky for us), he was in Afghanistan with the army when we started talking (with no thought at all that we'd do anything but that!), so he always had to call me, I couldnt call him obviously, and he didnt have to pay for calls. Once he got back we spent 6 weeks together, then he had to head back to Brissy, so now we spent heaps on phone calls! But we have those 'unspoken' rules that others we're talking about, you just kind of fall into a great routine when you meet the right person. We never talk about it, we just pay for some things each, I'll pay occassionally, he'll pay other times. We're saving to go to Europe so whoever has the most money each particular week tends to pay so we dont have to take any out of our savings! But we're the kind of people who just say it's all 'our' money now anyways, whereas I know plenty of people (married ones too) who still keep it all separate, depends on whats right for each couple I guess! But that guy should not have been so rude, you can't do something (ie. call somebody) and then AFTER the fact expect them to give you money for it! That's like giving someone something and then saying 'oh you owe me $50 for that'. Rude boy. Im glad you got rid of him lol.

Damn I ramble a lot.
<3 Belle



Sweet story..... I am happy that it worked out for you :D
sandradee
 

PreviousNext

Return to Just Chatting

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests